


The One You Love Most

by Remnant Stars (AerynsFallen)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death, Developing Relationship, Don't Like Don't Read, F/M, I Love Hinata And It Shows, Mostly Canon Relationships - Freeform, Not Beta Read, Not Canon Compliant, Not a lot of dialogue, Out of Character, POV Alternating, Rated For Underage Elements, Some Non-Canon Relationships, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-03-08 02:18:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 48,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13448451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AerynsFallen/pseuds/Remnant%20Stars
Summary: Kakasaku Soulmate AU where your soulmark only appears after both people reach puberty. Kakashi's long dreaded soulmark appeared just after his 25th birthday. He'd drunk himself into a stupor the night he felt the burn of the mark. It repulsed him to realize that even if his soulmate was a late bloomer, they were still at least a decade younger than him.KakaSaku with a generous side of NaruHina.





	1. Part One: Pre-Time Skip

**Author's Note:**

> I really like soulmate AU's so I wrote one for KakaSaku because I could. I will warn you, there are underage elements. Kakashi has inappropriate thoughts about an underage Sakura later on. I think it's a pretty tame story other than that. There will be two or three chapters. This was originally supposed to be a one-shot that turned into 15,000+ words and counting so I split it up. 
> 
> This is heavily inspired by every soulmate AU that I've ever read. Thank you to all the authors that write them. Also, I play fast and loose with canon before I diverge from it almost completely. You've been warned.

Kakashi’s relationship with his father had always been close, bound by love and affection, rather than the duty that had bound Sakumo to his own father. Kakashi’s memories of his mother were distant and fuzzy, but filled him with a lingering warmth. Their home had been filled with love, for even the short time before Kakashi’s mother had died too young of a terrible sickness that swept the village. His father had lost his easy smile after Kakashi’s mother had died. And four-year-old Kakashi hadn’t known how to make his smile return.  Often, Kakashi would find himself at the home of Minato Namikaze, a man that his father trusted implicitly and who would become his sensei and eventually the Fourth Hokage. It was there that he learned to let go of his grief at his mother’s passing. It was there that he thought he found a way to make his father smile again after hearing Minato’s numerous tales of his father’s grand exploits. At four, Kakashi was the youngest child to register in the academy. Words like ‘prodigy’ and ‘genius’ were whispered when he walked by in his genin uniform, his Hitae-ate always threatening to slide down his forehead because his small fingers could never quite tie the knot tight enough. He didn’t care about the whispers. All he cared about was making his father smile once again. And his father had looked almost happy the day he brought his son to the academy for the first time, his lips quirking in the closest thing to a smile since Kakashi’s mother had been alive.

Kakashi was a diligent student, trying his best to make his father proud, despite the difficulties of dealing with children older and larger in size threatening to beat him down at every opportunity. Kakashi was not well-liked at first. He was a determined student, much too serious for his age, and he didn’t care what anyone thought of him, excluding perhaps his father and sensei. He never backed down from a challenge, and despite his acuity and natural ability, his size often worked against him. At first, it only took a hit or two before he was on his back, doing his very best to hold back tears for fear that he shamed his sensei. He never told his father of the times he cried at his mother’s grave, seeking comfort from the dead. He hid his bruises and stood tall even when his small body shook from pain and weakness. Sakumo was often on a mission and saw his son less and less as the months passed, but he always had a smile for his son. And with each passing day, the smile was broader and more genuine than the time before it. Kakashi lived for that smile, a desperately needed reminder that everything was returning to normal.

Soulmates were not something that Kakashi thought about. His parents were soulmates and they hadn’t been shy in displaying the matching wolf soulmarks that had adorned their forearms. Kakashi was too young to really understand the concept. His mother had done her best to explain to her curious child when he demanded when he would receive his own wolf soulmark.

“One day, Kakashi when you grow tall, when you grow facial hair and when your voice gets as deep as your father’s, you will get your own soulmark. It probably won’t be a wolf like ours. It will be something just for you and your soulmate. And when you meet your soulmate, you’ll see that they have the same soulmark.”

“What’s a soulmate?” he’d demanded, still not understanding.

His mother had laughed at his impatience, stroking his unruly hair with affection. “A soulmate is the person that loves you most.” She answered gently.

“But you love _me_ most!” Kakashi whined indignantly.

“Yes,” Kakashi’s mother assured him. “Your father and I love you more than anything in the world, but a soulmate is a little different. They are the first person outside of your family that loves you more. Your soulmate will be there when even your children leave you to find their own soulmate. Your soulmate will understand you better than anyone in the world, better even than you understand yourself. You can never truly be sad when your soulmate is by your side.”

Kakashi nodded his head knowingly at the time, understanding only as a small child could that it must be true. His parents were soulmates and they were happy. And when his mother died, he understood too that his father would never truly be happy again, because his soulmate was gone.

For a time Kakashi was happy. The memory of his mother faded with each passing day, and so did the grief he felt at the thought of her. His sensei was there for him even when his father could not be. And yet Kakashi couldn’t find it in himself to feel resentful of the man that many looked on with awed recognition. His father protected the village with everything he had. And he cared for his teammates and his son more than even himself. The days that Sakumo was able to pick Kakashi up from the academy were the best memories he had. And for many years, despite the shame of how his father died, they were the dearest memories that Kakashi held.

It was his father’s death that shaped how Kakashi chose his path. Saving his teammates lives, at the cost of a vital mission to Konoha, led to Sakumo’s fall from grace. And it was reflected in the way that Kakashi was treated by his peers. He was ridiculed and laughed at, his classmates whispering behind his back. His hearing was better than most, and it grew harder to ignore the taunts. He began to resent his father in those short weeks after the mission. His father the failure, whose own teammates vilified him for saving their lives at the cost of Konoha’s reputation.

Still, he loved his father and had always respected him greatly. So Kakashi did not let his father see his resentment, did not tell him about the taunts he’d had to endure and the fights he’d gotten into over his father’s reputation. But Sakumo had sharper hearing and a clearer understanding than his son, and he heard what wasn’t said and it filled his heart with a heavy shame. He wished that his wife was here to offer help when he could not. He watched Kakashi come home with slumped shoulders and bruised fists and he despaired.

His wife’s death had damaged his spirit and tore him down every day that she wasn’t there. It hurt to live in a world where she no longer breathed. He missed her smile and light laughter. He missed waking up to her presence beside him, and the warmth she brought to his life after his severe upbringing. But he’d held on to his sanity for his son’s sake, and for the village and shinobi he’d always vowed to protect. Now it seemed that his presence was only making the village resentful and their scorn was hard to bear. And his mistakes had started to complicate his son’s life, which he’d never wanted to happen. Despite being the spitting image of his father with his silver hair and dark eyes, Sakumo imagined that he could see his wife in the curve of Kakashi’s smile, a smile that was all but missing these days because of him.

When he thought of his wife waiting for him beyond the gates of the living, his decision became easier. When he thought of the turmoil and shame his death would relieve from his son’s shoulders, his decision became certain. He didn’t write his son a letter, perhaps too ashamed to try and explain why he’d chosen to take his own life. It seemed like the right choice in the end, but he would miss walking his son home from the academy. His last moments were filled with the thought of the man that Kakashi would become, and of the wife he would hopefully see after his death. He died a troubled man with many regrets, but he’d truly believed that his son would be better off.

The moments leading to finding his father’s body and directly after were lost to Kakashi. He could only remember seeing his crumpled form, too still to be asleep and falling onto his father’s body in grief and disbelief. Time had seemed to pass so slowly after that, as Kakashi clung to a father that had left him behind. The anger had come later, when the whispers surrounding Sakumo’s death had grown to a deafening level. The anger had kept him going when his grief had threatened to pull him into the same abyss his father had fallen into.

When Sakumo Hatake had died, he pulled the mask on and rarely took it off again. It stayed on his face until the memory of his appearance was lost even to those who’d grown up with him. With his father’s death, Kakashi came to understand that he could not follow in his father’s footsteps. He would live his life by the strict rules of the shinobi and he would never seek out his soulmate. He would not stray in the ways that his parents had, especially his father. He would serve the village faithfully for the rest of his life, but he could not love as his father had.

Minato-sensei had always been in his life, for as long as he could remember. Kushina too, became a fixture in his early memories, her brash nature and frightening scowl still able to cause him to rub the back of his head in remembered chagrin. After his father’s death they tried to take him in and become his surrogate family. Kakashi would not permit it. He came to regret isolating himself from people who’d cared for him so deeply, but he was glad that they’d never given up on him to their dying days. Despite his insistence on living alone, he was often at Minato’s home for dinner. He was always overly formal where he’d once been exuberant and silly, and it made them look at each other with resigned expressions. Perhaps if they’d lived longer they might have been able to bring him out of the self-imposed lonely existence. But eventually they too were taken from him.

Obito and Rin would have called themselves his best friends, though he’d never allowed them too close. He put up with Rin’s longing gaze, and Obito’s puppyish enthusiasm because they were his assigned team. Obito did most of the talking out of the trio, always chattering about this and that while Rin rolled her eyes at him and stared after Kakashi with longing. Kakashi knew that she thought she loved him, just as he knew that Obito loved her desperately while she overlooked him easily. It wasn’t until Rin was captured that Kakashi’s chosen path was truly put to the test. He moved on to the mission, regretful but willing to leave Rin behind. He felt regret and remorse, but he reminded himself of his father’s shame, and his father’s death. It was Obito who could not take no for an answer. Obito who loved Rin far more than he loved the village, cared for her well-being far more than he cared for his duty. And in the ferocity of his belief, Kakashi felt the foundations of his own stubborn resolve tremble. His father had loved his mother as much, and he’d never regretted that love all his life. Obito reminded Kakashi of the man his father had been, had insisted that his father was a great man, and Kakashi relented.

It was when Obito died that they discovered that Rin and he were soulmates, because fate was a cruel mistress. How they’d never touched skin to skin was beyond understanding. Kakashi could recall at that moment more than half a dozen times where Obito or Rin had touched him accidentally. But Obito had always been highly respectful of Rin, to the point that he wore gloves always. Rin had always been fierce in her dislike for the Uchiha and had regarded him with disdain. Kakashi supposed it made a twisted kind of sense that they were bound together in the moment before Obito died.

When Rin placed her hands to Obito’s face to attempt the surgery that would take his eye, she’d gasped. And Obito had grinned against the pain at the knowledge that she was his, even too late. Rin had finally looked at the boy who loved her more than he loved himself and she understood. Kakashi ceased to exist in her mind, incomparable to the proud boy who kissed her with a mouth full of his own blood. She’d watched in grief as he slowly lifted his sleeve to reveal the raven that adorned his right forearm. And Kakashi turned away his gaze when Rin turned and displayed her own matching mark low on her back. He’d given them time alone, walking from them with stiff shoulders and suppressed grief. And when Rin had called him over it had been with an anguished sob, her voice breaking on his name. When he said goodbye to Obito it was as a friend, the words Obito had once spoken to him ringing true in his ears.

“ _Those that break the rules and regulations are scum. But those who abandon their comrades are even worse than scum_.”

He’d made a promise to his friend to protect Rin, and he’d vowed that day that he would. It was not to be. She’d accepted Obito as her soulmate, and to her dying day she’d insisted futilely that his presence itched at the back of her mind _. It’s as if he’s still alive_ , she’d insisted _. I can feel him_. And it would slowly drive her mad, the presence of the dead boy she’d loved too late.

Her death was a relief to her torment, but it only added to Kakashi’s own. Yes, he now understood the importance of bonds, and could forgive his father for the loyalty he’d given his team without question. But with Rin’s death it only made him see just how detrimental a soulmate was. He vowed that he would never fall victim to love and for years it seemed that fate had chosen to grant his wish, the presence of a soulmate mark never appearing.

As time went on, he formed new bonds of comradery. Gai, an overexuberant boy who had declared himself Kakashi’s eternal rival upon their first meeting became his closest friend and ally. Kurenai, Asuma, Genma, and Anko were all genin who chose to ignore the rumors surrounding Kakashi and tried to become his friend. Despite his better judgment, Kakashi found that he tolerated their presence in his life, and eventually grew to appreciate their affection for him despite his reserved nature. After Minato and Kushina’s deaths he lost himself for a time.

It shamed him later to think of it, but he’d turned his back on the boy who looked so much like his sensei that it hurt. He turned his back on the chance at a family with the little boy who faced the same prejudice and ridicule that Kakashi had once faced, except worse. Kakashi blinded himself to the way the village treated Naruto Uzumaki and joined Anbu’s ranks. His encounters with Tenzo, once known as Kinoe showed him once again the wisdom of Obito’s words. He trusted Tenzo when there was no reason to and earned his eternal admiration and friendship in return.

Eventually Kakashi was honorably discharged by the Third Hokage in fears that he would eventually lose himself in the often-cruel expectations of Anbu. Kakashi understood the reasoning. He’d lost more than one friend during his service and the demands of Anbu had begun to wear on him. His tenant of loyalty to his comrades often clashed with the responsibilities associated with Anbu and he was ultimately glad to leave its ranks. His only regret was that Tenzo too, would be left behind. The man assured him that he was happy where he was and had no desire to leave and it eased Kakashi’s conscious.

He hadn’t given the idea of soulmates a second thought in years. Kurenai and Asuma were bonded, but anyone could have foreseen that in the years leading up to hitting puberty. They antagonized each other relentlessly and Asuma teased Kurenai far more than anyone else. But they were often seen at various cafes and shops together when neither was on a mission, and they had a knack of communicating without words. Kurenai hit puberty first, her slim body becoming curvaceous in a matter of months. It was funny to Kakashi to see Asuma suddenly become speechless when Kurenai was nearby. He began to avoid her as he tried to come to terms with the new and confusing feelings his friend inspired in him. His behavior confused Kurenai and hurt her more than she let on, but all was resolved when Asuma finally hit puberty and their marks manifested on the same day. Each bore a crimson tree, branches displaying the buds of flowers yet to grow. They were married in a quiet ceremony at sixteen, deliriously happy. It reminded Kakashi once again of his parents and he hoped that they would both live long happy lives. He wished his father’s sorrow on no one.

Gai bore no mark after reaching puberty, and neither did Kakashi. That wasn’t uncommon, as the marks didn’t manifest until both people had reached puberty. It could mean that their soulmate was still young, and the idea troubled Kakashi until he finally passed twenty with no mark appearing. Fate could not be so cruel to give him such a young soulmate when he felt so very old, could it? Gai mourned loudly that he would not experience the youthful fulfillment of love. Anko too, did not bear a soulmark, though she took it in stride and appeared unaffected.

Genma disclosed his mark, a small collection of blue stars that adorned his left shoulder. They’d appeared when he was thirteen and he’d never bothered to seek out the person who’d matched. He never disclosed why but Kakashi understood that at thirteen he’d already fallen for a girl who was out of his reach. The one time he’d asked Genma, his reply had simply been “The girl I want, she’s gone from the village. I don’t need some mark to tell me that she’s it for me. But I doubt I’ll see her again.” His reputation as a womanizer was perhaps earned, but Kakashi sometimes wondered if Genma wrapped the title around himself as a shield of sorts, to guard against the heartache he’d already experienced at a young age.

He never once doubted that Genma’s feelings were genuine and not just young foolishness, as others might. For civilians it was different. Shinobi grew up faster, experienced things sooner. In their lives, especially in a time of war, they were forced to set aside their childhoods for the good of Konoha. It was an honor, but it required a steep price. Kurenai and Asuma were lucky to have discovered each other so soon or at all. The life expectancy of a shinobi during wartime was abysmal with Rin and Obito a tragic reminder. If a shinobi did not receive their mark, it could also be inferred that their soulmate had died young, perhaps just another shinobi child killed in action. It was better to assume they’d never had a soulmate in the first place. Civilian and Shinobi matches rarely worked out. Shinobi would always be required to serve, to put their duty before their own happiness. Civilians did not understand war as Shinobi did. They were affected by the food shortages, by the fear of another village attacking but it was a distant fear. The whole point of the shinobi force was to ensure that the regular citizens of Konoha felt safe, and that they never truly experienced the consequences of war. So far, they had done their jobs at the cost of too many shinobi lives, and the cost of the reputation and family of one child: Naruto Uzumaki. In the end it was a small price to pay to keep thousands of citizens safe, but it never sat well with Kakashi. He wished sometimes that he could have set aside the anger of his youth and given Naruto a proper family. When he did check on Naruto far too late, he saw that Iruka Umino had taken the place of a father figure and he’d cared for Naruto far more than as just another struggling student. It wasn’t fair to Naruto but Iruka was a far better person than Kakashi, and he stepped away from his sensei’s son to focus on protecting the village.

Kakashi’s long dreaded soulmark appeared just after his 25th birthday. He’d drunk himself into a stupor the night he felt the burn of the mark. The thing was a shameful monstrosity, covering his chest and stomach. His soulmark was a cherry blossom tree in full bloom sitting atop a grassy knoll. It completely covered the scars that had once existed in its place. It repulsed him to realize that even if his soulmate was a late bloomer, they were still at least a decade younger than him. That night Gai and Genma drank by his side and carried him home when he finally lost consciousness. Neither of them knew what had caused their friend such grief but were familiar with his intermittent episodes of lost control and felt no urge to question him. Neither suspected why he was drinking, choosing to respect the privacy of the most solitary of their group. 

Soulmarks were supposed to be registered to make it easier for soulmates to discover each other. Kakashi didn’t register his and medic-nin had given up trying to force him into the mandatory physicals after he’d left Anbu. By 26 he hadn’t passed a single genin team and expected the same result from his current team. He refused to let it matter that Naruto was Minato’s son, that Sasuke was the brother of a once friend and the last Uchiha to boot. Sakura Haruno came from a civilian family, neither parent making it past genins. Kakashi expected that Sakura wouldn’t make it farther than her parents.

Finding a soulmate wasn’t as easy as looking in the registry. Each soulmark was unique but general descriptions were provided, as well as the basics of the person that bore the mark such as age, gender and orientation if they were willing to share. Then if someone discovered someone they believed fit as their soulmate, a request could be sent to meet. Often these meetings amounted to nothing. In the months after his soulmark appeared Kakashi offered to handle the registry desk.

It raised no suspicions simply because he’d been severely injured during an S rank mission and it was a choice between desk work or a lengthy stay in the hospital for observation. Kakashi chose the desk job, thanking the common knowledge that he avoided the hospital at all costs. He looked up anyone from the ages of ten to sixteen who’d recently declared a soulmark matching his. No one had declared anything in his two-week stint managing the registry desk and he didn’t dare request access to the registry again. He was both confused and relieved that anyone already registered and bearing a mark like his did not match. He trailed the twelve potential candidates with descriptions ranging from cherry blossom tree with a detailed description or ones as vague as ‘flower’ with nothing else mentioned. He felt no connection at the sight of any of them, male or female. A match couldn’t ultimately be confirmed until you compared the two marks side by side. However direct skin to skin contact was often a confirmation before even seeing the mark. The feeling of touching your soulmate for the first time was often described as a cooling sensation running through your veins, even a sense of ‘coming home’. Kakashi didn’t feel anything but relief when he touched the twelve potentials ranging in age from eleven to sixteen. All touches had been engineered to appear as an accident, his targets none the wiser. Kakashi hoped he never met his soulmate.

After Anbu he became a Jounin-sensei and participated in missions as any other regular Jounin. The teams he failed were older than when he was once a genin. Twice the age he’d been in their places and far happier and childish for it. He looked on their round faces and eager smiles and felt no qualms about failing three teams in succession when they did not pass the bell test, as his sensei had required of his own team so long ago. It was not because he had no desire to teach, as The Third assumed. That was part of it, the weight of his own past failures a bitter pill to swallow. But it was because when he watched the children together, there was no teamwork, no comradery. These kids would not die for each other, they would not have each other’s backs when it was eventually required of them. He could not pass anyone who did not understand that abandoning comrades was worse than scum. He could not pass anyone who was once as he was, solitary and determined to be alone.

XX

Sakura was eleven years old when she woke up with blood spotting her sheets and an unpleasant cramping in her lower abdomen. She knew right away what was happening, and she thrilled at the possibility of a soulmark. However, Sakura was raised to be responsible from a young age. Though her parents hadn’t progressed past genins, they were strict in her upbringing and reminded her of her duty to the village and her home from a young age. The first thing she did was strip her futon of her bedding and threw them in to wash, as well as the clothes she’d been wearing to sleep. Then she made her bed with new sheets and took a shower. She inspected herself closely as she bathed but found no sign of a mark. It filled her with equal parts reassurance and trepidation. If she had no mark there was a greater chance that her soulmate was Sasuke. Despite how handsome and cool he was, Sasuke was still young, too young to have a mark possibly. So, she hoped that she had no mark for that reason. But no mark could also mean that she had no soulmate, and she would become one of the unmarked, people who were destined to die alone. Sure, it was just something that Ino teased her with, but it was a secret fear of hers. She knew that having no mark ultimately meant nothing. Her parents both had marks and they weren’t the same, but they still loved each other. And Ino’s parents didn’t have marks but they were devoted to each other.

When she got out of the shower she inspected her body closely with critical eyes. She wasn’t flat-chested, but her breasts were nothing more than small buds, the hair between her legs wispy and barely there. She inspected her body closely, looking under her arms and high between her thighs before turning and finally seeing parts of the mark on the backs of either shoulder. The tree was her namesake which annoyed her for the briefest moments and she had to wait until she was standing in front of her full-length mirror before she could see the full mark. The branches were dark and stretched towards her neck with limbs stretched across both shoulder blades. Tree limbs that were laden with blooming pink cherry blossoms. The tree was rooted on a small swell of land, the grass high and obscuring the bottom of the wide trunk of the tree. Sakura smiled in pleasure at the detail of the mark, so vivid that she could almost smell the blossoms that drifted from the tree to hang suspended above the grass forever. It was said that the larger and more detailed the mark was, the stronger the bond. Sakura had nothing to verify that information with, but she giggled at the thought.

“Take that Ino-pig!” She said smugly into the mirror. She had a soulmark before her insufferable rival. And perhaps Sasuke had one too.

She dressed quickly, forgoing her usual chest bindings to show her mark to her mother. Her mother tittered over her mark and congratulated her daughter in her soft way, smiling with genuine pleasure at the joy on her daughter’s face. When Sakura returned to her room she missed the pinched frown that appeared on her mother’s face when the smile slid slowly off her face. It wasn’t that she wasn’t happy for her daughter, to have a chance to find her soulmate and experience what she herself never had. But she loved her husband. It wasn’t an all-consuming passion, but a steady warmth driven by years spent growing together. She would never tell Sakura that in her youth she’d met the man that was her soulmate, and at the time Sakura was barely walking. The man had begged her to run away with him, to abandon the man that she’d vowed to love for the rest of her life. It was that plea that had made up her mind. Her husband would have let her go with a heavy heart, but he would have understood. Her soulmate hadn’t given a thought to the man she would be leaving behind, or the child that she loved more than life itself. She’d been briefly tempted but when he spoke of starting again, he spoke of their children and Sakura hadn’t been included in that dream. It was said that soulmates understood each other implicitly and she thought perhaps that came with time as all understanding did. Her soulmate didn’t understand her love for Sakura, her duty to her husband, or her grief at leaving either behind. In the end her decision had been easy. She returned to her husband and child, and requested that her soulmate never contact her again. He’d died some years later, when Sakura was six or seven. She’d cried her tears in the dark of night, aching for a man and life she would never have, but the next day she’d squared her shoulders and moved on. She never had the heart to explain to Sakura that soulmates didn’t always mean a happy ending and she was happier for not running away with hers.

It troubled Sakura’s mother to see the size and detail instilled into the mark. If she considered the mark she had before her soulmate’s death, it wasn’t extraordinary. A small black half-moon the size of three fingers pressed tight together that sat on her left shoulder. Now that years had passed since her soulmate’s death, the mark had faded to an ashen grey. Her husband’s mark was of a similar size and black, though it was in the shape of a cresting wave. She believed that her husband would not abandon his family if his soulmate stumbled into their lives. She couldn’t help but think that maybe it was the lack of detail in their marks that made them less susceptible to the pull of true love and everlasting happiness. They were both realists, and neither wanted Sakura to join the Academy but they’d always told her to follow her dreams. So, they sat back and watched her leave their home with an eager step on her first day.

Sakura proved to be a star student, eager to learn and possessing almost perfect chakra control. However, her ninjutsu wasn’t particularly strong and her taijutsu was lacking as well. Sasuke excelled in anything he tried, as was expected of the last Uchiha. Neji Hyuga was also just as talented, though his cousin and the Hyuga heiress Hinata was too shy and lacked the confidence to succeed. Then there was the bottom rung of the class. Naruto Uzumaki was abysmal and close to failing. Rock Lee was also struggling though they both had a dedication that Sakura couldn’t help but admire. Not that she’d ever tell either of them. She generally liked Lee but his exuberant praise and general appearance was a bit off-putting. Naruto was a loser, and for a reason that Sakura couldn’t entirely understand, he was treated like garbage by the citizens of Konoha. Even her own parents would not discuss why, but they shuddered at his name the few times she’d complained about how much of an idiot he was.

The Academy passed so quickly, friendships and bonds broken and reformed as time progressed. Ino, Sakura’s once best friend had become her arch rival for the affections of Sasuke. It stung sometimes that Sakura no longer had her dearest friend to rely on because of a boy, and because they were now competing to one up each other. Sakura grew closer to Hinata as a result. She found she could vent to the soft-spoken girl without receiving any sort of judgment. Hinata was amazingly supportive, but there was one thing on which they could not agree. Hinata thought Naruto was amazing. He may as well have hung the sun and stars in her eyes. She couldn’t even speak to him, or look at him for too long without fainting. Sakura didn’t understand the appeal and Hinata had only mentioned that he’d once stood up for her as an explanation. Still, she was determined to sing Hinata’s praises if the opportunity ever presented itself. It was the least she could do for a friend who’d made her time at the academy better.

On the last week, teams were assigned based on several factors. Requests could not be made and would be ignored. Iruka assigned the teams and was unbending on his decisions. Sakura was beyond excited when it was announced she would be on a team with Sasuke, and was equally as horrified to find that she was also on a team with Naruto. Between flickering moods of elation and dread she managed to send an apologetic smile towards Hinata who was placed with Shino and Kiba. Shino was an odd one, too quiet to really stand out, and Kiba was almost as obnoxious as Naruto. They were told to sit together, to get to know each other if they weren’t already familiar with each other. Naruto immediately took that as an invitation to explain that his favorite food was ramen, and his favorite ramen stand was Ichiraku. While he waxed poetic about the many great qualities of ramen, Sakura waved goodbye to Hinata who stared at Naruto with such longing that it made Sakura’s stomach hurt. Hinata’s sensei was the first to arrive and she was led out of the room, her face twisted so she could see Naruto until the last possible second. Hinata waved at Sakura with a tremulous smile, expression falling when she noticed that all of Naruto’s attention was fixed solely on Sakura. All his enthusiasm aimed at the girl who didn’t even see him. She dropped her head, fingers twisting her hair sadly as she followed a whooping Kiba out of the room. Sakura punched Naruto when he didn’t even notice that Hinata was gone.

“Idiot,” she muttered as the class continued to empty.

After a while, even Naruto could no longer think of things to tell them about ramen. Sakura had attempted to engage Sasuke in conversation, but he answered in monosyllables and jerky motions, until he ignored her completely and stared moodily out of the window. Naruto began to fidget and pace, complaining loudly that maybe they didn’t get a sensei. Eventually he got the idea to play a prank on their erstwhile sensei. Sasuke blinked at his actions, tch-ing in disapproval. Sakura tried to reason with Naruto, but you couldn’t reason with idiocy and instead yelled at him and threatened to end him. She wore herself down and sighed in resignation.

“Our sensei is an elite shinobi Naruto. They’re not going to fall for a stupid eraser prank.”

“We’ll see.” Naruto said smugly and sat down to wait, his eager expression fixed on the door.

XX

Time passed too quickly for Kakashi and the yearly Academy graduation approached. Another year, another team to fail so he could return to solo missions. On the day where he was to meet his students, he went to the cenotaph as he always did. It was a time of reflection, of regret and mourning that he subjected himself to as a self-punishment for his past sins. He spoke to Obito and Rin, to his father and mother, to Minato and Kushina. He apologized for his mistakes and he updated Minato and Kushina with news on Naruto. A poor student but a determined one, just like his father had once been. He apologized in advance to Minato for failing his son and requested his forgiveness. He thanked Rin and Obito for their friendship, Minato and Kushina for their stubborn affection. To his father he offered no thanks, but did his best to forgive. It was still a struggle to let go of the resentment when so many years had passed. He ended as he always did, with soft words for a mother he no longer remembered and a hope that she watched over him even now.

He looked at the position of the sun and smiled in satisfaction. If he hurried he would only be two hours later, rather than the three that was typical. He wondered if Iruka had bothered to warn the three students that would become his team. When he walked into the classroom with only three students remaining he was hit unceremoniously by an eraser on the top of his head.

“Hmmm...how do I put this? My first impression of you is...I hate you.”

He watched as Naruto burst into loud laughter, pointing at the chalk that had covered his vest and hair. Sasuke Uchiha did his best to appear bored but Kakashi read his amusement in the twitch of his lips. Kakashi focused idly on Sakura, her face frozen in horror. He felt his stomach clench as he made eye contact with the young girl, her cheeks flushing prettily as his lone eye met both of hers.

“I’m sorry, se-sensei! I tried to stop him!”

Kakashi found himself lost for words. He wasn’t a particularly vocal person, very often a silent observer of the rowdier behavior and loud conversation from his generation of shinobi and those he considered friends. Now, he felt like he physically couldn’t speak, his voice lost somewhere in the confusion surrounding his conflicting feelings. Shock, as he met the eyes of his student and felt years of self-recrimination inside him quiet. An inexplainable joy as he took in her appearance: rosy cheeks, a broad forehead, short almost delicate stature, light pink hair and bright green eyes. An undefined sorrow at the realization that she’d arrived in his life far too late. Much younger than he’d hoped, and it created a tightness in his chest to realize that he’d held hope deep inside him at all.

His mind immediately thought back to the few memories he held of his mother and father together. Soulmates that had seemed to be a perfect match. Those memories held a happiness he hadn’t experienced since he was very young, and he hated that he remembered that warmth at this moment.

“Hey, sensei!” He was brought out of his reverie by the waving hand in front of his face. Naruto was yelling in his face.

Kakashi blinked, assuming his customary slouch and lazy expression. He turned and left the room, trusting that they would follow him as he tried to sort out his thoughts. Sakura Haruno, what did he know about the girl? Barely 12 years old with high testing scores, but little to no practical skills. He’d been ready to dismiss her, even if they somehow managed to pass the bell test. He’d asked Iruka for an honest assessment of the three, trusting his judgment more than any others. And Iruka had praised Sakura’s intelligence and theoretical knowledge but had rubbed the back of his neck as he admitted that she sometimes seemed more concerned about catching the eye of Sasuke, then becoming a skilled shinobi. He had confidence in her abilities but doubted that she would progress past chunin if she didn’t focus her attention away from Sasuke and frivolous pursuits in general.

He glared darkly at the thought of the Uchiha with Sakura. They were both young and would be trained together, fight together and grow to rely on each other heavily in the coming months. It wasn’t unheard of for teammates to form romantic bonds, though it was highly discouraged. From reports, it was clear that she adored the raven-haired boy, though he appeared to be indifferent to her feelings. Kakashi squashed the satisfaction he felt at that thought.

On the roof, where his students had taken his cue and followed him, he asked them to explain their motivations and their goals as a shinobi. It was something he asked every team, but he’d never really paid attention to their answers. Why did he need to when they all eventually failed in the end? This time he listened closely. Naruto’s goal to be Hokage was almost admirable, and considering his father, not completely out of his reach. Kakashi felt regret as he considered the motivation behind Naruto’s dream. No one had treated him well, except for Iruka and the Third and he was yearning for a sense of validation and acceptance he’d never been shown. Kakashi shoved the guilt he felt away for a different time. Sasuke’s goal of revenge against who Kakashi could only assume was his traitorous brother was concerning. That path led nowhere good, but Kakashi could see the intensity of feeling and discipline he’d held as a youth reflected in Sasuke’s eyes and he felt a wave of sympathy. Kakashi paid particular attention to Sakura as she ducked her head and kicked a pebble while she considered his question. He got the impression that she was changing the answer she instinctively wanted to say. Would it have reflected her obsession with Sasuke? He waited impatiently for her response, hoping that she would not disappoint him.

“I, uh…can you ask me another time, sensei?” she finally managed, offering a quick glance of apology before her gaze returned to her feet.

He let it go, considering it a positive thing that she might be reevaluating her decisions. “Maa Sakura, feel free to let me know whenever you are ready.”

With that, he dismissed them for the day and told them to meet him at one of the training grounds the following morning. The sun was already setting low in the sky, the orange hues reminding him that he once again hadn’t eaten in hours. He stopped by Ichiraku on his way home and ordered some miso soup, as well as an eggplant dish he usually only indulged in after particularly hard missions. He ran into Naruto while there and politely listened as the boy spoke loudly and enthusiastically about his dream of becoming Hokage. It was a nice change of routine and filled Kakashi with an unexpected wave of affection for the boy that looked so much like his beloved sensei. He ruffled Naruto’s hair on his way out of the door. Naruto huffed indignantly but Kakashi read the surprise and joy on his face at the unfamiliar gesture. For once, Kakashi was hoping that a team might pass, no matter the implication of who Sakura was to him.

XX

When Sakura first looked at Kakashi her heart picked up speed. She didn’t understand why she suddenly couldn’t look away from him _. His hair looks soft_ , was her first thought, even as she immediately ratted Naruto out. She admittedly couldn’t see much of his face, covered as it was by his mask and Hitae-ate, but she felt like his uncovered eye could see right down to her bones. She felt her face flush, knowing that she probably looked stupid with her current expression frozen in place, but he looked equally struck. Well, as far as she could tell with his face mostly covered.

Naruto finally snapped their sensei out of whatever funk he’d fallen into and the man left immediately afterwards, not even introducing himself. They followed him in confusion as he led them to the roof. She noted that it was already dinner time and their errant sensei had kept them waiting for two hours. Was he on a mission? Had he been hurt? Did he really hate her? She shrugged off her weird thoughts and focused as their new sensei introduced himself as Kakashi Hatake. Sakura remembered hearing about him briefly from Iruka and understood that he was famous for copying jutsu. She watched him eagerly as his attention was focused on Naruto and Sasuke, frustrated by the mask and Hitae-ate that covered most of his face. When his lone eye turned to her in query, she ducked her head in sudden embarrassment. What was her hobby, her likes, her goal? Immediately Sasuke came to mind and she felt shame and guilt. What had seemed natural now seemed silly when faced with this Jounin, her sensei. What was it about him that made her reconsider? She couldn’t look him in the eyes as she tried to think of an adequate answer, but nothing came to mind. Daydream about her life with Sasuke when they were grown, prove to him that she was a capable kunoichi, and eventually marry him. Stupid, stupid, _stupid._ He didn’t seem to mind that she had no answer and of that she was glad. She would think of something and she would tell him her response with no hesitation next time.

The bell test was surprisingly difficult, and she was humiliated to find that her devotion to Sasuke remained intact. To have a genjutsu used against her like that was so embarrassing. She wondered what Kakashi thought of her childish crush and hoped that he no longer hated her as he said. She would prove that she could be a strong shinobi. There was no other option. They passed, barely but she could not suppress her excitement. She was a ninja! That night she wrote in her diary about the eventful day, and if her entry had a little too much about how cool Kakashi was, she would ignore it.

XX

_Soulmates_. Kakashi mused on what the term meant to him now that he was faced with the impossible. Specifically, one little pink-haired Sakura Haruno. He didn’t allow himself to inspect too closely the maelstrom of feelings that had sprung up surrounding the girl. Protectiveness was forefront and it was in a Hatake’s nature considering how closely they were tied to their ninken. Traits were shared, and bonds formed over time that could not be broken. Protectiveness he could handle. She was his charge and he was tasked with helping her grow into a strong shinobi. He would not let it get out of hand. If he had one lasting trait from his youth it was self-discipline if it was required of him. He could be her soulmate as well as her team captain, as long as she was never made aware of their connection.

He considered making the situation known to the Third and requesting a new team. It was a reasonable response given the circumstances, but the teams were carefully selected, and the loss of Sakura could mean that Sasuke and Naruto would be transferred as well, however unlikely. And who better to train the last Uchiha than him? Not to mention he’d discovered a dormant affection for Minato’s son. He could not in good conscience step away again. He’d already made a promise to Naruto in his head and he would fulfill it.

He chose a cowardly tactic with Sakura. He favored the boys over her, and watched her confusion grow with each passing mission as he focused on Naruto and Sasuke’s training. Not that he would ever neglect her. He could do no less than ensure that she never died like Rin or Obito. No, he just withheld the hair ruffles he forced on the boys, as well as limiting praise and unnecessary interaction. Perhaps it seemed that he was never satisfied with Sakura, and it pained him to see her confusion turn to hurt and bitter resolve. It would be better if she’d resented or grew to hate him instead. He told himself that it was good that she didn't become attached to him, so she would not suspect. He was careful never to make skin contact and hardly spoke to her if they weren’t on a mission.

Kakashi allowed himself to spend more time with Naruto who soaked up all his attention with the eagerness of a puppy. He thanked Naruto’s unassuming nature that never questioned why his sensei spent so much time with him and just accepted it happily. They went for ramen occasionally, though Kakashi never tried to infringe on the pastime that Iruka had shared with Naruto for years. Instead he liked to tell him stories of his sensei and old team, always making sure to include Minato in whatever he shared. It wasn’t enough, but at least Naruto grew to know and respect his father without realizing it.

Sasuke too demanded his attention for training. Always striving to be better so that he could one day face Itachi on even ground and kill him. Kakashi looked for ways to redirect Sasuke’s aggression but had yet to find a worthy way to channel it away from the consuming need to get revenge. He tried _Icha Icha_ , his own tried and true method of redirecting his boundless energy. Sasuke had scoffed at the attempts and sneered at the plot. He’d even once dared to insult the esteemed Jiraiya for creating what he termed as “filth”. Kakashi would never forgive him for that slight. He’d even once asked Sasuke if any girls had caught his attention, figuring teenage hormones was as good a way as anything to distract him. Sasuke’s eyes had drifted to Sakura training determinedly with Naruto as he denied such base instincts. Kakashi bristled at the unintended interest and never brought up the subject again. Sakura was _his_.

Sakura never brought up the subject of her goals and hobbies again, though he often saw her chewing her lip with consideration in quieter moments. He didn’t press the issue as he watched her disgust of Naruto evolve into a grudging respect, and a stare from Sasuke that lasted too long still made her blush nervously.

The weeks and months passed quickly, and Kakashi did his best to prepare his team for the chunin exams. He had no doubt that they could pass but a tight ball of worry still formed when he thought of Sakura facing so much hostility. He knew that Sasuke and Naruto would defend her with their lives, the bond formed between Team 7 more than just comrades, but that of dear friends. It wasn’t reassuring and as he wished them good luck and watched them walk away he couldn’t let her go without saying something.

“Sakura!” She turned immediately at his voice, surprise and wariness in her eyes as she waited for him to speak. Naruto and Sasuke had already gotten quite far ahead towards the gates and didn’t hear him or notice that Sakura was no longer with them. He approached her carefully, smiling in his own way, eye creasing with reassurance. “Don’t worry so much. You’ll do fine,” he offered her.

Indeed, he could see the worry that creased her brow stemming from her concern that she wasn’t good enough, nowhere as skilled as Naruto or Sasuke. Kakashi cursed his inability to tell her that she would likely never reach their level of expertise but that would never be her fault. Naruto was the son of the Fourth Hokage and the strongest Jinchuuriki to boot. Sasuke was from one of the founding clans of Konoha and was destined for greatness from his birth. Sakura held the potential for greatness in her own way, but she needed to discover that for herself.

Sakura flinched, startled as his gloved hand came to rest on top of her head, carefully mussing her hair. She stared at him wide-eyed, her gaze yearning with a need for reassurance and the acceptance she felt he’d never given her. “Sensei?”

“Maa, Sakura, you’re just as good as any of those genin. Remember that.” In a movement almost too quick to be noticed, he brushed a stray hair behind her ear. Sakura flushed, instinctively turning her face towards his hand too late to touch him. He stepped back as she watched him carefully. “Now go, before Naruto and Sasuke start without you.”

Determination lit Sakura’s eyes and she nodded once, fists clenching. “Yes, sensei!” She smiled at him, but with her ferocity it came off as more of a grimace as she met his eye. “I won’t let you down, Kakashi-sensei!” With that promise, she turned and bounded away, Naruto and Sasuke finally noticing her absence. Kakashi watched as the boys crowded her, probably questioning what it was he said to her. Even they had noticed how distant he was to Sakura, but they both assumed it was because she was a girl.

“You’ve never let me down Sakura.” Kakashi said to himself softly. “You never could.”


	2. Part Two: During the Time-skip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided to break down the story into three parts. This is the second part, and a little angstier than I meant to make it. 
> 
> I started this story over a year ago and it's been edited and rewritten several times in that time. It's gone from roughly 7000 words to what it is now and I'm still not sure how I feel about this latest direction. I've taken extreme liberties with Kakashi's Sharingan. Please don't hate me.

Sasuke left the village, despite Kakashi’s best attempts. Naruto too, left to train with Jiraiya and Sakura was left alone with her lazy sensei. She missed the boys greatly and felt sorrow at Sasuke’s departure, never able to fully understand his motives. Naruto, the once nuisance in her life had become almost like a surrogate brother and it was hard not to see him every day. She felt guilty that in the time since they’d become teammates she hadn’t properly introduced Hinata to Naruto and she would sometimes spend time with Hinata to make up for it. The girl was hopelessly devoted to Naruto and moped with his absence, even if they’d never been what could be considered close.

She and Ino had begun rebuilding that bridge to friendship after the events of the chunin exam and both of their disqualifications. It was a slow and awkward at first as they tried to think of something to say that didn’t end up in an argument. The presence of Tenten and Hinata often alleviated the tension. It was when they were all hanging together that the discussion of boys was brought up for the first time since they were in the Academy.

“Hey, fore-, uh Sakura! Are you still in love with Sasuke?” Ino asked her as she painted her nails. Tenten paused in painting Hinata’s toenails a light lavender and nodded her head in agreement with the question.

Sakura was ready to deny automatically that she’d ever felt anything for Sasuke, but she paused and considered her answer. “I don’t love him,” she started. “I think I never did. I was obsessed with him to be sure, as were you Ino.”

Ino shrugged. “Well he was the best looking in the Academy and he always seemed so mysterious and cool.” She looked up from her nails and watched Sakura closely. “If you don’t love Sasuke, is there _anyone_ that catches your eye?”

 _Kakashi_ , was her knee-jerk response. Sakura frowned at the thought, wondering where it had come from. She shook her head in denial, but her thoughts focused on her sensei who she’d begun to miss as much as Naruto. It had been awhile since they’d sat down for their periodic lunches. Their relationship had improved greatly with the absence of the boys, but she’d always sensed a forced distance that Kakashi placed between them. He was never the talkative type, except oddly with Naruto, but he’d always shown more affection for the boys. He hadn’t touched her again since that time before the chunin exams when she’d desperately needed reassurance. She’d dreamed about his fingers brushing her ear for weeks afterwards and had often awoken with a deep sense of comfort.

“You’re lying,” Ino announced definitively. “It’s okay, I’ll tell you mine and maybe you’ll feel comfortable enough to tell me who you like.”

Tenten rolled her eyes. “How generous of you Ino.” Sarcasm dripped from her voice. It was obvious that Ino had only asked Sakura, so she could speak about herself.

“Yes, isn’t it,” Ino sniffed. “I like Kiba!” At Hinata’s small gasp, she grinned. “What? He’s a good-looking guy and his fangs and face paint do something for me.”

“He doesn’t have fangs!” Sakura groaned. “His incisors are just a little longer than usual.”

“Fangs, incisors; to-may-to, to-mah-to. It’s all the same.” Ino said smugly.

“He smells like wet dog,” Tenten said with a grimace. “Besides, Hinata said his soulmate tattoo wasn’t the same as any of ours.”

Ino sighed dramatically at the news. “You know, I’m so sick of soulmarks. Why couldn’t I have found my soulmate the same as Kurenai-sensei and Asuma-sensei did?”

Sakura raised an eyebrow at Hinata curiously. “I know you’ve seen my soulmark, but how do you know everyone else’s?”

“I think we all had the same idea,” Tenten shrugged her shoulders. “Hinata is a great listener.”

Hinata nodded her head weakly, blushing heavily as everyone stared at her. “Ino has an ink bird on her shoulder, Tenten has a small dragon on her stomach, and Sakura has a cherry blossom tree on her back.”

Ino and Tenten snorted at Sakura’s soulmark and she glared at them in return. “I’ve never seen your soulmark Hinata. Did you get one yet?” Sakura asked her curiously. Last time they’d spoken about it, Hinata hadn’t manifested one. Not that meant anything. Sakura was odd for already having a soulmark once reaching puberty. It likely meant her soulmate was at least a few years older and that didn’t bother her as much as it used to. It wasn’t like she still mooned over Sasuke anymore.

Hinata face flooded with colour and she seemed lost for words. In response she tugged down her skirt on her left hip. Ino squealed in anticipation as Sakura watched in curiosity. Modesty wasn’t applicable in a shinobi’s life. If there weren’t public bathhouses, then it was just something that was set aside early as genins. Sakura would need both hands to count how many times she’d glimpsed the boys in some state of undress. She’d even seen Naruto’s ass on two separate occasions. She shuddered at the memory then thought about Kakashi. She’d rarely seen him in less than his full Jounin uniform. Even when injured, he’d always shrugged off their concern and promised to go to the hospital later. They’d all been awed the first time he’d been forced to strip down to his sleeveless undershirt and they saw his Anbu tattoo for the first time. It was faded, and Sakura’s eyes had been drawn to the muscles of his biceps. His arms had never looked so big in sleeves. He wasn’t as heavily muscled as Asuma but she’d more than enjoyed the sight. That was the first time she’d woken with an ache between her legs. And it was over Kakashi’s arms no less! Sakura shook the thought out of her head, relieved to see that no one paid her any attention as they were focused on Hinata’s soulmark.

Sakura shoved Ino out of the way so she could see properly. She oohed at the large sun that had taken over Hinata’s entire hip and covered quite a bit of her upper thigh as well. The sun was in shades of orange and yellow, with a swirled pattern encompassing the middle. Sakura’s eyes narrowed as she stared at the symbol. It reminded her of the symbol on the Jounin vests, or even more of the curse mark that was on Naruto’s stomach.

“Woah,” Tenten breathed in appreciation. “That’s one monster soulmark. Even my dragon is smaller.” She pulled up her shirt and showed off her winding dragon with green scales and an orange underbelly.

“That’s nothing!” Ino announced smugly. “Look at mine!” She quickly discarded her shirt and shrugged off her bra, so they could see her full tattoo. She twirled and stretched out her arms. Centered on her right shoulder was a bird that appeared to be drawn in black ink. The tips of its spread wings touched her collarbone and shoulder blade.

Tenten whistled, her expression clouded with equal parts envy and amazement. “That’s a good one.” She admitted.

“Sakura’s is the biggest,” Hinata offered shyly.

Tenten and Ino turned towards Sakura with accusing eyes and raised eyebrows. “Where and how?” They both demanded. They’d both seen her naked after all.

Sakura shrugged. “Same as you two I assume since I’ve never caught a glimpse of either of those marks at the bathhouse. I learned how to cover it with genjutsu almost right away. It’s too big to cover by conventional means if I have to be shirtless for any reason.”

“Let’s see it!” Ino demanded impatiently, already pulling at Sakura’s clothing.

“Ino-pig!” Sakura shoved the blonde girl away indignantly.

As all three girls stared at Sakura she felt a wave of anxiety under their scrutiny. It was true that she’d never heard of a mark quite as large as hers. She’d seen her mother’s faded mark and her father’s as well, but they were miniscule in comparison. There was a reason she kept it covered.

She pulled off her shirt reluctantly and turned around, unwrapping her chest bindings slowly as they stared. Tenten and Ino huffed in impatience as they saw nothing. Sakura swallowed hard, steadying her nerves. For a moment there was silence then two strangled gasps as she released the genjutsu she’d implemented automatically when she’d taken her shirt off.

“Sakura!” Ino squeaked, “It’s _huuge_.”

“I know,” Sakura said. “Do you see why I keep it covered?”

“The amount of chakra you must have to expend to maintain even such a simple jutsu must be exhausting,” Tenten said quietly.

Sakura pulled back on her shirt and turned back around. She tugged on her high collar. “That’s why I wear this style of shirt. It covers a bit of my neck as well. Otherwise I’d always be threatened by chakra exhaustion.”

“You’ve hit the jackpot!” Ino crowed. “Whoever your soulmate is will absolutely adore you!”

Sakura’s stomach dropped as she thought fleetingly of Kakashi. She’d heard the rumors that he was one of the few that had remained markless from his generation. Not that it should matter. He would never see her that way and she had a soulmate out there that would love her.

“Are you okay Sakura?” Hinata inquired softly.

Sakura smiled in consolation. “Yeah, I guess I’m just tired.”

Hinata eyed her with concern but accepted her response. “It is getting late. We should probably head home.”

She tapped Tenten and Ino on the shoulders to interrupt their sudden argument on who had the best soulmark. “We’re going,” Hinata said with uncharacteristic firmness.

They agreed readily at Hinata’s tone and headed out the door while still arguing about their soulmarks. As Hinata started to clear up the mess they’d left behind Sakura noticed with amusement that only seven of Hinata’s toes had been painted.

“Come on Hinata, I’ll help you with your toes first.”

Hinata looked at her feet and giggled at the sight. “That would be nice. Thank you.”

They sat in silence for moments as Sakura carefully painted Hinata’s remaining three toes and then waited for them to dry.

“Can you keep a secret?” Sakura asked Hinata, already knowing that Hinata would go to her grave before betraying the confidences of a friend.

“I won’t tell a soul,” Hinata promised solemnly.

“I don’t know who my soulmate is.” Sakura sighed. “But from the moment I met him, I’ve wished it was Kakashi.”

“Kakashi-sensei?” Hinata whispered, glancing around as if he was going to pop out of the shadows any second.

“Yeah,” Sakura whispered. “And the stupid thing is, sometimes I think he wishes it too.”

She thought back to the moment they’d met, both struck silent but maybe for different reasons. She thought about the brush of gloved fingers against her ear and the weight of his hand in her hair that haunted her dreams. She thought about the strain of their relationship and how careful Kakashi was not to touch her or get too close. She could drive herself crazy with his often-conflicting behavior. Sometimes she caught him glancing at her with an almost wistful look in his dark eye, but she could always convince herself that she was imagining it.

“Sakura, he’s fourteen years older than you. He’s an adult and you’re still a child.” Hinata sounded apologetic and ready to cry.

“I know!” Sakura groaned. “I know, I know, _I know._ That’s what I tell myself all the time. It’s not about sex,” she asserted. Even if she’d had some pretty steamy dreams about him. “He makes me feel safe. Every time I look at him, I feel like nothing bad could happen to me.”

“Kurenai-sensei makes me feel very safe,” Hinata said, struggling to understand for her friend’s sake.

“It’s more than that.” Sakura moaned in frustration. How could she encapsulate a million feelings and the connection she’d felt with Kakashi from the very beginning into words? “He feels like home, Hinata. When I’m with him, I’m _home_.”

Hinata was quiet for a moment, her brow furrowed in concentration. Finally, she smiled softly at Sakura. “You’ll be an adult in just over two years Sakura. That’s not that long to wait. Fourteen and twenty-eight might seem like a big difference now, but seventeen and thirty-one isn’t too terrible if he’s your soulmate. My father was eleven years older than my mother before she died. Ino’s mother is nine years younger than her father and they seem truly happy.”

Sakura laughed, tears leaking from her eyes at Hinata’s easy acceptance and encouragement. “You’re right, Hinata. That isn’t too long.”

Hinata surprised Sakura with a hug but she clung to Hinata nonetheless. “Thank you for telling me Sakura.”

“Thank you for listening Hinata. I’m sure that once Naruto gets his head out of his ass he’ll be quick to realize how amazing you are.”

“I hope so,” Hinata said with a wistful smile. Her expression turned mischievous, “If you were only a little uglier I might have a chance.”

“Hinata!” Sakura gasped in mock outrage. They both burst into giggles, Hinata’s eyes welling with tears of mirth.

XX

It had been over a week since he’d seen Sakura last. He was trying to limit the time he spent with her, but it was growing harder and harder to stay away. She was always open to spending time with him, willing to drop whatever she was doing to go for a meal with him. Even once abandoning Lee in the middle of what appeared to be their first date.

Lee had encouraged her to leave when Sakura had turned to look back at him with a guilty expression. “Please Sakura, do not worry about me! Training with your sensei is the most important thing in the world!” He’d given her his trademark thumbs up and she’d laughed at his exuberance.

“Thanks Lee! I promise we’ll try again soon.”

They’d walked in companionable silence for a few moments, Sakura chewing carefully on her bottom lip. Kakashi mouth dried at the sight of her teeth worrying her lip until it was pink and moist. _Bad Kakashi_. _Very bad._

“How old are you now, Sakura?”

She glanced at him curiously. “Fourteen, sensei.”

“Ahh,” he rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment at the need to know. “And has Lee caught your attention then?”

Sakura’s cheeks flushed at the out of character suggestion. He’d never so much as mentioned her old obsession with Sasuke, even if she was sure it was so obvious. “Lee is nice, sensei. He makes me laugh.” She twirled the hair framing her face around one finger, her eyes filling with that same contemplative look that he sometimes noticed on her. She looked at him sideways, hesitating briefly before speaking. “Does that make you jealous, Kakashi?”

Kakashi felt his eyes widen, his heart nearly stopping at the knowing look in her eyes. He forced a chuckle, reaching out to ruffle her hair carelessly. “Maa, Sakura-chan, you’re too young yet to drop the honorific. Respect your elders.”

Sakura looked ready to slap his hand away, hurt and annoyed by his easy dismissal of the question. “And what if I do like Lee? He treats me better than my stupid sensei!” With that statement, Sakura turned back the way she came and stomped off with clenched fists.

So young, Kakashi mused. So easily riled. But she was speaking the truth. Lee had always adored Sakura and had never hidden his hope that she would have his matching soulmark. Lee _did_ treat her better than Kakashi ever had. Always respectful, always ready to help her, always praising her abilities and natural beauty. He made Kakashi look like an unfeeling monster in comparison. How many times had he made Sakura cry since he’d known her? And yet she still liked him for some reason. Was that the soulmark influencing her? Would she forget him if he finally forced himself to step back and let her live her life?

He loved her, that couldn’t be denied. He would give his life for hers easily, but he was broken and scarred and burned out. Eventually he would snuff out the light of her carefree smile, and he would pull her too deep into his darkness. She hadn’t grown up in the world he had, always fighting, always bleeding for Konoha while the only people he loved died around him. She wasn’t the same as a civilian, not as innocent, not as soft. She’d killed people and he’d been so very tempted to pull her close in that moment to comfort her. The first was always the hardest. But he’d allowed Naruto to move ahead of him and swallowed hard as Sakura clung to the boy and sobbed into his shoulder. It wasn’t Kakashi’s place to comfort her. He would not allow it to be. It was only another reminder of the distance between them. He’d been half her age the first time he’d slit someone’s throat with his kunai. And he’d been expected not to feel anything, so he hadn’t. No one had been there to offer comfort, nor would they. His team had already accomplished so much, but they were still children. And he had to remind himself of that daily as he tried to view Sakura in a paternal light and failed miserably.

He’d caught himself watching her slim toned legs as she fought, staring too long at the small swell of her breasts hidden under her high-necked shirt. Her face had lost some of it’s childish roundness, and she was growing into her forehead. She was lean and muscled, well on her way to becoming an exemplary kunoichi. And he was a sick, old pervert for the race of his heart when her shirt lifted enough for him to glimpse her pale toned abdomen. Where was his self-discipline now? His hand still tingled from the softness of her hair, his nose still burning with the smells he associated with Sakura alone. Blossoms and spring, warmth and happiness and home.

XX

Tears threatened to fall as Sakura made her way back to Lee, who was still enjoying his dinner alone, her own dish still half full on the table across from him. She wiped at the corner of her eyes angrily and took a deep breath, pasting a smile on her face as she approached him.

“I’m back, Lee!”

Lee looked up eagerly, his bright expression falling somewhat as he noticed the pained smile she had on her face. “Are you okay, Sakura-chan? Where has Kakashi-sensei gone?”

Sakura shrugged as she slid back into the seat across from him. “He had to leave.”

“A mission then,” Lee commiserated knowingly. “Gai-sensei occasionally has to abandon our training regimen because he is an elite Jounin and we cannot join him on certain missions. I understand the frustration!”

“Yeah, Lee. That’s it.” Sakura sniffed, picking at the dish she’d been enjoying only moments before.

“I’m sorry Sakura, I don’t mean to pry but,” Lee hesitated. “Did you exchange harsh words with Kakashi-sensei?”

“Why do you ask?” Sakura smiled brightly but falsely, and she could see that she wasn’t fooling Lee at all.

“I would say it’s just a guess.” Lee speculated “I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“It’s okay Lee,” Sakura sighed. “Maybe you haven’t noticed but Kakashi and I don’t have the best relationship. He thinks I’m useless.”

“That can’t be true!” Lee said in alarm. “Gai-sensei is always mentioning that Kakashi speaks very highly of your talents. Why do you think I admire you so much?”

Sakura’s chest filled with hope. “Maybe he’s talking about Sasuke and Naruto.”

“No,” Lee affirmed with conviction. “Naruto and Sasuke are the worthiest of opponents but Kakashi hardly speaks of them. Gai-sensei said that Kakashi-sensei cares for you as much as Gai-sensei cares for me!” With that, Lee’s eyes filled with tears as he thought of his dear sensei who’d stepped so bravely into the arena to protect him from Gaara so long before.

Sakura found herself spending the rest of the ‘date’ comforting Lee who was inconsolable about Gai’s absence. By the end of it, they’d agreed to remain friends but not go on anymore romantic dates. Lee had shown her his tattoo, a small bowl of ramen that sat on his neck underneath the collar of his green jumpsuit and she’d informed him that her own mark didn’t match. He took the news surprisingly well and wished her luck in finding her own soulmate.

“Maybe your soulmate is Naruto!” Sakura suggested in a fit of giggles.

Lee shuddered in mock fear. “I respect Naruto greatly, but I sincerely hope not!”

Sakura eyed the mark carefully, and asked Lee. “Let me know if I’m out of line, but it seems like you and Gai-sensei share a bond that is stronger than just sensei and student. Do you…have feelings for Gai-sensei?”

Lee looked flabbergasted at the mere suggestion. “You have read our relationship entirely wrong, Sakura! Or at least, partly. Gai-sensei isn’t just my sensei, that is true. He’s like a father to me. I respect him and love him as I would love my own father, if I knew him.”

Sakura’s face turned a red dark enough to match her shirt. “I’m sorry Lee! I didn’t mean to imply…”

“It is alright Sakura. Surely you can understand the bond? Naruto has often said that he’s always considered Iruka-sensei as the father he’s never had, and Kakashi as his eccentric uncle. Do you not feel like Kakashi is your family?”

“It’s different for me,” Sakura hedged. “I have a father and mother that love me dearly.” _Unlike you and Naruto_ remained unsaid. “I could never see him as a father figure.” That would be sickening considering some of the dreams she’d had about the man. But she could never consider him as an uncle or even a big brother either. “I guess I see him as my family.” Of sorts. Maybe her future husband if she really considered it.

“See!” Lee said triumphantly. “Our teams are more than teams, they are _families._ Did you know that Asuma-sensei named Shikamaru the godfather of his unborn child?”

“Wow, that’s so cool!” Sakura smiled, eager to get off the topic of how she viewed Kakashi.

Lee walked her home as any gentleman might and wished her goodnight with a sweet kiss to her cheek. Sakura held her crimson cheeks with both hands, smiling after the ever-gallant Lee. If only he could have been her soulmate. It would have made her life so much easier.

She went inside and didn’t see Kakashi watching them from the roof across the street, his eye clouded with resignation.

XX

Kakashi and Sakura still trained together because there was no one else to spar with her. Occasionally Hinata or Lee would leave their respective teams and train with her when Kakashi was on a mission. She improved her taijutsu greatly with their help. And the three bonded over feelings of inadequacy: Lee’s constant drive to beat Neji despite his lack of ninjutsu or genjutsu, Hinata’s fears that she was a failure, and Sakura’s own insecurity when she compared herself to Naruto or Sasuke.

Kakashi returned home from a mission and caught Sakura’s scent, as well as that of Lee and Hinata. He bristled at the thought that they were on another date, though why Hinata was with them was a little confusing. He tracked them to the training grounds and watched with silent interest the three that were currently sprawled on the grass at the edge of the open field.

“Come on Sakura, I have no idea _who_ my soulmate is but it’s not Naruto!” Lee’s loud voice carried across the space easily as he protested Sakura’s teasing indignantly.

“Who else loves ramen that much? No one!” Sakura laughed at Lee’s scowl. “Oh Lee, you know I’m only teasing. We already know that Naruto’s soulmate is _Hinata_.”

Kakashi watched with sharp eyes as Hinata’s face flooded with colour when the suggestion was made. “Sakura, we don’t know that! Stop spreading rumors! If Naruto hears…” The Hyuga heiress turned to her stomach and hid her face in her arms, possibly dying of embarrassment.

“Well maybe Naruto _should_ hear!” Sakura said hotly. “You’ve loved him for years and he’s still completely oblivious. That idiot.” The last was said with a deep-rooted affection.

“Hinata has already experienced the youthful fulfillment of love?” Lee asked excitedly. “We must shout this from the treetops in celebration!” He jumped to his feet, ready to climb the largest tree to do just what he suggested.

“No Lee-san!” Hinata pleaded. “We do not know that Naruto and I share the same soulmark. It’s just a suspicion on the part of Sakura because of the way that I feel.”

“I see,” Lee sat down heavily with a frown on his face. “Wait, I do not quite see. How is Sakura to make some assumption unless she feels the same?” Kakashi watched tensely as Hinata sat up, her wide eyes pleading for Sakura’s forgiveness as Lee clued in. “You are in love Sakura?” Lee asked with wonder.

“No,” Sakura was quick to reject the assumption and Kakashi felt his heart clench in grief. “I can’t be. He’s lazy and rude and he’s always late to _everything_.” Her voice cracked. “And he’s always, _always_ cared about Naruto and Sasuke more than me. How can I love someone that makes me feel invisible most days?”

“Oh Sakura!” Hinata tugged her close, stroking Sakura’s pink hair in comfort as she cried silently, and Lee looked at the two of them as if he’d been smacked in the face with a wok.

“It’s not fair, Hinata.” Sakura lamented. “I just want to forget him!”

“You’re in love with _Kakashi-sensei_?”

“Shut up Lee!” Both girls’ voices yelled out at the same time, and Kakashi took that moment of distraction to slip away. Hinata’s took in his departure above Sakura’s shoulder and she frowned.

XX

Kakashi wandered to the cenotaph as he always did when his thoughts were weighing him down.  He said his customary greetings to Obito and Rin, and to Minato and Kushina before he dropped to his knees heavily. What was he doing? He should have done the right thing from the start and had Sakura transferred off his team. Clearly his decision was only tormenting them both. Sakura was too young to sound so heartbroken and he was to blame.

How could he make this better? They were too close, and he’d failed in his attempts to drive her away.

“What should I do Rin? You were always more level-headed than Obito or me.” He traced her name, slowly fading from the same gesture repeated over and over. “I miss you more than you could ever know. Why couldn’t you have been my soulmate? Then it could have saved Obito and you the heartache. It would have been easier.” _And maybe he wouldn’t feel so alone. Would he have been able to save her if she’d been his?_

He sighed, knowing that having Rin as his soulmate would have changed nothing. Obito would have still loved her to his death, and she would never have reciprocated his feelings in the end. Obito would have died alone, when the presence of Rin had been there in the end to soothe him. And Rin would have grown to resent him, no matter if they were soulmates. He wouldn’t have been able to accept her. It had taken years before he’d let go of his anger. She would have died just as alone Obito then, and Kakashi would never have understood the happiness that his parents experienced.

He didn’t think that he would ever know that kind of joy. Too see Sakura happy, to see her smile was the happiest he’d ever found himself. But he resisted the urge to immerse himself in her light and told himself that he didn’t deserve it. Not now, not ever.  

“Who is Rin?” Sakura’s voice startled him.

He rose to his feet, dusting his knees off before looking at her. Sakura’s eyes were still swollen from the tears she’d cried, her cheeks red and splotchy. In short, she looked terrible but no less beautiful.

“She loved me.” Kakashi lied easily, “And I was forced to kill her when we were younger than you are now.”

Sakura flinched at his matter-of-fact tone. “And did you love her?”

 _No, I couldn’t. Not when I was waiting for you._ “I could have. I wish I had.” Kakashi watched the words completely crush her.

Sakura’s hands gripped the front of her shirt and she collapsed to the ground. “Why?” Not why could you love her, but why couldn’t he love Sakura? Why didn’t he want his own soulmate who was right in front of his eyes? Instead he mourned a girl that had been dead longer than Sakura had been alive. He didn’t want her. “ _Why, Kakashi_?”

“Because Sakura.” _You’re too young, too pure. Because you deserve better than me._ He meant to tell her that she was as worthless as she feared, but he couldn’t. He understood now what his mother had been trying to tell him _._ _A soulmate is the person that loves you most._ And he couldn’t hurt the person that loved him most. Not anymore.

He approached her, and she stared at him with wide green eyes. His gloved hand reached for hers, and she gave it to him hesitantly. He pulled her to her feet, his hands running up her arms, sliding against her neck and cupping her face. “Sakura, what have I done to you?”

“Nothing!” Sakura cried. “You’ve done nothing but stare at me like I mean something but contradict yourself with words and actions. You never touch me, except that one time. That one time where the feel of your fingers in my hair haunted me for months. You never talk to me, not unless you have to. Its as if from that first moment, you were speechless, and you could never find the words. But I need them, Kakashi. I need _you_.”

Kakashi pulled off his headband, resting his forehead against Sakura’s, their skin making contact for the first time. It felt like electricity coursed through his veins and he swore he could hear the sound of the chidori ringing in his ears, a thousand birds humming along with the feel of Sakura’s skin pressed against his.

“I’ll make it better, Sakura. I promise.” He slipped his gloves off, cupping her face once again and forcing her eyes to his.

“Kakashi?” Sakura’s voice sounded far away, blissed out from the feeling that coursed through her. It was just as she thought. He was her home. How could he deny them this? Her eyes caught on the spinning tomoes of his Sharingan and she couldn’t look away.

“It’s okay,” Kakashi comforted her as she tensed. “I’ll make it better,” he promised. _I just want to forget him!_ Don’t worry Sakura, you will.

A genjutsu this intricate involved an element of danger. But he believed that he could help her, and he would rather cut off his own limbs before he hurt her again. Kakashi understood where he’d gone so very wrong. Sakura needed acceptance, as he’d once looked for from his own sensei and from his father. He’d never been able to give her that and he was wrong. He wove a tapestry of memories to cover the ones that she had.

_“I’m sorry, se-sensei! I tried to stop him!” He would smile just for her, eye creasing in forgiveness._

_“My name is Sakura Haruno! I like, who I like…my hobbies include…my future dream is…” All with bashful glances at her raven-haired teammate. Sasuke Uchiha had once meant everything to her and focusing her attention onto him was a perfect substitute for her sensei._

_Every time he ruffled the boy’s hairs, Sakura was included. And he could imagine her annoyance at her stupid sensei. “I’m not a child, Kakashi-sensei!”_

_“Kakashi?” And he told her as he had before. She was just as good as those genin. And he ruffled her hair as he always had. This time, he wouldn’t tuck her hair behind her ear. Too personal for a careless sensei._

_They went for dinner at least once a month, just him and Sakura because his time with Naruto was precious and Sasuke had always refused to join them. “What’s your favorite food, sensei?”_

_“Miso soup and eggplant.”_

_“I should have guessed sensei. Do you want to try some of my dumplings?” At his shudder, she laughed. “Too sweet? No wonder why you’re so cranky.”_

_“You’re in love with Sasuke?” Lee shouted, just as oblivious._

_“No,” Sakura asserted. “How could I love him? He always thought I was useless, and he left me behind without a backward glance.”_

_And the last. She would never cry tears over him again. “Who is Rin, sensei?”_

_“My soulmate, Sakura. She died when I was younger than you are.”_

_“I’m sorry, sensei. I shouldn’t have intruded.”_

_“Maa, that’s fine Sakura.” He offered his typical smile that warned her not to ask any more questions. “Now, is my favorite student going to take me out for dinner?”_

_“Of course, sensei!” He’d ordered salt broiled saury and walked her home afterwards._

It was hard to change so much. Sweat dripped down his forehead, as he focused on the memories that seemed to affect her most, replacing them with what he’d wished had happened so Sakura could have a happy life. Manipulation of memories was difficult, the hardest genjutsu he’d ever attempted and impossible without his Sharingan. He could not change her emotions, but he could manipulate how she remembered them. Sakura’s eyes had lost focus, under the trance of his Sharingan. After he’d completed the genjutsu, he lowered Sakura carefully to the ground. She’d fallen unconscious as soon as he’d released the genjutsu.

And he honestly felt like he could sleep for a century. He wiped the blood from his eye and replaced his headband over his overworked Sharingan.

“Ahh, Hinata, I’m glad you’re here. And Lee! How fortuitous.”

The two in question stared at him with fearful eyes. “Kakashi-sensei, what did you do to Sakura?” Hinata asked bravely, moving towards Sakura’s prone body.

“What was it she asked for Hinata?” he asked her tiredly.

“You can’t erase memories, even with the Sharingan!” Hinata immediately used her Byakugan to investigate Sakura’s chakra network. Everything seemed to function normally, but with a look at Kakashi she gasped. He was on the verge of chakra exhaustion. It was a wonder he was still conscious.

“No,” Kakashi agreed. “I can’t erase them, but I can manipulate them. When she wakes up, she might seem different, but I didn’t change anything important. Just how she feels about me.” As Hinata looked ready to protest, Kakashi raised his hand. “I can’t change that she’s my soulmate, but I can shift her focus. Hinata, this is for the best.” He sighed in exhaustion, his head beginning to ache. “I never said that I was rejecting her completely, but our relationship isn’t possible right now. Do you want her to keep hurting? I can’t reject her again, Hinata _. I can’t_.” He tried to impress on her the truth of his statement. Hurting her was only hurting himself, and neither of them deserved it.

“It’s not fair!” Hinata cried.

“No, it’s not.” Kakashi agreed. “But she’ll get older, and maybe one day this won’t be wrong. Until then, she can’t remember any of this. If she seems confused about anything, convince her. If she remembers something differently, support her. Do you understand Hinata? Lee?”

“Sensei, are you sure this is the wisest decision? I don’t know quite how the Sharingan functions, but it seems like a dangerous course of action.” Lee cautioned.

“It’s done,” Kakashi said firmly. “And I can’t change it.” He got to his feel slowly, fingers rubbing his throbbing temple. “No one can know.” He stared them both in the eyes hard, tempted to coerce them with the Sharingan, but his head was throbbing, and he no longer had enough chakra.

Hinata and Lee both nodded their heads once in agreement with solemn expressions.

“Please make sure that Sakura makes it home,” Kakashi requested of them.

Lee picked up Sakura cautiously, and pulled her close to his chest. “I will make sure of it.” He turned and walked away, careful not to jostle her.

Hinata moved to follow Lee but turned back to Kakashi. “Kakashi-sensei, will you be alright?”

Kakashi smiled at her concern. “As long as she’s happy, I could never be sad.”

Hinata blinked back tears and left him standing by the cenotaph. She couldn’t help but think that he looked lonely standing there with one had braced against the cenotaph. She hoped that he would forgive himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end notes on the last chapter were supposed to be here. My bad.
> 
> Ino, Tenten, Genma, Lee, and Hinata. Any guesses on their soulmates, based on their marks? I admit I made some of them way too easy. This is primarily a Kakasaku story, but I'd like to see them get their happy endings too. Maybe, I'll write a separate story for them. Who knows?
> 
> Feel free to let me know how you felt about my egregious abuse of canon.


	3. Part Three: During the Time-skip Continued

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did this get so long?? It was supposed to be a simple one-shot!!! Here is Chapter 3 of hopefully 4, maybe 5. It's a short update as I didn't want to add anything after the time-skip. This chapter focuses completely on Kakashi and Sakura.

Sakura felt she had learned all she could from her sensei. Kakashi was as enigmatic as ever, and despite their comfortable rapport, their professional relationship had stagnated a bit. He couldn’t teach her the things he’d taught Naruto or Sasuke, because her chakra levels weren’t high enough, and she didn’t have a Sharingan. Sakura still held the fear that she would be left behind, now more than ever. Once Naruto returned she had no doubt that his abilities would have improved greatly. Where did that leave her? She would only be a liability to her sensei and friend and she hated the thought of bringing them down or endangering them.

Tsunade was Hokage now, but she was also one of the legendary Sannin and her abilities were feared and respected in equal measure. Sakura had become somewhat of a secretary and errand-runner in Naruto’s absence, always eager to hear news of her friend or of Sasuke. Tsunade seemed to like her, and asked her probing questions, mostly about her chakra control and dedication as a shinobi. Sakura was certain that if she asked, Tsunade would be willing to become her Shishou. But first she had to let Kakashi know. She was certain he wouldn’t mind.

She found him kneeling in front of the cenotaph. Once he’d revealed that his own soulmate had died in his youth, she didn't feel it was right to probe too deeply into his past with questions she was sure he wouldn’t answer. Despite her hesitance, she was still curious to unravel the mystery that was Kakashi Hatake. She thought of Team 7’s bet on what Kakashi looked like under the mask. It would be nice to be first at something, but really it was because she felt affection for her sensei and considered him a friend. She sometimes wondered what he viewed her as. An annoying student perhaps? Or a worthy comrade? More than likely he viewed her as she’d first viewed him, a necessary companion with the absence of Naruto and Sasuke. Their weekly dinners often progressed in comfortable silence, or Sakura would ramble on about her days as messenger for the Hokage. He never revealed much about himself and she didn’t probe.

Kakashi was rubbing the name of Rin Nohara, speaking softly to himself, or maybe to his dead soulmate. Sakura felt a wave of pity and sadness overwhelm her as she stared at her sensei. He seemed so lonely and sad when she found him here, his shoulders hunched as if the weight of the world sat upon them. She gave him a moment to say goodbye before speaking.  He always knew it was her that disturbed his solitude and his words quieted as she approached. Sakura was grateful that he never seemed angry or annoyed when she intruded. She felt almost welcome in these moments, and special to see this side of her sensei. Naruto and Sasuke had never known him like this, tired and defeated and weighed down with grief.

“Goodbye Rin, Obito. Rest easy Minato and Kushina. Forgive me, mother and father.” He said his goodbyes and stood, brushing his knees off.

“I’m sorry to intrude sensei.” Sakura said quietly. It was true in a way, but she also enjoyed these moments when he was melancholic. He seemed so very real to her, the mask doing little to hide how he felt. She should feel guilty, but he never protested and never asked her to stay away.

“You could never intrude,” Kakashi offered with a weary smile. His eyes betrayed his sorrow, and Sakura returned his smile with a warm one of her own. “Feel free to bother your sensei anytime.”

Despite his mournful air, Sakura believed that he meant what he said, and her warm smile slipped off of her face. How was she to tell him that she wanted to disband Team 7 when they were all they had? How could she leave him? She chewed on her bottom lip indecisively.

Kakashi read her indecision and resolved her conflict. “I mean it Sakura. You can come to me whenever you need, but I do have some news. Tsunade has requested that I return to solo Jounin-class missions.”

“But we’re a team,” Sakura protested weakly on principle.

Kakashi ruffled her hair. “It was a hard decision, but there is very little I can teach you. Your chakra control is near-perfect. I’m sure Tsunade herself would be a better sensei to you right now Sakura.”

“ _You’re_ my sensei,” Sakura said stubbornly.

Kakashi eyed her thoughtfully. “Not anymore Sakura. It’s time for you to pursue your own goals and reach your potential. I can’t help you with that.” At her fallen expression, he reassured her. “We will always be teammates. When Naruto returns, we will still be Team 7.”

Her mood fell even further at the mention of Sasuke. “And do you think Sasuke will ever come back?”

Kakashi sighed, his eye moving to somewhere above her head as he considered her question. “You’re old enough to understand that we can’t have everything we want. I want Sasuke to return, and I want us to be a team again.” Tears pooled in Sakura’s eyes, and Kakashi tilted her chin up to look at him. “I promise you, Sakura. I will do everything in my power to make sure he returns home to you. Do you understand?” At Sakura’s nod, his eye creased in a smile. “I want you to be happy, Sakura. Can you promise me that in return? To never be sad for too long, to always smile even when it hurts?”

Sakura nodded, even if it felt like he was asking too much. How could she be happy all the time? “I promise,” she said solemnly.

“Good,” Kakashi said, his hand falling to his side. And she could tell that she’d eased his mind and it soothed her. “Now is my favorite student going to take me out for dinner?”

“Of course, sensei!” she said brightly.

Kakashi smiled and turned away, figure slouching and hands finding his pockets as he walked towards Konoha’s center. An image flickered in Sakura’s mind, halting her as she made to follow him.

_“I’ll make it better, Sakura. I promise.” He slipped his gloves off, cupping her face once again and forcing her eyes to his. And oh, the way she felt when his fingers touched her so softly. Alive, she’d never felt so alive._

“Sakura, are you coming?” Kakashi asked her curiously.

“Oh! Yes!” Sakura rushed after him, face reddening in embarrassment. Had she just hallucinated about Kakashi-sensei? How weird!

XX

Her interest in becoming Tsunade’s apprentice was well-timed. He felt his resolve wavering as he spent more time with Sakura. Her implanted memories seemed to be holding. Hinata and Lee reported no personality changes, excluding her returned obsession with Sasuke Uchiha which had raised no major flags. Sakura was easier in his presence and tolerated his hair ruffles with rolled eyes. He made sure to act as he did with Naruto or Sasuke, always distant and lazy, skipping out on the bill when they went for dinner, though it pained his instincts not to take care of her in something as small as this. It was only when she sought him out at the cenotaph that he let her see how much he held in.

Kakashi hated lying about Rin. It felt like he was dishonoring two of his dearest friends, but Sakura could not suspect. He asked for their forgiveness every time he went to the cenotaph, explaining his logic to reinforce his belief that he was saving Sakura heartache. Sasuke was yet unreachable and to pin her hopes on him might be cruel but it gave him a sense of security that Sakura was not lost to him completely. Kakashi was also convinced that Sasuke had not been as indifferent to Sakura as he’d let on, and perhaps there was something there that could be salvaged. He was certain that once Sakura discovered his deception and manipulation, she would never forgive him. He’d already done irreparable damage to their relationship and it was only a matter of time before she caught on, or Sasuke returned and confused the situation. He’d made the promise of bringing Sasuke home with honest conviction. If that was who would make her happy, Kakashi could only step aside while his heart bled. He only ever wanted her to be happy, and it took him too long to realize it.

Sakura made her request of Tsunade and he was called to a meeting with the Hokage the following day.

“Sakura has requested that I teach her, and I’ve accepted.” Tsunade told him with a grave expression.

“As you wish, Hokage-sama.” Kakashi bowed his head in acceptance. “I’m to return to solo missions, then?”

“Hmm, the funny thing about that, Sakura was under the impression that I’ve already assigned you to them. I wonder where she got that impression?”

“Hokage-sama, I only meant to ease her guilt. I could see what she wanted, and she _is_ my favorite student.” He offered an eye-crease and she scowled in return.

“Do you think I’m an idiot, brat?” Tsunade demanded.

“Never, Hokage-sama.” Kakashi swallowed hard. _Did she suspect?_

“By all reports, Sakura was your _least_ favorite student. You’ve neglected her training in favor of those two boys. It’s not unexpected, being as emotionally stunted as you are not to see her potential but to suddenly change in so short a time is suspect.” She eyed him severely. “What are you up to, Kakashi?”

He sighed in defeat. “It’s true, I’ve neglected Sakura. It’s only in the time that Naruto and Sasuke have been gone that I’ve seen how much. I’ve come to realize that I’m not the right person to teach her. I only want what’s best for Sakura, Hokage-sama,” he said in absolute truth.

Tsunade studied him carefully and huffed in annoyance. “I believe you, but you’re not telling me everything Hatake.” She stared him down, but Kakashi did not flinch. “I’ve got a mission scroll for you. S-class, solo.”

Kakashi took it and bowed his head. “Oh, and Kakashi?” His eyebrow raised in query. “This isn’t the end of it.” He nodded once and escaped out of the window.

 _That was close._ Kakashi was used to moving through life largely unnoticed. The Third had held a certain fondness for him and let him do as he pleased. He wasn’t used to scrutiny but Tsunade looked to upset the status quo, starting with Sakura. He was okay with Tsunade changing things if it was for the better. The Third was not without his faults, and each Hokage had always looked to improve the village. He just preferred her attention away from him, and his relationship from Sakura. He didn’t need what he’d done to Sakura’s memories to be discovered. What he’d done was illegal and would earn him jail time if he didn’t choose to become one of the missing-nin as Itachi had chosen. If it did become known to Sakura and she chose to report him, he would accept his fate and the censure of the village without question. He would deal with the disgrace unlike his father. It was lucky that he’d never chosen to enter a long-term relationship or have children. His legacy of shame would end with him alone.

The mission was semi long-term and would require him to leave the village for at least a couple months. It was a relief to spend time away from Sakura and perhaps gain some perspective. He told her at their weekly dinner, interrupting a story Sakura was telling him about Shizune and Tonton.

“Oh, long-term? How long will you be gone?” Sakura asked him with worry.

“At least a couple of months,” Kakashi said heavily.

“So long?” Sakura frowned. “S-class?” At his nod, she chewed her lip anxiously. “Do you really have to go alone?”

“Yes, Sakura.” He offered her a smile. “You don’t need to worry. I’ve completed missions like this dozens of times. I’ll be fine.” Not quite true but he wouldn’t worry her needlessly. He had every intention of returning to her.

“I know,” Sakura said confidently. “It’s just that…I’ll miss our dinners.” _I’ll miss you._

“Even though I never pay?” Kakashi said with mock surprise. _I wish I didn’t have to leave._

“Even then,” Sakura assured him. _I’ll pay for them all if you’re safe, sensei._

“I’ll be back before you know it. And when I come back, I’ll pay for dinner, just this once.” Kakashi announced, trying to lighten the mood. _Smile Sakura_.

“I’ll hold you to it.” Sakura said with a subdued tone. _He’ll come home, he must._

“And maybe Naruto will return by then.” Kakashi said hopefully, relieved when Sakura’s expression brightened considerably. _He’ll make sure you’re happy. He loves you almost as much as I do._

“You think so, sensei?” she asked hopefully. _Naruto! And he’ll be all done his training!_

Kakashi nodded. “Despite his Academy records, he’s stubborn enough to accomplish anything. I’m sure he’s training just as hard with Jiraiya as you are with Tsunade. Team 7 will be back together before you know it.” _Minus Sasuke._

“Okay,” She refused to think about Sasuke right now. “And you have to buy Naruto ramen too.”

Kakashi grimaced, remembering how empty his wallet was the last time he’d offered to buy Naruto dinner. He scratched the back of his head in chagrin, back-pedaling. “Maa, Sakura, don’t be too hasty now.”

Sakura pouted, “Please, sensei?”

When Sakura looked at him like that, Kakashi knew he was defeated. “Yes, but you’re going to join us. I’ll pay for both of you then.”

Sakura’s pout turned into a grimace. “I guess that’s fair.”

After dinner, Kakashi looked at the sky and nodded. It was still early enough. “Sakura, can I ask you a favor while I’m gone?”

“Of course!”

“I have a plant, Mr. Ukki. He doesn’t need to be watered very often, but he’ll die if I leave him alone for two months.”

“You want me to take care of your plant?” Sakura said with surprise. _Her? Why didn’t he ask Gai-sensei or Asuma-sensei? Did he really trust her that much?_

“Yes,” Kakashi said. “I’ll ensure your chakra can unlock my doors. We’ll have to do it now, if you have time?”

“You want me to go into your house?” Sakura squeaked.

“Yes,” Kakashi confirmed. “Is that a problem?”

“No!” Sakura rushed to say. “It’s just, I’ve just never been in there!” _Neither had Naruto or Sasuke!_

“Oh,” Kakashi murmured. “It’s just a typical apartment.”

It was in a neighborhood that Sakura was unfamiliar with, on the opposite side of Konoha as her parent’s home. The apartment building looked a little rundown to be honest, but she could tell that many shinobi lived there, from the number of unfamiliar chakra signatures she felt around her. Kakashi lived on the top floor, his door a dingy gray with the paint peeling. Kakashi directed her to expel some of her chakra on the door so he could add her signature to his locks. He had her try to open his door and nodded in satisfaction when his door unlocked easily.

He opened his door and ushered her inside. Kakashi watched her take in his apartment with interest. He looked around and frowned at what he saw. He hadn’t updated the apartment in years, feeling no need to. The few friends he invited in were usually only there to ensure he was coming out for the night and stayed only long enough to drag him out of the house. He’d never invited a woman to his apartment. It was his sanctuary, and the few flings he’d had were always at their homes. Only Genma and Gai had spent much time there. Genma lived in the same apartment complex and infrequently used his home as a hideout when his latest conquest overstayed her welcome. That had happened less and less as time went on and Kakashi couldn’t remember the last time he'd woken up with Genma sleeping on his couch. Gai stopped by often to challenge him to another battle in their longstanding rivalry and occasionally insisted on making Kakashi healthy food to ensure that he lived a long youthful life. Neither Genma or Gai cared what his home looked like. But Kakashi realized that it could use an update.

The couch was old, sagging but very comfortable. His television was just as old, and he wasn’t certain if it was still working. His coffee table had been rescued years before when Genma bought himself a new one. The wood was scarred and covered in stains, but it was sturdy and had always served him well. His apartment was open concept and the kitchen was separated only by an island that acted as a half wall, with a few rickety barstools lined up underneath it. His kitchen wasn’t anything to impress, the walls and countertops bare, nothing adorning his fridge.

“It looks very…nice.” Sakura commented weakly.

“I’m rarely home,” Kakashi said as way of explanation, a little embarrassed. “Mr. Ukki is through here.”

He led the way to the back of his apartment and to a small hallway. Three of the four doors were open, revealing his bathroom, a second room he used as storage and his bedroom. It was here that he kept most of his belongings and it was spacious and bright compared to the rest of the apartment. His bed was pushed against one wall, a worn desk pushed against the other. Papers were spread over the surface and Kakashi hurried to gather them up and stack them neatly.

“Mission reports.” He told her. “Overdue ones.”

Sakura giggled and looked around curiously at his room. His bed was made, which surprised Sakura. Despite him being an elite Jounin, she’d always imagined that he’d be a little messy. It made sense that he was neat though. It took a lot of self-discipline to get where he was. She smiled brightly when she saw the picture that sat on his bedside table. It was the first picture they’d taken as Team 7, with Naruto’s scowl, Sasuke’s grimace, and both of their smiles. She’d been so happy in that picture, but as Sakura thought about it, she couldn’t really remember why. Wasn’t it because she’d been on a team with Sasuke? Another picture caught her attention and she approached Kakashi’s desk with wide eyes. It was his team when he was young. Minato Namikaze, the Fourth Hokage and his former sensei. There was a boy that she didn’t recognize but Naruto had told her all about Obito Uchiha, a relative of Sasuke’s who’d died years ago. And there she was, Rin Nohara, Kakashi’s soulmate. She felt a jolt of possession as she looked at the girl that Kakashi had loved. She brushed the feeling away and studied her.

She was pretty, but not as beautiful as Kurenai-sensei. The purple marks adorning her cheeks must be a clan marking like Kiba’s was. Rin’s brown hair was shorter than her own, her dark eyes a shade lighter than Kakashi’s. Sakura wondered idly if Kakashi preferred girls with short hair. The girl looked so happy in comparison to Kakashi and Obito. It reflected Team 7’s picture and she wondered how else their teams were similar? Was Kakashi more like Naruto or Sasuke? She couldn’t imagine Kakashi as loud and brash as Naruto and the expression he wore was like Sasuke’s. She could just imagine Rin falling for Kakashi the same way she’d fallen for Sasuke. He looked the type to be cool and mysterious. Actually, he’d maintained that mysterious air with the mask. Sakura often saw women pointing at him while giggling among themselves. Kakashi Hatake, heartbreaker was what they whispered. The title bugged her a little. Surely, he’d remained loyal to his soulmate? But they’d been so young when she’d died. Kakashi wasn’t a virgin, was he? Her face flooded with color at the thought, but she couldn’t resist the urge to ask.

“Hey, sensei?”

“Yes, Sakura?” Kakashi asked idly, as he sorted through his mission reports. Now was a good a time as any to hand them in. Tsunade would hate if he didn’t finish them before he left.

“Are you dating anyone?”

He looked over sharply at Sakura, whose cheeks were red, her expression self-conscious. “No,” he said shortly, expecting the conversation to be over.

“But why?” Sakura persisted despite her embarrassment. “I’m sure Rin would want you to be happy.”

Kakashi sighed, rubbing his face. It was as if Sakura couldn’t help herself. He was worried that he hadn’t suppressed enough of her memories. Had she convinced herself she had a crush on him? Was he doomed to repeat the same mistakes? “I never said I haven’t had relationships Sakura. I don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy, or to feel complete. You need to understand that,” Kakashi said pointedly.

Sakura scowled at the implication. “I’m happy without Sasuke! Who said I wasn’t happy? I’m not all mopey like you are, going to the cenotaph every day and rubbing her name like some lovesick puppy!” Sakura’s hands clapped over her own mouth, her eyes widening in embarrassment.

Kakashi felt struck, the truth of her words stinging. A bitter laugh escaped his lips as he realized that Sakura was right, he _was_ moping, more than usual but it was because of Sakura and not Rin. He’d told Hinata that he could never be sad, not while Sakura was happy. He needed to remember that her happiness was more important than his own. Her happiness meant the world. As Sakura tried to bolt, Kakashi reached out quickly and grasped her hand. He felt the familiar jolt but ignored it as he pulled her towards him.

“Sakura.” His voice pleaded. “Look at me.”

Her eyes lifted to his and he could see how miserable and guilty she looked. “I’m sorry Kakashi. I shouldn’t have said that. You can delete my signature from the locks.”

“Sakura,” he said firmly. “I’m not angry at you. You’re not wrong,” he admitted. He guided her to sit down at his desk and he walked to the window, facing away from her as he spoke.

“My parents were soulmates and I’ve never seen anyone love each other more. My mother used to sing me to sleep, but my memories of her are mostly lost. I just remember that when she was alive, my father used to smile.”

“You don’t have to-” Sakura protested.

“It’s okay Sakura.” Kakashi paused as he gathered his thoughts. He’d never spoken about his parents to anyone and it was hard to put years of suppressed feelings into words. “When she died, a large part of my father died with her. He only ever smiled for me after that, but it was hard for him to pretend that her death hadn’t broken him. My father loved Konoha, and he cared for his teammates as he cared for his family. There was a mission that was vital to Konoha. During the mission he was faced a difficult choice. Finish the mission or rescue his teammates. He failed the mission, and Konoha suffered for it. Even his teammates scorned him for his choice." Sakura desperately wanted to say something but she let Kakashi speak. "My father killed himself when I was six years old. And whatever his reasoning, I’m sure that he was happy that he would see my mother again.” There was a bitterness he couldn’t hide when he spoke of his father’s death. Despite coming to terms with his choices during the mission, Kakashi could not forgive his father for abandoning him. He listened for Sakura's reaction, but heard only her shallow breathing so he continued. “When I got my soulmark, I hated the sight of it. It was a reminder of my father and I felt it was a weakness. I’d raised myself to believe that connections were weak, that the mission was paramount. But Obito and Rin made me see that abandoning a comrade was worse than what my father did. The mission came second to keeping the ones you cared for safe.” He thought back to the moment he saw Sakura for the first time, so very young and naïve. More than he’d ever been, and all the better for it. “When I saw her for the first time,” _When I saw you Sakura._ “the world stopped. And I knew right then and there she was it. She was young and happy and her smile lit up her face.”

Sakura squeezed her fists closed, her body trembling. Her emotions were jumbled, awe and grief and joy fighting for control at Kakashi’s story. It was so very romantic the way he described his soulmate, but so very tragic to know how it ended.

“And I knew too that she was too bright for me, and I could never deserve her.” He coughed, his voice steadying. “Rin jumped in front of me when I was trying to kill an enemy shinobi. She did it because they’d put something inside of her meant to destroy Konoha. And she knew that I wouldn’t have been able to do. I couldn’t stop myself, and she died in my arms.” No matter how many times he thought of how he could have saved her, of how her death had been her choice, he still couldn’t let go of his guilt. He’d promised Obito, and he’d failed in that promise.

He quieted, hoping that whatever bond they’d formed didn’t betray him when he spoke of her. He did not need to fake the grief he felt when describing Rin’s death. It had been a dark period of his life, the whispers of _Friend-killer Kakashi_ following him for months. Both of his teammates had died, and he’d taken one of their eyes and the other's life with his bare hands. He felt he deserved the village’s scorn.

Sakura didn’t know what to say. She hadn’t expected this answer when she’d asked Kakashi about his relationships. But hadn’t she wanted this answer? Hadn’t she imagined what had happened? Did that make her a terrible person that she was glad that he’d shared so much? He was her friend, and while she didn’t know how he felt, she would do her best to comfort him.  She stood up from his desk and walked to him. His hands were braced on his window, his head hanging down. Sakura wrapped her arms around his waist and settled her cheek between his shoulder blades. He stiffened briefly then relaxed into her touch.

“I’m sorry, Kakashi.” Nothing would change his past, but she hoped that in telling it, he’d let some of it go.

 _Push her away_ , Kakashi commanded himself. But her arms wrapped around him quieted every negative emotion. The sensation of her pressed against him was a comfort he’d needed for so long and he let himself rest for just a moment. Soon he would be gone, and it would be months before he saw her again. _Soon_ , he promised himself. _He would pull away from her soon._

XX

Kakashi left for his mission early the next morning, with a sleeping Sakura on his bed. He’d slept on the couch and had the best rest of his life. After Sakura had let go of him, she’d stumbled over her words and been adorably flustered. He’d shown her Mr. Ukki on his window sill and gave her instructions on how to properly care for him. He’d led her to the kitchen and sat her on a barstool as he made them a late snack. It was simple, but she’d professed it as the greatest dish she’d ever eaten. The possessive part of him warmed at the thought of taking care of his soulmate. After they ate, it was already late. Sakura was sleepy and fell asleep on his couch. He cleaned up their dinner and called her mother. He explained that Sakura had a difficult mission and was already asleep. Kakashi had met Sakura’s mother only once, but the woman assured him it was fine that she slept over at her sensei’s. Any inappropriate thoughts he might have had were shut down by her mother’s faith in him.

He wrote a note for Sakura and left the village before the sun came up. It would be six months before he saw her again.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has turned into something a lot longer than I originally envisioned. The original story was a nice 10,000 words. Ugh, I'm not good with multi-chapter fics. Look for an update next weekend. Work kicks my ass during the week.
> 
> EDIT: This story is likely to earn it's underage warning. It also includes self-harm in Chapter 4, though it has to do with training. The rating has been updated to reflect this.


	4. Part 4: Time-skip continued...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Here is a long-ass update. If you missed the previous end note edit, you may have noticed that the rating has changed. There are two reasons for that. There are mentions of self-harm in this chapter. It absolutely has to do with training but I felt obligated to put a warning. Also, as this story continues to grow into monstrous lengths, I realize that the underage warning is coming into play. Will they sleep together before Sakura's an adult? I have no idea but this chapter deserves the warning.

Sakura woke up the next morning and found Kakashi gone. He’d left a note that made her smile. She folded it carefully and put it in her pocket. She’d place it in her desk once she got home.

_I’ll be home soon. Please take care of Mr. Ukki. Don’t go into my apartment if Genma is there. Good luck with your training._   
_-Kakashi_

Her training with Tsunade consumed all her time and attention. She spent time with her friends when she could. Sometimes she noticed Ino or Tenten giving her odd looks when she moped about Sasuke, but she shrugged them off. Maybe it was stupid to like him after all this time, especially knowing that he wasn’t her soulmate. They’d never really discussed each other’s soulmarks after the night she finished painting Hinata’s toes. The memory seemed fuzzy and a little unreal. She knew she was unhappy, and it had something to do with her soulmate. She must have been more tired than she thought that night. She did puzzle over what they could represent, or any clues the marks gave away. She was certain that Hinata’s mark would match Naruto’s. The marks of Ino, Tenten and Lee were a bit of a mystery though. She wondered if any of them matched Sasuke’s mark? What would it mean for her if one of them did?

She sometimes thought of what Sasuke back in the village would look like. Would they go back on missions as Team 7? Would he continue to ignore her or act as her presence only annoyed him? Would he finally return the feelings she’d once professed to Ino so many years before? Sakura was careful not to inspect her own emotions too clearly. Her obsession with Sasuke shone bright in her memories, feelings of devotion coloring every memory she held of him. But sometimes the race of her heart, the catch of her breath felt false. Sometimes she remembered the way Sasuke used to look at her and treat her and her devotion felt hollow. When she slept at night in her childhood bedroom, looking at the pictures she’d pasted on the walls of the academy, she often wondered where she’d strayed.

She’d always known about her parents’ life as genin, completing the same D-rank missions she’d been sent on herself. She knew that even if they were no longer considered shinobi, that they had retained that expected discipline, that dedication to the village and to the good of the people. It had shaped her earliest aspirations, to hear her father speak of training, to see her parent’s faded and worn Hitai-ates. Eventually she’d focused on following her parents’ path and surpassing them. To become a genin was not her goal, one day she would be a Jounin and she would serve the village as faithfully as the Hokage whose visages were carved in stone. Once Sasuke had entered her life that dream had been derailed. He’d become her goal, to prove herself to a boy that didn’t know she existed.

She was fifteen years old, and sometimes she felt like she was thirty when she compared herself to the girl she’d been when entering the academy. She was still young, and she understood that her parents still saw her as the bright little girl that used to wear their Hitai-ates and played with their rubber kunai. As her training intensified, she realized that her parents could no longer understand her dream because they’d given up their own and shaped new ones for themselves. They worried and fussed, and her mother’s eyes constantly watched her with a fearful concern. They had no access to her mission files, and she’d been instructed not to discuss many of missions she’d completed with Team 7, especially the missions where she’d come home bruised and worn down. Her secrecy had created a strained relationship with her parents. They could not understand that some things even they were not entitled to know, and it frustrated them.

The final straw came when Sakura’s mother walked in on Sakura practicing medical ninjutsu on herself. Her control wasn’t quite perfect, and she wasn’t able to completely heal a larger wound, but she was getting much better. Tsunade had warned her about overextending herself and possible chakra exhaustion, but Sakura pushed herself too far many times before she became familiar with her limits. On this day, she’d been slicing open her palms with her kunai and healing the wounds with careful concentration. She was thrilled to see the improvement in her abilities and new scars and a few half-healed cuts adorned her arms before she realized that she’d drained too much of her chakra. The kunai had sat beside her open palm, Sakura dozing somewhere in the state between wakefulness and sleep when her mother had come into her room and cried out at the sight of her.

“It’s okay,” Sakura assured her with slurred words. “Jus chakra ex-exhaus-” she yawned, too tired to lift her hand to cover her mouth.

“Kizashi! KIZASHI!!!” her mother cried out for her husband, frantic as she knocked the kunai from Sakura’s reach. “What have you done, Sakura? _What have you done_?”

“What is it, Mebuki?” her father called out, running into the room and stopping at the sight of his wife cradling Sakura against her chest.

“She hurt herself, Kizashi.” She stroked Sakura’s hair. “I don’t understand. Is this because of that Sasuke she started talking about again?”

Slowly energy came back to Sakura as her chakra levels stabilized. Luckily it wasn’t a true chakra exhaustion or she would have had to go to the hospital and face Tsunade’s anger at her reckless behavior. She pulled away from her mom, glaring at the cuts she hadn’t been able to fully heal. “Mom, it’s fine. I’m fine. I was just practicing some medical ninjutsu and exceeded my limit a little.” Sakura stood on shaky feet and went to her dresser, looking for something to wipe the blood from her arm and completely missing the stricken expression on her mother’s face and her father’s heavy scowl.

When Sakura turned around she took in her parents’ expression with confusion. “What? What’s wrong?”

“What the hell is Tsunade teaching you?” her father thundered, his face turning bright with rage.

“Dad!” Sakura stared at him with horror. “Shishou is the Hokage! You can’t talk about her like that.”

“I don’t care if she gave birth to humanity!” her father seethed. “She’s making you hurt yourself, Sakura. What kind of training is that?”

Sakura looked at her mother who was crying silently, at her father’s clenched fists and finally, at the kunai she’d been using to cut her arm with. She swallowed hard with the realization of what her mother must have thought. She itched at her still-healing cuts and sighed. “I’m sorry,” she started with. “I didn’t realize what it looked like.”

_I’m sorry_? her mother mouthed, still dismayed by what she’d unknowingly walked into.

“Shishou is teaching to use my exceptional chakra control for medical ninjutsu,” Sakura stated proudly. “When Naruto and Sasuke come back I can heal them if they’re seriously injured. Maybe Shishou will even let me go on dangerous missions with Kakashi-sensei when he returns!” She frowned as her parents’ moods seemed to worsen at the news, her mother’s closed fist pressing painfully into her mouth to stifle her sobs.

“Mom? Dad? What’s wrong? Didn’t you hear me? I’m getting better at ninjutsu and Hinata and Lee are still practicing taijutsu with me regularly. I could probably pass the chunin exams easily now.” Sakura boasted, trying to cheer her parents up. “I’ll be ready for S-class missions soon.”

“S-class missions?” her mother repeated with a fearful look at her husband.

Sakura stared at her mother with growing concern and looked to her father for some clarification.

“Sakura,” her father sighed and moved to hold his wife’s hand. “We are very proud of you. We never imagined that you would become a student of the Hokage, no less.” He squeezed his wife’s hand in support as she nodded her head in agreement with her husband’s words. “But you’re our daughter.” At Sakura’s ignorant expression, he tried to explain. “When you have children, you’ll understand. We love you more than anything in the world and it scares us both to see you injured. No matter how proud of you we are, we never want to see you suffering.”

“I see,” Sakura whispered. And she did. How could she be so oblivious to her parents’ concern? She remembered half a dozen occasions where her recitation of Team 7’s exploits had caused her parents to look at each other with apprehension. And she hadn’t even told them of times where she or Naruto or Sasuke had almost died. She was torturing her parents without meaning to. They had just enough knowledge of shinobi life to understand that one day Sakura might not come home. “I’m sorry mom and dad. I didn’t even think.” She healed her remaining cuts and moved to hug her mother. “I’m always very careful,” she promised. “And Kakashi-sensei protects me. Naruto too. They’re always protecting me, and I want to be able to protect them in return. I can’t promise that I won’t be hurt,” she announced heavily. “but I will always be careful.”

Her mother clutched Sakura to her, wishing that Sakura was still young so she could protect her as a parent should. Wishing that she hadn’t let her husband encourage Sakura’s ambition to become a shinobi no matter how worthy it was.

“That’s all we can ask.” Her father said. “And please, practice your medical ninjutsu on someone else.”

Sakura agreed and spent more time at Kakashi’s apartment. She felt a little guilty for invading his space, but she also hoped that one day he would return while she was watering Mr. Ukki and see how well she’d taken care of his home. She’d cleaned it from top to bottom, careful not to disturb anything personal and never snooping, no matter how curious she was. Under her care, Mr. Ukki had grown too large for his current pot and she’d clipped some of his branches and successfully transplanted them to other pots, thus growing Mr. Ukki a little family. The experience with her parents had troubled her greatly and she no longer cut herself to practice healing. Instead, she requested that anyone from the other teams come to find her when they were injured, so she could practice. It grew out of hand right away and her parents were wary of wounded shinobi coming into their home at all hours of the night and day so Sakura could train. But she would not let them invade Kakashi’s sanctuary and she couldn’t hang around the training grounds all day in hopes of having a patient.

A few weeks after the incident with her parents, Sakura moved to her own apartment. With help from her parents and the small income she’d begun to earn from small D-class missions and helping Tsunade, she was barely able to afford a small one-room apartment close to Kakashi’s. Her parents had resisted when she’d first proposed the idea, but after a long talk they acquiesced. She truly believed it was the best option, though it hurt to see her mother crying when she picked up the last of her belongings. Her apartment was much like Kakashi’s, sparsely furnished with old worn furniture. She’d been saving her earnings from her academy days and bought what she could afford without emptying her savings. She couldn’t wait until Naruto and Kakashi returned so she could show them her new home.

The first two months after Kakashi left passed very quickly and she rarely had a free second to worry about his absence. When the first half of the third month had passed, Sakura began to visit his apartment more often in hopes that he returned when she was there. By the fourth month she was often distracted by thoughts of why he was taking so long. When the fifth month passed, Sakura was actively asking Tsunade for weekly or daily updates on his condition. His mission was imperative Tsunade insisted and he couldn’t make contact often or his cover would be blown. His last update had assured Tsunade of his safety, but it was taking longer than usual to get the information he needed, and he likely wouldn’t be in touch until he handed her his mission report. That was sometime near the end of the fourth month and it was driving Sakura mad not to know what was happening.

“Sakura! You’re driving me crazy!” Tsunade moaned, angrily throwing her bottle of sake at the wall in frustration. “Kakashi will come home when his mission is complete and not a second sooner!”

“But Shishou-”

“No!” Tsunade growled. “Enough about the brat! If anything were to go wrong, Pakkun will be the first to inform me that his blood contract with Kakashi was voided by his death.”

“His death?” Sakura whimpered.

Tsunade’s expression softened. “Sakura, he won’t die. He’s too lucky to die. I’ve never seen someone so determined to die and surviving through the worst situations despite himself.”

Sakura bit her lip, not reassured by the backhanded observation. “Like the time with Rin?”

Tsunade tried to focus past her rising hangover and stared at Sakura in confusion. “Rin Nohara? That’s a name I haven’t heard in years. How do you know that name?” In truth, Tsunade didn’t know Rin Nohara personally. But the Third had a special fondness for Kakashi, as he had for Naruto and he’d kept a file on him for the next Hokage. Tsunade had skimmed through it simply because Kakashi was the previous sensei of Sakura and she was curious about the man that had failed her so spectacularly. She’d read of his heartbreaking past and felt sympathetic but many of his generation’s shinobi had lived through tragedy. Rin Nohara had been his teammate that he’d been forced to kill to prevent another attack of a tailed beast. Though it was noted that Rin had become unstable with the death of her soulmate, his other teammate Obito whose eye Rin had transplanted to replace Kakashi’s own.

“Kakashi told me about his soulmate.” Sakura said guiltily. “I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone.”

“His soulmate?” Tsunade tried to focus and remember the finer details of his report. Kakashi had been given annual physicals until he’d retired from Anbu. He’d never manifested a soulmark, from what she remembered, one of the many from his generation who hadn’t. It pained Tsunade to remember her own soulmate, Dan and assumed as many had that those without soulmarks had lost them before puberty. Too many shinobi children had died in the pursuit of peace, including her own dear brother Nawaki. He was never given the opportunity to reach puberty, and yet he’d been considered old enough to fight and die for Konoha. “Kakashi Hatake has never manifested a soulmark,” Tsunade announced, watching Sakura closely. “Rin Nohara was the soulmate of his teammate Obito Uchiha.”

Sakura frowned. “That can’t be true,” she insisted. “He told me she was his soulmate.” She remembered the expression on his face when he’d told her. When she focused on the memory, a sharp pain formed in her head.

_“She loved me.”_

_“And did you love her?”_

_“I could have. I wish I had.”_

“Or did he?” Sakura wondered aloud with confusion, clutching her aching head.

Tsunade watched Sakura with growing concern as her face drained of color and her eyes glazed over, fingers pressed into her temples. “Sakura, what’s happening?”

Sakura shook her head. “I don’t know. I don’t feel well.”

Tsunade got up and went to Sakura, gently pushing her hands aside and placing her own on Sakura’s head to investigate if she had an injury. She aimed healing chakra at Sakura’s temples and heard Sakura sigh in relief. A closer investigation revealed nothing wrong with Sakura, though her sudden confusion and pain made Tsunade highly suspicious.

“What were you saying about Kakashi?” Tsunade commanded gently.

Sakura shook her head, still a little dazed and confused. “When is Kakashi coming home? I miss him.” She yawned, suddenly tired and ready for a nap.

Tsunade stared sharply at Sakura with the drop of the honorific and Sakura’s pleading tone. “He’ll be home soon, Sakura. How does that make you feel?” she persuaded carefully, a little guilty to take advantage of Sakura’s mental incapacitation.

“Happy,” Sakura murmured dreamily. “He makes me happy.”

“ _Why, Kakashi_?” _Why didn’t he want his own soulmate who was right in front of his eyes?_

Sakura frowned. “No, he doesn’t want me.” She started to tremble as her memories warred with each other. He rejected her. Why did matter? Why did it matter if he did reject her? She wasn’t his soulmate.

_“I’ll make it better, Sakura. I promise.” He slipped his gloves off, cupping her face once again and forcing her eyes to his._

And it was made clear to Sakura what had happened, the spinning tomoes vibrant in her mind as Tsunade’s chakra mitigated the pain in her head and cleared her mind. He was her soulmate and he’d made her forget. He’d deceived her. She shook her head to clear her thoughts, wrapping her arms around herself and clutching her stomach.

“Sakura,” Tsunade’s voice was dangerous, a vein throbbing in her forehead. “Explain.”

Sakura laughed weakly, mind racing on what to tell her. She’d been stupid to speak her thoughts aloud. And she was beyond angry at Kakashi, but she didn’t want to see him in jail. What she suspected he’d done was very illegal and Tsunade would be enraged on her behalf. “You caught me.” Sakura said placating. “I’ve had a crush on Kakashi for a long time. Not long before he left he rejected me.” She flinched in remembrance of the pain his words had caused. That part wasn’t really a lie. He had rejected her.

“Is that so?” Tsunade said disbelieving.

“He made me see that I should like someone my own age.”

“Like Sasuke?” Tsunade’s eyebrow climbed up.

“Like Sasuke,” Sakura agreed sheepishly. “It was a silly crush.” She asserted more firmly. “When he left we were on good terms. Obviously, he lied to me about Rin. He was trying to save my feelings.”

“And why have neither of you mentioned this before?” Tsunade demanded.

“Because it was resolved! And embarrassing!” Sakura protested. “I didn’t want the team to be broken up over something so insignificant.” Her face fell as she tried to explain. She couldn’t help the distress she felt, even if she was trying to save Kakashi’s skin. “Maybe I’m not over it,” Sakura admitted. “But he’s still my friend, and I have every right to be worried about him!”

“Relax Sakura,” Tsunade sighed. What to do, what to do. Clearly Sakura was hiding something to protect Kakashi, but what? She had no doubt about the man’s character despite his obsession with Jiraiya’s perverted book series. He’d proven to be a loyal shinobi to Konoha, and Naruto and Sakura both thought the world of him. “The brat isn’t in trouble.”

Sakura sighed and visibly relaxed. “Thank you, Shishou. Kakashi-sensei is a good man.”

Tsunade nodded and dismissed Sakura, who scampered out of the office as if her ass was on fire. As soon as she was gone, Tsunade dug through the files in her desk until she found Kakashi’s. She browsed through his medical file again, noting with interest that the last annual physical he’d received was when he was 21. Sakura would have only been 7 or 8 years old at the time and too young to have reached puberty. Why would he feel the need to lie to Sakura about having a soulmate? Interesting indeed.

XX

Kakashi returned home in the middle of the night. He was sore and had multiple cuts and bruises covering his body, but otherwise it was exhaustion that slowed his steps. He’d run for the better part of the day, eager to return home to a hot shower and bed. Tomorrow, he would stop by to see Tsunade and give her a verbal report on his mission. If he was lucky, Sakura would be at the Hokage tower, helping Tsunade or Shizune and he would run into her. Six months without seeing her was harder than he imagined, and he’d dreamed of her constantly. Sakura had turned 15 in his absence and he was grateful for the passage of time. 16 years old was the age of consent for a shinobi, and sadly it was because of the type of missions that you would be expected to undertake. Hinata would be exempt, being the heiress of the Hyuga clan, but Tenten, Sakura and even Ino would be expected to participate in seduction missions soon. Nothing they weren’t willing to do, but things that Kurenai had once admitted felt degrading. Even Kakashi had completed his fair share of seduction missions, and he hated every single one of them.

He had no desire to take advantage of Sakura, and whatever the laws of Konoha stated, he wouldn’t approach her about their soulmarks until she was 18. He would be 31 on her 18th birthday and turn 32 before her 19th and while the thought made him loathe himself, even his control had a limit. He knew of people who’d rejected their soulmark even when faced with the people that shared it. Whether it was because they were already in a committed relationship, or because they found their soulmate unsuitable, it wasn’t unheard of. Yet Kakashi couldn’t imagine rejecting an adult Sakura and walking away from the bond that was already pulling at him. She was his, and he was hers in a way that was essential and unexplainable. If she chose someone else, Sasuke or another nameless man, then he would have no choice in the matter. It disturbed him to realize that before he walked away, he would lay himself at her feet and beg her to accept him. He was truly pitiful.

When he entered his apartment, he felt her presence immediately and his heart quickened. She wasn’t on his couch. He moved closer to his bedroom, listening carefully for movement. He could pick up her heartbeat, slow and steady. Her breaths were deep and even, his bedsheets rustling with her small movements as she shifted on his bed. She was sleeping. Sakura was sleeping in his bed. His pants tightened immediately at the thought and he turned away before he entered his bedroom and was faced with a sleeping Sakura in his bed. He went to the bathroom instead and turned on the tap, splashing his face with cold water. He stared at himself, noting absently that his mask was sliced, his right cheek bleeding sluggishly. Kakashi couldn’t face Sakura in his condition, hard and aching, wounded and disheveled. He stripped carefully, hissing as fabric peeled away from dried blood and reopened a few wounds.

He turned the water on, tempted to take a cold shower, but his body ached and a chill had set deep in his bones after hours of endless running. He groaned at the feel of the water, appreciating the heat that permeated his body. He scrubbed his skin until it was raw, lathering soap in his hair and rinsing it out with a happy sigh as the grit and dirt was washed down the drain. He’d avoided thinking about anything but washing his body, but he was still hard and aroused. He sighed in defeat, gripping himself and stroking. He deliberately imagined a faceless woman lying in his bed, her hair forming a halo around her head, mouth parted with shaky breaths. He squeezed, moaning lowly as he imagined her wearing nothing, arms stretched above her head as he pressed kisses to her soft stomach, to her firm thighs. He shuddered as he came to the thought of how she would sound when he finally touched her.

He finished his shower quickly, ensuring every trace of his guilt was washed down the drain with the blood and dirt that had coated his skin. His freshest wounds had reopened, stinging slightly as he dried off. He stared with dismay at the clothes on the ground. He couldn’t stand putting them back on, hard and crusted, and fragrant as they were with dried blood and sweat and caked on dirt. He wrapped the towel around his waist and opened the door very quietly. He listened carefully and was relieved to hear that Sakura was still asleep, soft snores erupting from her mouth. He crept into his room as silent as his could, opening his drawers and grabbing the first set of clothes that he could and escaping back to the bathroom. He dressed quickly, sliding his mask over his face just as Sakura knocked on the bathroom door.

Kakashi scooped up his dirty clothes and opened the door to reveal a sleepy Sakura, hair sticking up all over the place, wearing a full set of pajamas covered with hearts. On her feet were a pair of fluffy blue slippers with ears. He stared at them, uncertain if the ears were supposed to belong to a rabbit or dog. It was a stark reminder of how very young she still was. He could tell she was still mostly asleep as she murmured a greeting and moved past him into the bathroom, waiting for him to step out before she closed the door. He went to his room and threw his clothes into his laundry basket. He would probably end up throwing them out, but it was as good a place as any to store them. He waited patiently as the tap turned on and off and Sakura padded back into his room. She leaned into his touch as he stroked her hair in passing but barely paused on her way back to bed. She grumbled in annoyance at the light and slipped back under his covers without a thought.

“It’s time to get up,” Kakashi told Sakura with amusement.

“It’s the middle of the night, Kakashi. It’s your turn to stand watch.” She mumbled sleepily.

Kakashi waited for her to realize what she’d just said and laughed as she suddenly jumped out of the bed. His laugh was cut off as she launched herself at him and hugged him. “You’re back!”

“Careful Sakura,” he chided as his various cuts and bruises protested her enthusiasm.

“And you’re hurt!” she admonished, pulling at shirt to try and survey the damage.

“Maa Sakura, it’s okay. It’s only minor cuts and bruises. They’ll heal in a few days.”

Sakura grinned at him. “Why wait a few days?” She pushed him towards the bed, forcing him to sit as she inspected his arms first. He’d grabbed a sleeveless undershirt, though his trademark mask was attached to it, as it was to all his undershirts.

His eyes widened as her hands illuminated with green chakra. Tsunade had taught her medical ninjutsu in six months? He watched impressed as Sakura attended to the bruises and cuts on his arms, sighing in contentment as her chakra hummed in his system. The feeling of her chakra was soothing, and he was still so tired and relaxed after his shower and subsequent activities. He almost didn’t register when her fingers once again tugged at his shirt, trying to pull it from his pants where he’d tucked it in securely, a habit he’d formed since his mark had appeared at 21. He tensed, grabbing Sakura’s hands to still them. “I’m fine Sakura.” he said firmly.

At her wounded expression, he lifted her hands to his lips and kissed one of her palms softly through his mask. “Thank you.” He murmured against her palm as Sakura’s face flooded with color, her breaths short and choppy. He stood up, towering over Sakura and pulled her into another hug. Her arms wrapped tentatively around him, her face pressing into his chest.

“I missed you Kakashi,” Sakura admitted softly.

He squeezed her in response, reluctantly pulling away from her so he didn’t do something more idiotic than he already had. “What are you doing here so late?” he questioned, eyes creasing in a smile so she knew he wasn’t upset.

Sakura’s eyes flickered away, her fists clenching. “I came to water Mr. Ukki and his family.”

Kakashi tilted his head in query. That didn’t really answer why she was sleeping in his bed. His eyes moved to the window sill where Mr. Ukki and three more plants now resided. “His family?”

Sakura bounded to the window sill and pointed them out. “I haven’t named them. I left that for you.”

“How did they get there?” Kakashi wondered, scratching his head.

“Mr. Ukki was getting too big for his pot,” Sakura beamed proudly, “so I trimmed him and planted his branches.”

“Ahh, thank you Sakura.”

“You’re welcome!” Sakura shifted as Kakashi stared at her.

He was imagining what it would be like to come home to Sakura like this. Sleepy and mussed, greeting him affectionately and so very happy to see him. It was nice for someone to miss him and it would be easy to grow comfortable with someone waiting for him. “Maybe you should go home now Sakura. It’s late.”

Sakura nodded. “You’re right. It’s late, I should go home,” she repeated dutifully. She opened his window, swinging a leg out before Kakashi grabbed her hand.

“You can’t go home in just that,” he admonished.

“But I live in the next building.” Sakura told him.

“What?” Kakashi let go of her hand and stared at the apartment next door with accusation. “When did that happen?”

“A couple months ago,” Sakura shrugged. “I love my parents, but my training was putting an unnecessary strain on them. Moving out was the best option.”

“I see.” Kakashi said with a frown. He didn’t, not really. He’d been orphaned so long ago and living alone for just as long. He wasn’t accustomed to being accountable to anyone.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Sakura questioned.

Kakashi nodded. She would see him every day if he had his way. “Please stop by whenever you are able.” He requested.

Sakura matched his serious tone. “We need to talk, then?”

“Yes,” Kakashi agreed. It was time to discuss their marks. Their behavior tonight had felt natural, even if it should have been awkward and stilted. His skin tingled from her chakra, and the softness of her touch as she’d healed him. His own behavior he understood. He needed to be close after so much time apart. He needed the reassurance that she was here, solid under his hands. It was an itch that he’d ignored until the sight of her reminded him. Sakura’s reciprocating affection was unexplained. Had she remembered what he did? Was she simply reacting without thought because she was tired? The memories he’d planted did not change that they were soulmates and Kurenai and Asuma had explained it as being each other’s touchstones. When either of them returned from a longer mission, the need for connection and touch was crucial and undeniable. Asuma often joked that they couldn’t keep their hands off each other, much to the irritation of Kurenai but she’d never denied the claims.

Sakura disappeared out the window with a small wave, and he watched as she scaled the next roof before disappearing on the other side. He smiled affectionately at the sight of her slippers’ ears flapping in the wind as she ran.

XX

Sakura woke up the next morning more relaxed than she’d been in months despite her interrupted sleep. She smiled in remembrance at Kakashi’s easy affection but frowned as she considered the discussion they would have sometime today. Her memories were still jumbled, her obsession with Sasuke still coloring so many of her childhood ones, warring with her discovered feelings for Kakashi. Did she love him? She couldn’t tell if what she felt was love. She’d thought she loved Sasuke, and he’d surely dominated her thoughts for a few years as she fantasized that they would grow up and get married and have children. She could admit that she still found the memory of him attractive. She still missed him and wanted him to return to Konoha and Team 7. Did that equal love?

She turned her thoughts to Kakashi, her perverted sensei who’d never really seemed to care about her. Kakashi, who’d planted false memories of an affectionate camaraderie between them where none had existed. Did he regret the way he’d treated her? Had he wished he’d treated her the same as the boys? Or was he simply trying to hide 2 years of neglectful behavior? It was hard to piece together, the man he’d tried to portray himself as, and the man that he’d been. Distant and careful, but so very observant. She tried to see it from his view, discovering a soulmate that was over a decade younger and a child, where he’d probably gone years with the assumption that he had none. How hard had that been to adjust to? How would she have reacted? She considered what he’d told her about his past, and his father in particular. He’d never explicitly explained how his father had died, but asking Shizune had revealed the story of Konoha’s White Fang and his eventual suicide. Everyone he’d grown attached to had died, his parents, his teammates, his sensei but his father had left him willingly, killing himself for what? Tears leaked from her eyes when she considered her parents dying, when she thought of watching Sasuke die and being forced to kill Naruto. Grief threatened to overwhelm her as she imagined Kakashi’s slumped form, eyes glassy and empty of life. The people she loved and held most dear were alive and well, but what kind of person would she become if they weren’t? Would she turn into Sasuke, bitter and set on vengeance? Or become Kakashi, aloof and never really letting anyone in, even his soulmate?

What he did to her, she wasn’t sure she could forgive. Whatever he’d wished, the truth was what it was and placing a genjutsu on her would never change it. She could understand that he had no idea how to treat her but he’d hurt her far more than he needed to, and he’d done it to spare himself. That didn’t stop her from missing him. It had turned into a sharp ache in his absence, and only sleeping in his bed, surrounded by reminders of him had seemed to ease it. Hopefully with his return, she would finally be able to sleep peacefully again.

She arrived at Kakashi’s apartment early but found him already gone. It didn’t overly concern her. Tsunade needed to know he’d returned and maybe he would go to the hospital to have his injuries looked at, no matter how minor they were. He hadn’t left her a note, but she spent the morning tidying up his already clean apartment. Then she pulled one of his books about genjutsu from the bookshelf and sat on his bed to read. It was her day off and no one was expecting her to show up at the hospital or Hokage tower so she wasn’t concerned with anyone coming to look for her. So she read up what she could about the lingering effects of genjutsu, especially mind-altering ones. It was better to be informed about any potential side effects now that the genjutsu he’d placed on her was dispelled.

XX

Tsunade had been pleased with his report, but Kakashi had the impression that she was angry with him, even as she praised his actions. It was if she wanted to say something more to him but held herself back in the presence of Shizune. He was eager to leave, waving off her suggestion of visiting the hospital.

 Tsunade’s voice stopped him before he could finally leave. “Oh, and Kakashi?”

“Yes, Hokage-sama?” he inquired respectfully.

“Your medical files are out of date. I expect you to get your annual physical this year, no matter what. Am I being clear?”

Kakashi swallowed hard at the threat inherent in her posture and nodded. “Of course, Hokage-sama.”

“Good, now beat it.”

He sighed heavily as he approached his apartment. An annual physical was out of the question. Sakura’s mark was surely on record, wherever her mark happened to be and if his was discovered, the consequences of his inaction would be severe. He could argue that he hadn’t realized, but he had a feeling that Tsunade was already keeping a close eye on him and Sakura. She was her student after all and seemed to cherish her. He didn’t blame Tsunade for looking out for Sakura as he should have all these years.

He could sense Sakura’s presence as he approached, but it was more than that as his senses reacted to her. He could catch her scent on the wind, too indistinct for anyone but a Hatake or perhaps a Inuzuka. She’d showered this morning, the familiar scent of Pakkun’s Floral Green shampoo making him smile. He could hear her fingers sliding across the pages of one his books and he imagined what she looked like, curled in his blankets, pink head bent over one of his books. He entered through the window abruptly, taking in her startled expression before he pulled her to her feet. He needed to touch and taste her to satisfy his senses. His arms wrapped around her, mask pushed down as his mouth pressed chastely to her forehead. It would have to be enough as she trembled in his grasp and he remembered himself. He pulled his mask up in shame, watching as her eyes blinked open.

“Kakashi? What was that?”

He shrugged, falling into his familiar slouch, hands buried deep in his pockets so he would not touch her. “It was a long mission. I’m sorry Sakura.”

Sakura nodded as if that was explanation enough. It wasn’t. He was being inappropriate, but it was too easy to fall into the same pattern as last night. To acquiesce to his need to reach for her and have that need reciprocated. But he could see from her expression that she’d come to a decision and he probably wouldn’t like it.

“We should talk,” Sakura said quietly and he flinched at the resolve in her eyes. “I don’t know what this is,” she gestured between them in frustration. “But it can’t continue for obvious reasons.”

“Yes,” Kakashi agreed because what else could he say? He pulled up the memory of her in heart-covered pajamas and wearing her silly slippers and a dozen other memories of Sakura’s more childish moments to remind himself that this was necessary, that she was right.

“I think I know why you used your Sharingan on me,” Sakura speculated, “but I need to hear it from you.”

“So you remember.”

“Yes,” Sakura scowled, “And no. I don’t know what’s real and what isn’t anymore. Do you understand how frightening that is?”

“No,” Kakashi said truthfully. He hated himself for the turmoil on her face and he only wanted to make it better. “I should never have altered your memories. It was wrong, but I can get rid of the residual memories for you so you know what was real.”

“And you expect me to trust you?” Sakura asked incredulously.

“You don’t have a reason to,” Kakashi admitted. “But I never meant to hurt you,” At Sakura’s disbelieving snort, he insisted. “I wanted you to be happy Sakura. And I haven’t made you happy since the moment I met you. I was a terrible sensei, and I deserve your anger and mistrust. But you looked at me and you were hurting,” his voice cracked as he remembered the expression on her face _. Why Kakashi?_ “And I knew that whatever happened, I never wanted to see you cry over me again.”

“So you made yourself into the model sensei? You made yourself look good to make up for your own guilt?” Sakura demanded, fists clenched in anger at his revelation.

“I never meant to,” Kakashi asserted. “It was an unintended benefit.” _A soulmate is the person that loves you most._ The words his mother had spoken to him rang in his ears and no matter how he’d tried to deny it to himself, he’d never loved anyone more than Sakura, who was watching him with an expression twisted in anger. He’d failed her in so many ways, but altering her memories was probably the worst thing he could have done.

Minato had often told him about his parents, even when Kakashi made a point to voice his anger at his father. Maybe it was simply stories, maybe most of them were fabricated but Minato had no reason to lie to him about them. They’d never had a reason to distrust each other and whatever mistakes Sakumo had made with his son, Minato assured him that his mother had died a happy woman, adored by her husband until the end. Kakashi couldn’t even accomplish that much.

“Sakura, I’m not asking you to forgive me. There is no explanation that will make this better or change what I did. What you felt, what you experienced, was entirely my fault.” He sighed heavily. “I don’t know _how_ to make it better. I don’t know how to make you happy,” he admitted. “That’s why I never wanted a soulmate. I’m not Asuma or my father.”

“I don’t want you to be anyone but _you_ ,” Sakura cried. “I just wanted honesty! You don’t think I realize that we can’t have a relationship? That what we’re feeling is wrong?”

“No,” Kakashi said firmly. “It isn’t wrong. It’s just not the right time.”

Sakura’s shoulders slumped. “Will there ever be a right time, Kakashi?”

Kakashi tilted Sakura’s chin up so she would look him in the eye. “One day Sakura, absolutely nothing will keep me from you. But one word from you, and I’ll step back. You deserve normalcy and happiness and I will do everything I can to ensure that you get it.”

“You deserve that too Kakashi,” Sakura insisted. “But I need time. Everything I feel for you is too intense and it scares me.”

Kakashi stared into her green eyes and smiled in reassurance. “It’s okay Sakura. I’ve waited this long.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Focus on you, on what you need and want. Don't worry about me right now."

“Why does it feel like you’re saying goodbye?” Sakura clutched his vest in fear.  

“I’m not,” Kakashi insisted. “I’m just saying wait. Wait until you’re older.”

“I can do that.” Sakura whispered.

“Good,” Kakashi murmured. He pulled her close again, possibly for the last time. He had no intention of saying goodbye, no intention of moving on but he understood that Sakura was still growing. She hadn’t fully matured and in a few years what she wanted now, what she was feeling now might only be a painful memory. He needed to give her room to discover what she wanted. He breathed her in, memorizing her scent, and her feel and fixing the moment into his memory. It was an important one. They hadn’t said the words. They hadn’t made any declarations or shown each other the marks that bound them together, but it was a beginning and an end and it felt important.

XX

Eventually Naruto returned and the first thing he did was bang on her door. She didn’t know how he got her address, but it didn’t matter. Sakura greeted him with an exuberant hug, tears of joy streaming down her cheeks. He pushed her way and eagerly began to strip off his pants. Sakura could only watch with mounting horror at his bright orange boxers.

“Naruto, you idiot! What are you-?"

“Look!” Naruto exclaimed eagerly. “I have my mark!” He proudly pointed to the mark just above his knee, a sun that matched the one that Hinata had shown her months before. “What’s yours?” he asked eagerly.

She sighed, reading the hope in his eyes and shaking her head sadly. “Mine isn’t a sun Naruto.”

“Oh,” Naruto’s face fell, disappointed by the news. “I should have known. I wonder what Sasuke's is?" 

“Well there's no way my mark matches his!" Sakura announced hotly. 

Naruto brightened at her declaration and immediately started telling her about his time away.

“Naruto, you idiot,” Sakura interrupted with a pointed glare at the pants that were still around his ankles.

“Oh, Sorry Sakura!” Naruto grinned sheepishly as he pulled his pants up.

Sakura rolled her eyes at his antics, immeasurably pleased to have him back. She didn’t immediately announce who his soulmate was. It felt cruel to keep it from him, but Sakura didn’t want Naruto to overwhelm Hinata on his return. The poor girl might have a heart attack and die if he were to drop his pants in front of her.

She and Kakashi weren’t actively avoiding each other. It was more an unspoken agreement to give each other space after the heavy revelations on both of their sides. When Naruto invited her to Ichiraku with Kakashi, she politely declined.

“But he’s paying!” Naruto whined. “Kakashi-sensei never pays! And maybe we can finally see his face!”

Sakura closed her eyes, remembering the touch of Kakashi’s lips against her forehead. She had her chance, but she’d been too afraid. “That’s okay Naruto. I promised Hinata I would have lunch with her, just the two of us,” she said pointedly as Naruto opened his mouth to invite her along.

Naruto gave her another hug and she marveled at how tall he’d gotten. Puberty sure was treating him right. His voice wasn’t much deeper but he’d grown so much in two years. His shoulders were broader, and his jawline had become more defined, his cheeks losing the baby fat but not the whiskers that marked his face. “Hey, Sakura?”

“Yes, Naruto?”

“Maybe you should invite Hinata to lunch next time? I haven’t seen her yet. It would be nice to catch up!” Naruto scratched his head nervously. “If she wants to that is.”

“Of course she does, Naruto! She missed you too!”

“Really?” Naruto’s smile looked wide enough to break his face. “That’s great!”

Sakura rolled her eyes at how oblivious he still was. She was going to have to lock these two in a closet if she wanted anything to happen. “Go, Naruto! You don’t want Kakashi-sensei to wait for too long.”

Naruto ran off with a wave over his shoulder. Sakura stared after him with joyful tears in her eyes. She couldn’t believe he was home. It felt like she had her brother back and she knew that Kakashi would be just as happy.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won't lie. I hated this chapter. It was hard to write and took forever to finish. So much more was supposed to happen in this chapter but it was sidetracked by Kakashi's and Sakura's drama. 
> 
> Look for an update next weekend. Hated it? Found it meh? Let me know, I really don't mind the constructive criticism. Thanks for reading!


	5. Part 5: After the Time-skip Finally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the update, a day later than I promised but I hope you can forgive me. 
> 
> This story has grown so much and as I wrote it, I rewatched many of my favorite episodes as I tried to consider moments to include that would be important in developing their relationship. It was hard to narrow it down as I love so many of the arcs in Shippuden. I did get a little carried away and you now have this chapter to get through because I couldn't slim it down. There is a lot more of NaruHina in this chapter. They are my original favorite pairing in Naruto and I still love them dearly. 
> 
> Also, another warning. As much as I love the characters in Naruto, I will probably keep the canon character deaths in place. But I did rearrange the timeline just a little. And one last thing, I swear. The amount of POV switches in this chapter are sure to give you whiplash. You've been warned!

Before they could be reassigned to missions Sakura and Naruto were informed that they would be facing Kakashi in another bell test to test the training they’d received from Tsunade and Jiraiya. It was fitting to pit them against their former sensei Sakura thought. And despite the tension that existed in their relationship, she was excited to show him what she’d learned besides medical ninjutsu.

Training Grounds Three brought back painful memories for both Sakura and Naruto and she had to wonder if Kakashi had chosen this place to unsettle them, Naruto in particular. With the memories of Sasuke still fresh in their minds, Naruto’s exuberant mood fell drastically. Sakura caught herself falling into the familiar patterns of grief and mourning. Sasuke was not dead, but she’d begun to accept that his absence from the village was possibly permanent. She hoped and wished with her entire being that he would return to them and set aside his current path so that they could be a team again and the family that Naruto had come to rely on so heavily. She knew that even Kakashi missed Sasuke in his own way and blamed himself for not being a better sensei. She looked around and saw themselves as if it was days and not years before. Sasuke with his arrogance, Naruto with his overzealous belief and her, with her uncertainty regarding her new feelings towards Kakashi and Sasuke.

Kakashi disappeared and lost them quite easily but Sakura thought through what he might do. When she realized where he had to be she smirked, eager to show off her new abilities. She pulled on her gloves and aimed a punch filled with chakra at the ground. The earth split with a satisfying crack, shifting underneath them and causing Naruto to wobble on his feet. Sakura smiled triumphantly as Kakashi was revealed with wide eyes and a star struck expression.

“I found you,” she crowed, pleased by his shock.

Adrenaline pumped through her system as Kakashi regained his senses. Sakura shivered as she realized that he was staring at her with open admiration and perhaps a little too appreciation. She frowned at him, but her blood sang under his gaze. She really hoped that Naruto wouldn’t be able to interpret the expression on Kakashi’s face. She needn’t have worried. When she looked to Naruto she saw that his attention was focused solely on her with as much admiration as Kakashi.

“Focus Naruto!” she snapped, flustered by Kakashi and irritated that Naruto still seemed to have a crush on her. She would be sure to let him know about Hinata as soon as there was a chance.

The test progressed much as the last time, Kakashi pitting them against the same tests as before but with them passing easily. She was tempted to let him prolong the genjutsu if only to speak to Sasuke’s image a little longer. She could feel Naruto trembling beside her, even more affected by the sight of him. _That was a cruel move Kakashi_. But it was a necessary one to see how they’d grown. She knew that Sasuke was not real, and the urge to run to him was muted which relieved her. It seemed that she’d truly grown out of her devotion to Sasuke. She thought she was beginning to know Kakashi but to see his expanse of knowledge and ability was thrilling. Her admiration for him as a shinobi was warranted and shared equally by Naruto who had nothing but praise for their sensei.

And despite the knowledge she possessed about Kakashi that few others did, she was still stumped on how to beat him. Perhaps if she was skilled in genjutsu she might be able to fabricate Rin to throw him off. Other than stripping naked she had no idea what could distract Kakashi, until Naruto showed just how much he’d matured as a tactician. Yes, it was fighting dirty and absolutely had no chance of working in battle on anyone but Kakashi, but when the sun rose they each had their bells and Kakashi was simply grateful that _Make-out Tactics_ wasn’t spoiled for him. She considered it a bonus that Naruto was required to clean Academy bathrooms for three days as punishment for reading an adult book.

Reunited under what was now known as Team Kakashi made Sakura feel as if they had a real chance at bringing Sasuke home safely. She and Naruto had both matured so much in their time apart, and she no longer felt that she would be a burden to her teammates. She would never be Naruto or Sasuke in terms of skill or chakra reserves, but she was slowly becoming the kunoichi that she’d imagined when she was young. And despite their difficulties, Kakashi had helped her to set her on that path and Naruto had always believed in her.

Time passed quickly after that and soon Gaara was abducted and Kankuro was poisoned. Team Kakashi was assigned to help out Suna to retrieve Gaara. This was also a chance for Sakura to utilize her training to save Kankuro’s life. When she was split from Naruto and Kakashi, she didn’t have the opportunity to think about the danger they were in as she was focused on surviving her fight with Sasori. It was as she trapped in Sasori’s cloud of poison that she remembered her promise to herself to stop relying on her teammates so much and to finally save herself and stop slowing them down. She thought of Kakashi losing another of his teammates and how much more that might affect him since she was his soulmate. They’d never laid it all out or admitted that they were soulmates, but they’d understood each other. She didn’t need to see the marks to know that they matched. She couldn’t die here and leave him alone. He’d lost so much, and she would do her best to ensure that he didn’t lose anything else.

The trip home was made quicker by Gai’s competitive nature. She barely had a chance to talk to Lee or Tenten before they were racing home. Sakura made sure to keep an eye on Kakashi who was too weak to move unassisted because of the use of his Mangekyo Sharingan. She wasn’t quite sure how to feel about the sight of Kakashi riding piggyback on Gai’s back. She wanted to laugh at Kakashi’s obvious discomfort, but she was also battling concern at how weak he was. It couldn’t be her place to soothe him or offer comfort as there were so many people around. She noticed Lee watching them both closely and remembered that he knew of her and Kakashi’s marks, but he didn’t say a word. She hadn’t had a chance yet to let him know that her memories had returned but she could tell he suspected with the way that she was hovering by Gai’s side. She was thankful when Gai delivered an unconscious Kakashi safely to the hospital.

XX

Kakashi awoke slowly with a throbbing head and a dry mouth. His fingers flexed in the grip of a small calloused palm and he opened his eye to see Sakura sleeping in a chair at his bedside. The room was a private one and no nurses or medic-nin were currently in the room with them. For that he was grateful with the picture Sakura made clutching his hand.

“Kakashi! It’s good to see you’re awake!”

Gai’s booming voice made him flinch and he hushed his rival and best friend with a pointed stare at Sakura. Thankfully Sakura reacted to his voice with only a furrowed brow and low murmur and remained asleep. Kakashi knew that he should pull his hand from Sakura’s if he didn’t want Gai to suspect something, but he was still disturbed by the explosion that had almost killed them all. If he hadn’t managed to divert the explosion, then Sakura would be dead. He closed his eyes, reliving the resignation and fear in her eyes as she ran away from the heat of the explosion, knowing that she wouldn’t make it. There’d barely been time to react and he’d almost lost her. There was no time to say goodbye, no time to think. It had been a desperate move and his body bore the consequences. He didn’t mind if Sakura was alive and well beside him. So, he continued to hold her hand and dared Gai to say anything with a glare.

Their friendship had lasted almost two decades, such that they were able to read each other’s moods and expressions and could communicate without words. When Gai’s eyes welled up with tears and he raised his thumb, Kakashi knew that Gai understood who Sakura was to him and did not judge him. There would be a conversation later with explanations involved but right now Gai simply nodded and left the room quietly with tears of joy streaming down his face. Kakashi heard him speaking to others waiting outside the room and sighed in relief as the voices faded away. Soon Sakura would wake up and things would return to the awkward tension but for now he clung to Sakura’s hand and watched over her perfectly content as she slept peacefully by his side.

XX

They finally had their chance to face Sasuke and potentially bring him home. This opportunity couldn’t be passed up but Kakashi was still recovering from overusing his Sharingan. Sakura and Naruto were introduced first to Sai and then Yamato who would accompany them on the mission. Naruto was determined to hate Sai, who he viewed as a poor replacement for Sasuke. Sakura was equally determined to resent Yamato for stepping into Kakashi’s place. But they had their orders and they left as a modified Team Kakashi. Sakura didn’t have the chance to say goodbye to Kakashi with too many people around to witness their exchange. He offered his typical smile and she obliged when he lifted his hand and bent down so he could ruffle her hair. He offered the same gesture to Naruto who obliged with a pleased grin. Then they were leaving, and Sakura had no time to talk to him in private. They made eye contact and she understood that he felt as she did. They communicated with a look and then she was following Naruto towards Sasuke.

_Get better Kakashi._

_Stay safe, Sakura._

Sasuke paid no attention to her, his entire focus was centered on Naruto as his perceived final hurdle in his goal to kill Itachi. Despite her new strength and her promise to Naruto, she proved useless and Yamato was forced to intervene and was injured on her behalf. And after everything, Sasuke was forced to stand down by Orochimaru and they disappeared before their eyes. The mission was a failure but Sakura forced herself to focus only on the positive aspects. Sai and Yamato had both proven to be valuable allies and friends. She’d gained new teammates and they’d survived another encounter with Orochimaru. And despite how bitterly Naruto took their failure, she finally had a clearer perspective on Sasuke. She missed him, but not as he was. She missed the angry boy he’d been, hurting with the loss of his family and determined to grow stronger. She missed the idea of who she thought he would become but she was finally able to understand that she did not truly love Sasuke and she never would. He represented a past dream, but she would never stop fighting for the return of the person she considered a dear friend. Neither would Naruto. In that they were united.

XX

Kakashi was teaching Naruto the move, if successfully pulled off, that would surpass the skills of the Fourth Hokage. Naruto was frustrated and barely making progress but in him Kakashi saw the shadow of his own sensei and rejoiced. He tried to articulate his emotions, much to the mortification of Naruto when they got the news. Asuma Sarutobi was dead, killed by Hidan of the Akatsuki.

If not for Mirai, Kurenai would be inconsolable. The young baby cried for hours and hours after Kurenai felt the pain from Asuma’s death and watched in horror as her mark darkened from crimson to a muddy brown. Team 10 returned as soon as possible, and it was Shikamaru who stood on her step to give Kurenai the news. When she opened the door, the crying of Mirai could be heard further in the apartment and Kurenai’s eyes were red and swollen from crying. Shikamaru understood immediately that she already knew as Kurenai collapsed to her knees at his feet when she saw the pain in his eyes.

“She won’t stop crying, Shikamaru. Mirai, she’s been crying for hours. She won’t eat. I don’t know what to do,” Kurenai whimpered. “Asuma would know what to do. He’s so good with her.” Kurenai started to sob, body heaving in grief as she allowed herself to accept Asuma’s death. Shikamaru moved passed Kurenai into the room where Mirai lay in her crib, her wails weakening with every passing minute. He picked his goddaughter up very carefully and brought her to Kurenai, dropping to his knees with Mirai cradled in his arms.

“She needs you, Kurenai. Right now, Mirai needs her mother.” He held her out and watched as Kurenai gently took Mirai from him and cradled her close. He blinked back tears as Kurenai started to rock Mirai.

“Shhh, Mirai. It will be okay. Mom is here, Mirai. Mom is here.” Mirai slowly quieted, calmed by Kurenai’s soothing tone despite her grief.

They sat there for awhile longer, sitting on the floor with the door wide open. Shikamaru watched over Kurenai as she clutched Mirai to her breast, promising himself then that he would take care of them both, Mirai and Kurenai. He would do it for Asuma, and for himself.

XX

Naruto’s training was incomplete when they were given the news of Asuma’s death at the hands of the Akatsuki. Naruto was frozen with confusion, unable to believe that someone he’d admired was gone. It was different than granny Chiyo or Haku, people he’d grown to like who’d died but chosen death for reasons important to them. It was someone that they’d known for years, and if Team Kakashi had been on that mission, it could easily have been Kakashi in Asuma’s place. Asuma, who had a soulmate and young daughter waiting for him at home.

Sakura was horrified by the news, thinking of Ino, Shikamaru and Choji losing their sensei in such a way. She watched Kakashi with concern as he retreated into himself, growing quieter as he processed the news of his friend’s death. She shed tears and hugged Naruto, but it was Kakashi she watched at the funeral as he stared at Kurenai with a heartbreaking expression. One more person that he lost, and she grieved for him as well as Kurenai, Team 10 and the daughter Asuma would never get to see grow up. 

Sakura went to his apartment that night and found it empty. There was only one place she could expect him to be.

He was kneeling at the cenotaph, fists clenched on his thighs as he stared at the names of the people he’d lost. He could feel Sakura’s presence behind him, body shaking as he suppressed the cries that ached in his throat. He was being selfish. Kurenai had lost her soulmate and Mirai had lost her father. What had he lost in comparison? But he couldn’t help but think of Asuma when he was younger, who’d been so concerned about him that he went to his father with Kurenai and Gai and requested Kakashi be discharged from Anbu. It was not a move that Kakashi had appreciated at the time but showed the depth that Asuma cared for his friends. He thought of how happy Asuma and Kurenai were and the picture of joy Asuma embodied as he held his newborn daughter in his arms with Kurenai beaming beside him. Of all their generation, Asuma had perhaps the most to live for. And he was dead.

“It should have been me,” Kakashi lamented. “I should be the one dead and Asuma should be home with his family.”

“No,” Sakura denied. She understood what Kakashi was saying and she couldn’t imagine the pain Kurenai was suffering but she could not bear to hear Kakashi wish himself in Asuma’s place. “No!” Sakura shouted at him. “There is nothing you can do for Asuma now and I can’t listen to you say that you would prefer to be dead in his place Kakashi. Maybe I’m being selfish and cruel, but I’m so damn happy that you’re alive, even if you’re grieving.”

Kakashi’s eyes squeezed shut at the despair in Sakura’s voice. Maybe he was being self-centered, but he couldn’t stand to see how his thoughtless wish affected Sakura. He stiffened as Sakura’s arms wrapped around his shoulders, her mouth pressing against the back of his neck. “I’m sorry Kakashi. I’m so sorry for your loss and Kurenai’s and Shikamaru’s. I know it hurts. But I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. I can’t do anything for them, but I’m here for you if you need it.”

Kakashi relaxed under her touch as her dampened cheeks pressed into his hair. “I know,” he managed. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry Kakashi. Just stay here. Promise me you’ll stay with me.”

“I can’t promise I won’t die,” Kakashi said with regret. “But I’m yours Sakura, for as long as you need me.”

“Me too, Kakashi. Don’t forget that I’m yours too.”

They ended up at Kakashi’s apartment. They communicated without words, Sakura stripping to a tank top and underwear as Kakashi pulled his shirt with the attached mask over his head and slid into his bed beside her. He was tired and his heart hurt in a way that could not be healed by Sakura’s abilities. Instead of focusing on his grief, he reached out for her and pulled her close. Sakura rested on her side facing him and took in his appearance with sorrow and love. It was the first time she viewed his face without the mask and she drank in the sight of him. He looked worn and despondent, but he was possibly the most beautiful person she’d ever seen. She touched the scar that ran across his eye and cheek, stroking Kakashi’s jaw as he studied her in return. Her fingers grazed his lips softly, sliding down his straight nose and stroking the mole that sat to the bottom left of his mouth. She marveled at the tan line of his mask and the pale skin that hadn’t been touched by the sun in years. She didn’t know why he chose to reveal so much but she would cherish the trust he’d placed in her.

Kakashi revealed himself to Sakura because he was tired of hiding. Hiding his thoughts and feelings and closing himself off from the world whenever anything terrible happened. He didn’t trust easily, and he never would, but he knew that he could trust Sakura with this. He was gratified by the appreciation in Sakura’s eyes, both for his appearance and for letting her in. Sakura wiggled closer on the bed, her hand sliding to the back of his head and pulling his face closer to hers. Kakashi sighed as her lips touched his briefly.

“Sakura, I don’t-”

“It’s okay, Kakashi. I’m not pushing for anything. I just wanted to let you know I’m here.” She kissed him again softly and his lips parted against hers, deepening the kiss in sudden desperation. He just wanted to forget for the moment.

He pushed her to her back and slid over her, tongue pushing into her welcoming mouth. Her thighs parted for him instinctively and he pressed himself against her as he kissed her. When it grew hard to breathe, Kakashi pulled away, staring at Sakura’s flushed cheeks and bright eyes with sudden shame. He understood the psychology. He’d been in more than one mission where a sudden death or near-death heightened the urge to reaffirm life. He’d slept with other Jounin during the aftermath of these missions, but the encounters ultimately meant nothing. He was grateful for the women that shared his bed and they felt the same, but he’d never entered a relationship with them afterwards. It wasn’t about tenderness or affection and both parties understood this. He didn’t want to put Sakura in this position. She wasn’t just a convenient body and he wouldn’t treat her like one.

He twisted off her and fell to his back, fervor cooling as guilt settled in his chest. “I’m sorry Sakura. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“I’m not,” Sakura insisted. “I’m here for you in any way that you need.”

Kakashi turned towards her, smiling at her determination that was so at odds with her tousled hair and flushed cheeks. “Thank you, Sakura for being here for me.” He pulled her close again and rested his chin on top of her head. “Right now, I need to sleep but I would love if you stayed with me tonight.”

Sakura murmured her agreement, relaxing into his embrace. Kakashi thanked whatever or whoever had seen fit to give him someone as generous as Sakura. He fell asleep surrounded by her scent, her touch and the sound of her breathing, thankful for once that he was the one to survive.

XX

Time passed and Sakura and Kakashi skirted the issue of their soulmarks. Sakura did not sleep at Kakashi’s again in the months following but he knew that she was there for him if he needed her. And Sakura understood that he wasn’t pushing her away by not acknowledging the steps they’d taken in their relationship, he was just waiting for her to grow up. They’d already crossed so many boundaries, but it felt like as long as they didn’t say the words aloud or move towards a more intimate relationship then they already had, then everything would work out in the end. It was perhaps naïve and foolish on their part, but no one close to them gave any indication they suspected the nature of their relationship. Yamato was too concerned about Naruto’s control over the Nine-tailed fox, Sai was too literal in his interpretations of the books he was reading on human nature and Naruto remained as oblivious as ever to everything and everyone around him unless it had to do with Sasuke or his training.

Sakura broke the news about Naruto’s soulmark to Hinata one afternoon while they were hanging out at Sakura’s apartment. They’d both been very busy with missions with the threat of the Akatsuki looming over them and rarely had the chance to speak. Hinata confirmed that she and Lee had both suspected that Sakura had her memories returned to her. Sakura explained the incident with Tsunade and how she’d come to deal with Kakashi’s manipulation. Hinata wasn’t on Kakashi’s side but she made it clear that from her perspective, Kakashi was only doing what he thought was best for her and wasn’t trying to be selfish. Hinata also revealed that Lee had found his soulmate when Naruto invited him to Ichiraku. He’d been struck immediately by Ayame’s beauty and when she’d handed him his bowl of ramen with a shy smile, the rest was history. It explained why Lee had been oddly absent in her training sessions with Hinata, but Sakura was happy for him.

“I wonder what Gai-sensei thinks of that?” Sakura mused. “Ayame is older than Lee by a few years. How are Lee and Ayame handling it?” Sakura asked Hinata. “Lee is only sixteen and Ayame will be twenty soon.”

Hinata grinned. “It’s caused quite the scandal. Ayame has announced to her father that she will marry Lee the day he turns seventeen. They already have Gai-sensei’s blessing. Teuchi-sama almost had a heart attack and shut down Ichiraku for a whole day while he recuperated from the shock.”

“That’s why Naruto was in such a foul mood a couple weeks ago!” Sakura announced. “He mentioned Ichiraku had closed and complained all day that he was starving.”

Hinata’s cheeks pinked at the mention of Naruto and her hands twisted in her lap nervously. “How is Naruto, Sakura? I haven’t seen much of him around the village since he returned. Team Kakashi seems to always be on a mission.”

Sakura frowned, filled with guilt at Hinata’s wistful expression. “Hinata, I’m so sorry! I promised Naruto I would invite you for ramen with us but with Asuma’s death and the Akatsuki there never seemed to be the right time.”

“It’s okay, Sakura! Please don’t feel guilty on my behalf! I know you and Naruto have more important things to deal with.” Hinata tried to placate Sakura but her self-deprecation only made Sakura feel guiltier.

“Hinata, there’s something I should have told you already.”

“What is it Sakura?” Hinata asked nervously at Sakura’s serious expression.

“Naruto showed me his soulmark when he got back from his training with Jiraiya.”

Hinata’s expression fell at Sakura’s apologetic expression. “It’s okay Sakura. I understand. I shouldn’t have got my hopes up. There was no chance that someone as amazing as Naruto would have the same soulmark as me.”

“What? That’s not what I was trying to say at all!” Sakura hurried to say. “Naruto’s mark matches yours! I’m just sorry it took so long to tell you.”

Sakura watched as Hinata’s expression went through a multitude of expressions from disbelief, joy, fear, sorrow and back to disbelief. “Naruto’s mark matches mine?” Hinata whispered.

“Yes,” Sakura confirmed with a huge grin. “Naruto is your soulmate.” Hinata blinked once and then fainted, crumpling gracefully to the floor. Sakura shook her head in exasperation. “I really should have expected that.”

When Hinata woke up she begged Sakura not to tell Naruto about their soulmarks. “Why?” Sakura whined. “You could go tell him right now and be dating by the end of the day! Isn’t that what you want?”

“Yes,” Hinata confirmed with a shy smile. “I would be beyond happy to date Naruto, but I don’t want him to feel obligated to be with me just because we’re soulmates. I want him to like me for me. Is that too much to ask?”

Sakura frowned in consideration. “I guess that makes sense but you two are soulmates. You belong together!”

“Sakura,” Hinata hesitated. “I don’t mean to offend you, but have you ever felt that you and Kakashi-sensei wouldn’t be together if you weren’t soulmates? Do you think you’d still like Sasuke if you didn’t know about Kakashi-sensei?”

Sakura’s face drained of color as she thought of the possibilities and consequences. Would Kakashi be with someone else if she wasn’t his soulmate? Was he involved with anyone when he’d found out? What if he’d dated someone in the two years before she’d implied he’d been jealous of her date with Lee? Did he still want to date someone else while he waited for her? What if he met someone else who was better than her and more age-appropriate? “Hinata,” her voice wavered. “you’re right. What if I’m holding Kakashi back? He said he would wait for me, but is that really fair?”

“Oh no!” Hinata cried with dismay. “I didn’t mean it like that! Kakashi-sensei loves you, I know it! You should have seen him when he used his Sharingan on you. He was so sad at the thought of rejecting you and said he was waiting for you to grow up, Sakura.”

“He shouldn’t have to wait for me to grow up,” Sakura said bitterly. “He should have a soulmate his age that can support him and love him openly because I can’t.”

“You’re sixteen, Sakura. One more year until you’re an adult. Then you and Kakashi can be together without consequences. That’s not that long,” Hinata offered tentatively.

“But will anyone really be able to accept us? What will Shishou think? And my parents? What if Naruto hates us?” Sakura clenched her fists and wiped away a tear in dejection.

“What if they don’t like it?” Hinata said with a sudden ferocity. “Will you give Kakashi up? Will you reject him?”

“Of course not!” Sakura scoffed. She’d waited this long and there was no chance that she was walking away from him. “But what if Kakashi realizes how this will make him look? What if someone convinces him that I’m not worth it?” Sakura’s lips quivered as she brought up fears she’d hidden deep down, even from herself. Despite Kakashi’s reassurances she couldn’t help but be afraid that she wouldn’t be enough.

Hinata put a hand on Sakura’s shoulder, squeezing gently. “I know it’s hard Sakura, but I believe with all my heart that Kakashi-sensei loves you more than anything and he wouldn’t walk away from you. Don’t you trust him?”

“Of course, I do,” Sakura whispered. She thought of Kakashi revealing his face and his grief and exhaustion to her without hesitation. He trusted her enough to bare everything to her in a vulnerable moment, and she could only offer the same in return. “You’re right Hinata. I did have those kinds of thoughts and I still do. But I don’t think Kakashi would hurt me intentionally and I do trust him.”

“Good,” Hinata said with a relieved sigh. “I’m sorry for suggesting that Kakashi-sensei didn’t want you as a soulmate. I just wanted you to understand how I feel about Naruto. I would have loved him even if he wasn’t my soulmate. But I don’t know if he could ever feel the same way. He’s never given an indication that he cares for anyone except you.” Hinata said sadly.

“Hinata, Naruto is like a brother to me. And I think he feels the same way about me. We’re past that now.”

“Maybe,” Hinata assented “but that doesn’t mean that Naruto sees me as more than a friend. We hardly interact, and I can’t even look him in the eye when we do talk. Maybe it’s not meant to be.”

“It will work out,” Sakura said with conviction. “I know I’m getting frustrated about this situation with Kakashi, but you and Naruto are still young. You have years to work things out. At this point I don’t think anyone could really hurt Naruto. He always seems to come out stronger than he was before. Kakashi on the other hand,” Sakura sighed thinking of the dozens of close-calls Kakashi had. “He takes too many risks. I’m just glad that I can heal him now.”

“You make it seem like you’re so much older than us,” Hinata teased, trying to lighten the mood. “Should I start calling you Granny Sakura?”

“Shut up,” Sakura grumbled. “Kakashi’s made me age twice as fast as you two. When I’m his age I’ll look like I’m fifty.”

Hinata giggled and Sakura burst into laughter at her own dramatics.

XX

Sakura kept her word and didn’t let Naruto know about Hinata’s matching soulmark. And once again, regrettably there was very little time for Sakura to arrange a date between Naruto and Hinata. After they discovered that Sasuke had killed both Orochimaru and Itachi, time moved too quickly and Konoha was hard pressed to keep up.

It was Kakashi and Sakura that stood beside Naruto when he was informed of Jiraiya’s death at the hands of the Akatsuki’s leader Pein. Sakura defended Tsunade against the accusations Naruto made against her, blaming her for sending Jiraiya to his death. Sakura went later to Tsunade to beg forgiveness for Naruto’s thoughtless words. She knew he was grieving and felt he needed space before she confronted him. When she found her Shishou, Tsunade was drunk.

“Ah, Sakura! Did you come to apologize for Naruto?” she hiccupped and glared accusingly at the bottle of sake she held in her fist. “There’s no need. He’s right.”

“Shishou,” Sakura protested. “He didn’t mean it.”

Tsunade waved away her protest and tried to laugh it off, but it ended up being somewhere between a gasp and sob as she remembered her last conversation with Jiraiya. “I didn’t think I could love anyone after my soulmate Dan died.” She admitted morosely. “I didn’t _want_ to love anyone else. Once was enough. But sometimes your own heart betrays you.” Tsunade threw her sake bottle in a sudden fit of rage. “And Jiraiya of all people! That perverted no-good, idiot, foolish man! How can he do this to me? I asked him to come back, Sakura. And he promised me he would _. He promised_.” Tsunade dissolved into tears, Sakura glimpsing her true age for the first time as Tsunade forgot everything in her grief. Sakura was frozen on the spot, unsure how to comfort her Shishou. She moved towards her with an extended hand when Tsunade suddenly looked up and pinned her in place with a fierce gaze. “Promise me one thing Sakura.”

Sakura swallowed hard but nodded. “Anything Shishou.”

“Promise me, when you meet your soulmate, don’t hesitate. Even if you fall in love with someone who isn’t your soulmate, _don’t hesitate_. Life is too short not to grab every moment of happiness you can, especially for a shinobi. Trust me, Sakura. I’ve loved two men in my life. One was my soulmate and died too soon. The other was my perverted teammate and I realized too late that I loved him in return. I missed my chance Sakura.” Tsunade reached for her hand and gripped it painfully. “Promise me you won’t Sakura.”

“I promise Shishou.” Sakura met her desperate gaze with a determined one of her own. “I won’t let Kakashi go, no matter what.”

“Good,” Tsunade murmured, not comprehending anything Sakura said past her promise. Tsunade’s shoulders slouched in sudden exhaustion. “That’s good, Sakura.”

Shizune came into the room and sighed at what she saw. “Oh, Lady Tsunade.” She grabbed Tsunade’s arm and pulled it over her shoulder, ready to take her to her room.

“You too Shizune!” Tsunade yelled. “Promise me that you will go to see Genma Shiranui and sort out this mix up!”

Shizune’s eyes rounded and her mouth opened in shock at Tsunade’s proclamation. “Lady Tsunade! I told you about Genma in confidence!”

Sakura watched Shizune drag Tsunade out with a melancholy expression. She had no idea that Tsunade had loved Jiraiya. Naruto had once confessed that Jiraiya was besotted with Tsunade, even basing one of his main characters off her, but she had no idea that he’d loved her as well. Despite her loyalty to Konoha, Sakura wondered at the price shinobi paid to serve. Too many of them grew up twisted and worn down and unable to seize their own happiness because of past hang-ups. Kakashi was only another example. If Tsunade’s words were true, it seemed that Asuma, Kurenai and possibly Gai were the only ones to make it to adulthood relatively unscathed or at least gave the appearance of being semi-well adjusted. As much as Sakura admired Shizune, she wasn’t willing to play matchmaker. She had a hard-enough time trying to sort out Hinata and Naruto, without much success.

XX

Kakashi and Sakura were separated during Pein’s assault, Sakura to help at the hospital with the many injured, and Kakashi to face off with one of the paths. Sakura worried about Kakashi, but she trusted in his abilities and hoped that Naruto would arrive soon to ease his burden. She focused on healing the dozens upon dozens of injured shinobi and civilians that arrived at the hospital and ignored the tight knot of fear that had started to gather in her chest.

War was nothing less than cruel and merciless in Kakashi’s opinion. He knew there were shinobi dying around him, but he could not save them all and he couldn’t focus on saving them when he was hard-pressed to complete his own mission. To find that there were six paths was almost more than the village could handle as everything they loved was destroyed around them. Kakashi was backed by Choza and his team, as well as Choji, Asuma’s old student. They beat the Asura path but were quickly overwhelmed by the Deva path. Kakashi understood that this would be a fight to the death. And he wasn’t sure what side he would end up on. Choza’s entire team fell, until there was only Kakashi trapped in the rubble and too weak to break free. Choji lived and it was the only hope Kakashi had to warn Tsunade and possibly save the remaining village from Pein.

“Run Choji!” he implored _. Run and live. It was what Asuma would have wanted._

As the missile fired by the Asura path chased Choji, Kakashi used the last of his chakra to warp away the missile with Kamui. He could immediately feel his chakra paths shutting down and he knew that he’d gone too far and could go no farther.

“I’m sorry Sakura.” Kakashi’s head fell forward, his eyes shutting to the sight of Sakura’s smiling face and he knew no more.

XX

His father was just as he remembered, with a broader face and deeper laugh lines than Kakashi. They were said to resemble each other, and they did with their silver hair and dark eyes, but Minato often said that Kakashi resembled his mother even more. His mother had dark hair and grey eyes and could be considered plain at first glance but Sakumo told Kakashi that first appearances were always deceiving, and his mother was the most beautiful woman he’d ever met. Her skin was fair and clear, her nose delicate and straight. Her lips were full and often quirked into a crooked smile that matched Kakashi’s own. When Sakumo used to stare at Kakashi with tenderness, he knew that his father saw his mother in his face.

“I miss your mother still, Kakashi,” the ghost of his father told him with regret. “Sometimes I forget what she looks like, waiting here. You’ve helped me remember.”

“I’m sorry for hating you for so long, Father.”

“I never blamed you for that,” Sakumo reassured him. “You took my death so hard, after all.”

“I understand why you chose to save your comrades,” Kakashi whispered. “And I think it was the right decision. I’m proud of you for it.”

Sakumo’s eyes widened in disbelief and he smiled sadly. “But can you forgive me for it and for everything else?”

“I have,” Kakashi promised. “I thought I wouldn’t be able to, but recently I realized that you did your best and I had to let go of my resentment.”

“But you’re still here,” Sakumo said unhappily. Here being a place of regrets and unfulfilled dreams.

“Yes,” Kakashi agreed thinking of Sakura. He’d promised to be there for her and now she was alone. Sixteen years old and he wouldn’t be able to save her from this heartbreak. Not this time. “I made a promise and I won’t be able to keep it now.”

Sakumo’s took in his son’s broken expression mournfully. “I had hoped that you would have a soulmate, so you could have someone to look after you.” Sakumo said. “But this must be hard for them. You’re too young.”

“Her name is Sakura,” Kakashi laughed bitterly at the irony of his father’s words. “She’s sixteen.”

“I see.” Sakumo said. “Despite not being there to watch you grow up, I know what’s going on in that head of yours Kakashi. Does she know you’re her soulmate?”

“Yes,” Kakashi confirmed. “And we we’re going to wait until she was older for a relationship. But I’m not a good man. Sometimes I couldn’t wait. I know what her lips taste like, I know what it feels like to hold her as she sleeps in my bed. I don’t think I could have stood by if she chose someone over me, no matter how much I told myself I would step back.” Kakashi laughed shakily. “I want her to be happy, but I want her to be happy _with me_.”

Sakumo nodded knowingly. “It’s the nature of the marks and the bonds that are formed with them. Fate has dealt you a cruel blow son but you’re not a bad person for wanting your soulmate.”

Kakashi rejected his father’s words with a shake of his head. “She was twelve years old when I met her and my student. I could barely wait until she was fifteen before I kissed her. It wears on me every day that she’s there and I must hide what she means to me. When she’s hurt, when she’s crying, it can’t be my place to step into that role and comfort her.”

Sakumo sighed at his son’s turmoil. “I’m sorry, Kakashi. It seems that you and I will be stuck here for a while.” Perhaps until his soulmate died and could absolve him of his sins as Sakumo could not.

“If only I’d had a few more years,” Kakashi wished selfishly.

“And one day you will come to terms with that,” Sakumo assured him. “You have all the time in the world in this place, and I won’t leave you alone as I was.” Even if his regrets had been assuaged by his son, he couldn’t bear to leave him in this place alone.

“Thank you, Father, for everything but you don’t need to stay with me. Mother has waited long enough for you.”

“Kakashi, my son.” Sakumo reached over and stroked his hair affectionately. “I’m so proud of the man you’ve become, and I’m sure that Sakura is too.”

They fell into a comfortable silence, and Kakashi contemplated the battle with Pein. He hoped Naruto had arrived and that Sakura was safe. She deserved to live a long life and he hoped she did. It seemed like only moments passed, and as Kakashi was resigning himself to spending an eternity alone, no matter what his father said, he felt a strange tug on his body. He heard his father’s gasp and frowned in confusion as he was bathed in a green light and lifted into the air while his father remained seated.

“What’s happening?”

Sakumo smiled in delight, “It seems like its not your time. Say hello to Sakura for me.”

Kakashi’s eyes met his and he felt sorrow at losing his father again so soon. “Father.”

“Thank you for forgiving me Kakashi. Now I can move on in peace.”

Kakashi’s eyes closed against the sudden pain that enveloped him, his father’s voice following back into the dark. “I’ll finally be able to see your mother.”

_I’m coming Sakura._

XX

Despite Sakura’s best efforts, people were dying around her and she wasn’t saving enough of them. Everything was in chaos and she had no idea where Shizune, Kakashi or anyone else was. Lady Katsuya enveloped her just as the town seemed to collapse and be swept away around her, until nothing of the village remained standing.

It was in the middle of this that a sharp pain lanced in her back and Sakura fell to her knees in shock. She cried out as her heart seemed to stop for a moment, her breath catching at the searing pain. _Kakashi!_ She could feel her back pulsing and she thought of Kurenai-sensei’s mark changing after Asuma-sensei’s death. Despair threatened to overwhelm her, her eyes squeezing shut to contain the tears that had started to fall. It couldn’t be. He wouldn’t leave her now. For a moment the world went black, her vision darkening and her throat tightening against the sobs that tried to escape her lips.

“Naruto…hurry!” A cry was ripped from Sakura’s throat as she thought of Kakashi’s lifeless body somewhere in this rubble. “ _Please, Naruto_!” _Please bring him back_.

It was then that he appeared as if in answer to her pleas, riding on the shoulder of Gamabunta in his sage robes, deep in the crater that was once Konoha. Sakura felt her heart fill with hope despite the blinding pain. Naruto was here, and only he could save them.

XX

Hinata had never considered herself brave or strong. Yet she’d been watching Naruto from a young age, inspired by the confidence and determination he held onto so tightly despite everyone treating him like he was worthless. She’d looked at the boy he was and knew that above everything, she wanted to be like him. But she’d been a coward, too afraid to go against her clan’s wishes and befriend Naruto. Too afraid to upset her father further when she should have taken Naruto’s hand from the first moment and clung on tight no matter who tried to pull them apart.

It still amazed Hinata that someone as strong and brave and so very worthy as Naruto could be her soulmate. She did not deserve to stand beside him yet, and perhaps she never would, but she would continue chasing him, honing her abilities and training until she’d attained the respect of her family and would finally be noticed by Naruto. His eyes were focused on Sakura, his heart set on a woman who could not love him, but Hinata was determined to show him that she would love him more and she would never be ashamed of him. It was her hope that Naruto would finally see her and realize that he could care for her. She could not hope to gain his heart, as he seemed to give a piece of it to every friend he made, supporting them when they needed him most. She hoped that she could gain his affection at the very least and maybe one day he would look at her and realize that she could make him happy and give him the family he’d always yearned for.

In his battle with Pein, Hinata watched Naruto as she always had, worried for his safety even as she admired how strong he’d become in his absence. He was always getting stronger, always achieving some new level of ability every time Hinata saw him. For awhile it seemed that he had the upper hand with so many standing beside him and supporting him. But slowly the battle took a turn for the worse and Naruto was weakening under Pein’s constant onslaught. Hinata watched in fear as Naruto was struck down and pinned in place cruelly. His pain was her own, and she clenched her fists as each blade was driven into his body to hold him in place. She couldn’t let this happen to him. She wasn’t ready, could never be ready to face someone as strong as Pein, but she couldn’t watch Naruto be defeated. She was jumping to defend him before anyone realized what was happening.

XX

Naruto was tired. Training, he was _always_ training and there always seemed to be someone new that was trying to destroy Konoha and everyone he held dear. This time they’d succeeded in leveling the village and stealing one of his most precious people, Kakashi-sensei. He wanted to grieve, to cry for the man that had taught him so much and cared for him so deeply. But he had to focus on Pein and the fight for the surviving citizens of Konoha. Despite what he needed to do, he couldn’t help remembering Kakashi ruffling his hair and smiling at him with his familiar eye-crease. His sensei was dead, and it felt like too much after the death of Jiraiya as well. Slowly the people he considered family were being ripped from him and he was helpless to stop it.

When Pein finally had him pinned to the ground, taunting him for his dream of peace that Jiraiya had passed on to him, Naruto was close to giving up. Wasn’t Pein right? The harder he worked for peace, the more people seemed to oppose him, the more the people he surrounded himself with died. Could Pein really be the answer? As Pein moved to strike him down and complete his vision of peace, Naruto felt the sudden presence of Hinata as she intercepted Pein.

He watched with dismay as she was thrown around like a ragdoll, not able to do anything against Pein’s power. Anger built in his chest every time Hinata hit the ground. He begged her to leave but she wouldn’t listen and he despaired as she repeated his own Nindo to him, determined despite the blood that trickled from her mouth, despite the shaking of her limbs and the visible pain etched in the determined grimace on her face. He’d always considered Hinata weird, but in that moment he realized she was beautiful and strong in her own way. His soulmark seemed to burn with every hit Hinata took and Naruto felt his anger threatening his control on the Nine-tails as Pein threw Hinata away from him again and again. Naruto’s eyes met hers for a final time, and she managed a smile just for him before she was thrown for the last time. Naruto watched with horror as Pein impaled Hinata with one of his blades. The burn of his mark seemed to spread throughout his entire body, and his vision went red as Hinata gasped and fell still.

“Hinata!”

_I love you Naruto._

XX

Naruto’s fight with Pein seemed to last an eternity to Sakura, but she focused on finding Hinata who’d run off so recklessly and healing her. Tears fell from her cheeks when she finally found her friend’s prone body. Had she lost another friend? She dropped to her knees and searched for Hinata’s pulse, sighing with relief. It was weak, but it was there.

“Oh Hinata. What were you thinking?” she chided her as she worked on healing her. “I know you love Naruto but to go this far?” Her voice quieted as she considered it. Wouldn’t she do the same for Kakashi? If there had been any chance to save him, wouldn’t she have jumped in just as recklessly? Sakura sighed and hoped for the best for Naruto and Hinata.

It was only when Fukasaku’s eyes shot open and he gasped that Sakura realized that Naruto had succeeded in his fight against Pein. She focused on healing those around her and ignored the rejoicing and hugging that surrounded her. She couldn’t get her hopes up. Not when her heart still ached, and fear was still sitting heavily on her shoulders.

XX

Kakashi wanted to find Sakura the moment he awoke. He comforted a crying Choji and stood weakly to his feet. He took off as soon as his legs could hold his weight. The urge to run straight to Sakura was overwhelming but he caught Naruto’s scent in the wind and switched directions.

He came across Naruto just in time as he fell forwards with exhaustion, catching him against his back. “Rest Naruto. You deserve it.” Kakashi insisted, hauling Naruto onto his back as if he was a child.

“Kakashi-sensei,” Naruto cried weakly, “I’m so happy you’re alive.”

Kakashi soothed him with soft croons as Naruto buried his face in Kakashi’s shoulder and cried. “It’s okay Naruto. Everyone is okay. You did good.”

Kakashi carried Naruto towards their decimated village, voices growing louder as they walked. They cleared the trees and the sight of hundreds of people greeted them. Kakashi’s eyes focused on Sakura’s tear-stained face, heart aching at her swollen eyes. He set Naruto down carefully and watched with pride as the village cheered for the Hero of Konoha. He could tell that Naruto didn’t know how to deal with the sudden and overwhelming admiration of the villagers and shinobi but Sakura had gained his full attention as she ran towards them. Naruto’s eyes brightened as he spotted her and then widened in surprise as she surpassed him entirely and threw herself into Kakashi’s arms. Kakashi fell backwards, using his chakra to slow his momentum as he fell on his ass.

“Kakashi,” Sakura wept against his neck as her arms wrapped around his neck. “You came back.”

Kakashi wrapped one arm around Sakura’s waist and stroked her hair with his free hand, clutching her to him just as desperately. “Of course, I did.” He pressed a kiss to the side of her head and breathed her in. He thought he’d never get to do this again and he didn’t care what anyone thought.

Her face pressed into curve of his neck, tears seeping into the fabric of his mask as she cried in delayed grief and aching relief that he was alive. He didn’t know how long they sat there, Sakura’s face hidden against his shoulder as she sobbed, and his lips pressed to her hair as he murmured words of reassurance only she could hear. The only word she could offer in return was his name repeated until her cries quieted.

It wasn’t until she fell silent that Kakashi took notice of their position. He was sitting on the ground, legs stretched in front of his and an arm banded around her back. She was sitting with her knees splayed to either side of his hips, fingers buried in his hair. His lips were still pressed into her hair, her own mouth pressed against his neck with parted lips, her breath dampening his mask as well as her tears. 

Naruto pulled away from the villagers and approached them hesitantly, confused at the picture they made.

“Oi, what are you doing to Sakura, Kakashi-sensei?” Naruto demanded.

Sakura’s face heated and her arms dropped from around Kakashi. Kakashi helped her to her feet and stood up stiffly as well, greeting Naruto as if he and Sakura hadn’t just been clinging to each other.

“Ah, Naruto. I want to thank you for reviving me,” Kakashi said with a bow of his head. “Death was not an experience I was ready for it seems.” At Sakura’s stifled gasp of grief Kakashi wrapped his arm around her shoulder on the pretense that he needed support. Sakura caught on quickly and urged him to lean on her.

Naruto squinted suspiciously between the two of them but his joy at successfully beating Pein and reviving Kakashi overwhelmed his momentary suspicion. He hugged Kakashi awkwardly, wrapping his arm around Sakura’s.

“I’m glad you’re okay Kakashi-sensei.”

The three of them stood there together, wrapped around each other and taking comfort quietly. Naruto figured he understood why Sakura was in Kakashi’s arms. He’d died and it must have been just as hard for her as it had been for Naruto. They were family and it felt nice to be with his family.

XX

Hinata watched Naruto hugging Sakura and Kakashi with a sad smile. She’d seen Sakura jump into Kakashi’s arms but everyone else was occupied with Naruto’s return and the fallen shinobi. It wasn’t particularly damning as Naruto eventually made his way to them and joined their huddle, but Hinata was happy for them. She stared at Naruto wistfully. Despite everything she’d said, it seemed like Naruto hadn’t processed a single word. He’d greeted her with a happy smile and a warm hug, pleased to see her alive and well but he’d made no mention of her declaration of love for him. His attention was easily captured by someone else and Hinata faded in the background as she always did, watching Naruto’s success with pride and joy at every accomplishment but always a step behind.

Hinata watched the joyful reunions that surrounded her, smiling as Shizune was picked up by Genma and swung around. She averted her eyes politely as Genma pulled her in for a passionate kiss. Ayame burst to the front of the crowd, her eyes wild as she searched for Lee. Lee was quick to spot her and rushed to her side, pulling her close in an exuberant embrace. Hinata’s eyes widened in disbelief as Tenten seemed to notice the amount of people kissing around her and turned to Neji who was standing contentedly by her side and yanked his head down for a kiss. Hinata giggled as Neji’s face reddened but he made no objection to the kiss.

Her eyes returned with longing to Naruto who was talking animatedly with Sakura and Kakashi-sensei. What was it that Kakashi-sensei said to her about Sakura? She smiled as it came to her. As long as Naruto was happy, Hinata could never be sad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I covered quite a bit in this chapter so I hope the pace wasn't too forced for anyone, especially the second half of the chapter. The next chapter will hopefully be the last.


	6. Prelude to the End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I'm back!!!!
> 
> I apologize for the long wait. Unfortunately, I have some bad news, as well as an update! This story has become much longer than anticipated and this will sadly not be the last chapter. I know waiting sucks but I hope you enjoy this chapter in the meantime!
> 
> Be warned, for some reason this story wants to be filled with angst. I really tried to tie it up in this chapter but that just wasn't a possibility.

After dying and meeting his father again, Kakashi had been thinking heavily of what he wanted in life. Sakura was number one on that list and he’d confidently told Gai that, only to be shaken by Gai’s mild censure.

“She is your soulmate,” Gai agreed. “And she’s an adult. But that doesn’t mean you need to rush into things Kakashi.”

“Rush into things?” Kakashi had questioned with a disbelieving laugh. “I’ve been waiting for this moment for five years.”

“And so has she,” Gai commented. “But Sakura’s still young. How can she be sure of what she truly wants?” he questioned sadly. “All she’s known is that she belongs to you, and you’ve spent years reinforcing that idea in her head.”

“No,” Kakashi denied. “I’ve told you, Gai. I’ve tried to stay away. I’ve tried to let her live her own life. It’s not what either of us wants. _It hurts_.”

“And it should,” Gai said severely. “You’ve always had the most self-control of any shinobi I’ve met, until now.” He sighed at Kakashi’s confusion. “Have I ever told you that I have a soulmark? I couldn’t believe when it appeared” Gai told Kakashi, knowing full well that he hadn’t. “She’s as young as Sakura. I didn’t realize as early as you did.” Gai acknowledged. “How could I? She was a child and Lee needed my support more than the other two. Neji was moving ahead in strides, and Tenten was so determined to make it on her own.”

“Tenten?” Kakashi questioned, surprised.

“She doesn’t know.” Gai said grimly. “And I don’t know if she’ll ever realize. We’ve never had that kind of relationship and,” he gestured at his full-length leotard with self-effacement.  “I never had the mysterious appeal that you have. She and Neji are dating and they have been since Pein. Neji has no soulmark, as most of the Hyuga don’t and Tenten doesn’t care to find the person that matches hers, namely me. And I’m happy about that,” Gai asserted. “She’s so very youthful and she doesn’t need to be held back by her old sensei.”

“I tried to tell Sakura that,” Kakashi protested weakly.

“I know,” Gai comforted him. “I watched you struggle with this for years and I didn’t understand what created such turmoil. It was the night Asuma and I had to carry you home?” He’d never before intoxicated himself to the point that he was incapable of finding his way home or even standing on his own feet.

“How did you-?”

“You cried,” Gai admitted. “And you kept asking your father and mother what to do. We were worried, but you never mentioned what was wrong and we respected your privacy.” Gai frowned. “What I don’t understand is why you didn’t ask The Third to take Sakura from your team, or Tsunade later? Maybe at first it was understandable, but after your feelings for Sakura changed?” Gai shook his head.

“I should have,” Kakashi admitted. “I lied to myself, told myself that The Third would completely take the team away. And I didn’t want to lose the chance I had to get to know Minato’s son, and to try and help Itachi’s brother. But more than that, I was curious about Sakura, and from the first moment I felt the connection that my father spoke of so long ago, the need to protect what was mine. And how could I protect her when she was on another team and her safety was out of my control? And then it got easier because Tsunade was training her and I saw her less and less. Even after Team Kakashi was formed, I was often on separate missions after Asuma’s death. I convinced myself it no longer mattered.”

“I’m not saying never Kakashi,” Gai said in an uncharacteristically soft voice. “But how can she make a decision this permanent when she has no other choices? Even if returning to you is an eventuality, she needs to realize that you’re not the only man in Konoha. To discover what she wants from a relationship beyond what you need. She’s too malleable, too kind-hearted not to give you everything of herself. And that’s dangerous for her. I’m not saying you would hurt her intentionally Kakashi. But your list of relationships that have lasted beyond a night is empty. You’ve always run from any intimacy, Kakashi. I hardly know you, and I’m your best friend.”

 _Sakura knows me_ , he wanted to say but that was hardly the point. “I thought you were okay with this?” Kakashi questioned bitterly, referring to when Gai found Sakura sleeping in his hospital room.

Gai’s expression clouded with guilt. “I thought I was. You looked so at ease, Kakashi. After so many years of you shouldering the burden of your past, you looked the closest to serene as I’d ever seen you. I was happy for you and I still am. You are my best friend,” Gai said firmly. “But I care for Sakura as well. And it is our duty to ensure our students live to become capable shinobi. It is our duty to shape them so that we can let them go when they are grown. I don’t know the details of your relationship, but our life will never be easy. And I don’t want Sakura’s life to be any more difficult than it already is.”

Kakashi nodded in agreement. It was as he’d feared. He was too broken, too jaded for Sakura. He trusted Gai’s assessment more than anyone else’s. It completely crushed the optimism he’d begun to feel about the reactions of their teammates and Tsunade when she eventually awoke. But how could he explain it to Sakura without making it seem like he was completely rejecting her? How could he make her understand that she needed to focus on more than him? He dreaded the conversation they needed to have and put it off for as long as possible.

XX

Tsunade was in a coma and the village was left in turmoil despite Naruto saving Konoha. The people of Konoha were looking for leadership and Naruto was not ready despite earning Konoha’s respect. Sakura turned seventeen right in the middle of the clean-up of the town. Her parents baked her a cake the week before but the day of was filled with helping repair and rebuild what they could. She worked closely with Kakashi and Naruto, always making sure to keep Kakashi within her sight. The feeling of his loss was still fresh and lingered in her nightmares. She often woke up crying his name as she witnessed his death and Naruto wasn’t there to bring him back. She never woke right away, always forced to go on seemingly for days without him. The desolation she felt in these dreams threatened to swallow her whole. And despite what she felt and how desperately she needed Kakashi’s presence, he was keeping himself at a distance and it confused her.

She understood that he might be reticent about revealing their connection, but she couldn’t comprehend why he seemed determined to push her away. There wasn’t time to rejoice that she was now considered an adult and stood to be promoted to Jounin. And even if Kakashi and she were on the same page, it didn’t seem like the best time to announce to the village that she and Kakashi would be together. It seemed disrespectful when she considered what had happened to Konoha and Tsunade. And maybe Kakashi felt the same, but he was remaining silent on the issue, keeping their conversations light or speaking only of missions. Danzo had himself declared the Hokage in a coup that surprised no one but troubled Team Kakashi as he instantly declared Sasuke a traitor to Konoha. She got it, they had more important issues to concern themselves with then their soulmarks but his sudden indifference hurt her. She felt he didn’t trust her when he refused to explain why he was treating her as he had when they were the original Team 7.

Even Naruto was noticing the change, scratching his head in confusion as Sakura was left staring after Kakashi with sad eyes multiple times as their sensei poofed away.

“What’s Kakashi-sensei’s problem, Sakura?” He glared at the spot that Kakashi had stood a second before. “Did you two have a fight or something?”

“Or something,” Sakura murmured with a weak smile. “It’s nothing Naruto. We’re just stressed with Danzo in charge and you know how Kakashi is.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Naruto agreed uncertainly.

Sakura said her goodbyes and promised to see Naruto the next day for their next mission. Naruto watched her disappear into the crowd with a frown. It wasn’t until later that he realized that Sakura had dropped the honorific at the end of Kakashi’s name.

XX

Hinata was very busy. She was going to be 17 soon and that meant a multitude of additional responsibilities as the Hyuga heiress. After her reckless display with Naruto, her father had reprimanded her severely for risking her life so recklessly. Naruto had won his respect, but his daughter’s actions could not be praised in light of how close to death she’d come. He did not tell her he was proud of her, but after he’d finished admonishing her, Hiashi rested his hand on Hinata’s shoulder and told her that her training as heiress would commence immediately.

“We need someone strong to lead the Hyuga.” Hiashi stated solemnly.

“But Hanabi?” Hinata worried.

“Has made it clear she has no desire to lead the Hyuga clan and insists that you are the heir.” Hiashi didn’t seem disgruntled at the news, merely shaking his head at Hanabi’s stubborn nature. “The elders have no objection,” Hiashi hesitated but nodded once, “And neither do I. The details of the line of succession have never been discussed beyond the walls of our compound. As far as the rest of Konoha is concerned, you have always remained the heir. And I ensured that no one disabused them of that belief.”

“Father,” Hinata blinked back tears, straightening her posture and meeting her father’s eyes with an unyielding expression. “I won’t let you down.”

Hiashi’s expression softened at Hinata’s determination. He squeezed her shoulder gently. “I have no doubt, Hinata.”

As soon as her father left the room, Hinata collapsed to her knees, hands shaking as she considered what this meant. As heir to the clan head, there were certain expectations of her. She’d thought that the distinction had been passed onto Hanabi’s shoulders and it had been a relief as much as it had disgraced her to be overlooked in favor of her younger sister. She’d been raised from infancy to understand her responsibilities and her father tried to shape her to be strong, but the training hadn’t stuck as her father had wanted. Hinata had been too soft, too weak to lead their clan. And she’d accepted that fact at 12 years old when 7-year-old Hanabi had defeated her. It had hurt to see her father’s disapproval and his disappointment. She would have given anything to be more than she was, to be faster, stronger and simply better in every way. And now her father had given her the second chance she’d never expected and it filled her with equal parts joy and sorrow. The Hyuga clan didn’t put much stock in soulmarks. They considered them a primitive reminder of a chaotic past. Neither of her parents had a soulmark, and over time less and less Hyuga seemed to manifest them. She and Hanabi were the first Hyuga to have soulmarks in over two generations and her father wasn’t happy about it. She would be expected to marry to further Hyuga ties and not necessarily someone of her generation. The orphaned son that contained the Nine-tailed fox would never be seen as a suitable match no matter how powerful he was.

Naruto found her at the training grounds behind her clan’s compound, sitting against the trunk of a wide tree. “Hey Hinata!” Hinata looked up startled. He grinned apologetically as Hinata’s face suffused with color. “Sorry! I didn’t mean to startle you, but I was looking all over for you! Hanabi said you’d be here.”

“Y-you were looking for _me_ , Naruto?”

“Yes!” Naruto confirmed eagerly, but then he scratched his head nervously as he considered what he wanted to talk to her about.

Hinata’s heart stuttered as Naruto hesitated. Had Sakura told him about their soulmarks? Her fingers twisted in her lap and she ducked her head as she waited for Naruto to speak.

“Uh, you and Sakura are pretty good friends, right?” Naruto continued.

Hinata’s stomach twisted painfully. Of course, this was about Sakura. “I would consider us good friends, Naruto.”

“Oh, that’s good!” Naruto began. “Maybe you know what’s going on between her and Kakashi-sensei!”

Hinata’s jaw dropped and she scrambled to think of what to say. “Sakura and Kakashi-sensei?” Hinata questioned nervously. “Why would you ask that?”

Naruto scowled. “They’re not getting along, _at all_. And Sakura was so disrespectful to Kakashi-sensei today! She called him Kakashi, _without the honorific_!” Naruto’s eyes were comically wide as he expressed how scandalized he was, but Hinata was distracted by how loud he was yelling.

Hinata glanced around, using her Byakugan to scan if anyone was nearby. She sighed in relief when she saw no one close enough to overhear Naruto’s loud exclamation. It was clear he’d misunderstood the situation and while Hinata often despaired at his oblivious nature, she was extremely happy for it right now.

“They might be fighting, Naruto,” Hinata said softly. “But it isn’t your place to step in right now, unless they ask for your help.”

Naruto’s expression fell and he kicked the dirt sadly. “But they’re my family Hinata. And I don’t want them to hate each other.”

Hinata’s heart filled with tenderness at Naruto’s concern. “Oh Naruto. They could never hate each other. Everyone’s family fights, it’s natural.”

“Even yours?” Naruto said skeptically, thinking of how poised the Hyuga clan was, always presenting a calm facade to the outside world. He couldn’t imagine Hinata being as cold as the elders of her clan. She was so warm in comparison.

“Especially mine,” Hinata confirmed with a smile. “I wouldn’t worry about it too much Naruto. Sakura and Kakashi-sensei love each other,” Hinata’s eyes widened at the admission, “Just as they love you!”

“Thanks, Hinata!” Naruto sighed in relief. “I was really starting to worry about them. I know it’s hard on them with Sasuke still missing and after the whole thing with Pein.” Naruto’s eyes brightened. “And I forgot to thank you Hinata!” He leaned down and grabbed her hand, squeezing reflexively at the sharp jolt that ran through his arm when his fingers met hers. He pulled her into a hug, not minding when Hinata froze in his arms. “You stood up for me when I needed it most. Thank you Hinata!”

“It w-was no p-problem,” Hinata managed, her entire body flooding with warmth at Naruto’s closeness. _Don’t faint, don’t faint, don’t faint_ she chanted in her head as Naruto squeezed her tightly.

Naruto pulled away and looked down at her with an affectionate smile. “You know, I love you too Hinata.” Naruto watched with interest as her pale lavender eyes widened and her red face drained of color. Her eyes were beautiful, now that he could see them up close. Her skin looked so soft. Why hadn’t he ever noticed how dark Hinata’s hair was? It was inky black that glinted blue in the right light and it smelled so nice. He shook his head at the weird thoughts when Hinata responded.

“W-what did you say?” Hinata looked close to fainting as she tended to do in his presence.

Naruto’s arm wound around her waist to support her and he frowned in concern. “Are you okay, Hinata?” At Hinata’s weak nod, he smiled. “Obviously, I love you,” he announced. “How could I not? You stood behind me when everyone else was too afraid! I need more friends like you Hinata! I know I told everyone to stay away and let me handle it,” Naruto grumbled good-naturedly, “But I’m happy that you helped me. I really needed it.”

Hinata had been over the moon with Naruto’s careless declaration, said so confidently. Could he really love her? Her and not Sakura? But as he mentioned the word friend, Hinata’s heart was crushed. Of course, he meant he loved her like a friend. Hadn’t she realized that Naruto cared so deeply for all the people he considered friends? “Yes, I’m so happy we’re…friends.” Hinata murmured softly. For the first time she was able to look Naruto in the eyes. And he looked so pleased by her comment, his lips stretched wide in the smile she’d fallen so in love with. She reached up and stroked the whisker marks across his cheeks, just as she’d always wanted to but never dared. They were like scars across his face, the skin slightly raised and of a different texture than the rest of his cheeks. Soft and heated against the pads of her fingers. Hinata was so concentrated on her fingers stroking his cheek that she missed the red that had seeped into Naruto’s eyes.

Naruto was focused intently on the unfamiliar touch. No one had ever touched the marks adorning his face purposely before and it was a startling sensation. His skin felt as if it was burning under the cool caress of Hinata’s fingers and he gulped heavily. “Uhhh,” he’d never been in this situation with a girl so close to him and by her own free will. He’d dreamed of Sakura before, of soft kisses and affectionate embraces but he’d never been so very warm before, his throat suddenly tight and breathing becoming increasingly difficult.

Hinata seemed to realize that she was causing him distress and she stepped back, smiling sadly. “I’m sorry Naruto.”

“It’s okay, Hinata!” Naruto was quick to reassure her. “I just wasn’t expecting…that?” He didn’t know why but he was lost for words, nervous around Hinata in a way he’d never been before. His gaze skittered away from her face, sliding down and landing awkwardly on the swell of her breasts. Had Hinata always been so well-endowed? He blushed and he quickly looked back at her face. Hinata was watching him curiously.

“Are you feeling well?” she inquired softly. Naruto had an embarrassing reaction to her concern, noticing that her voice was so high and musical. Coupled with the other things he was just noticing, he felt the need to turn away, hunching over awkwardly.

“Maybe I don’t feel well.” He mumbled. “I’ll see you later, Hinata. Thanks for the help!”

Hinata watched Naruto leave with confusion and worry. She hoped he was feeling okay. She sighed as she considered their conversation. It really shouldn’t bother her that much. She’d always realized that Naruto didn’t really notice her. She should simply be happy that he considered her a friend that he loved, even if it was platonically. It was more than she had before and it no longer mattered anyway. Her father had also informed her that she was to start accepting suitors. She would be an adult soon and with the war looming over their heads, he said that the Hyuga clan needed stability now more than ever. Stability and the joy a marriage would bring. Still, she looked at her fingers that were still tingling from the feel of Naruto’s skin. Touching him had been pure enjoyment, settling her nerves for the first time in his presence. Hinata could understand what Sakura had meant. Naruto was her home, but Hinata also understood that they didn’t feel the same way but that was now proving to be a good thing. She hoped that Naruto found someone that would love him as unconditionally as she had. It was time to let him go.

Meanwhile Naruto was sprinting home, his mind racing as he tried to make sense of what just happened. Hinata was his friend but she was also a girl. Not a girl he realized with dawning horror. She was a _woman_ and he hadn’t even noticed. When had that happened? Naruto was sixteen and eagerly awaiting when he would become an adult like Sakura. It was summer and he only had a few months remaining. He thought back to what he knew of Hinata. She was one of the youngest in the class, younger than him by at least a couple months. She was still sixteen too but soon she would be an adult. And maybe she was excited like he was. His eyes had always been on Sakura and he’d somehow missed how beautiful Hinata was like an idiot. Did she have a boyfriend? _Did he care_? Yes, he decided. He skidded to a stop in the middle of the street as he realized. Yes, he cared if Hinata had a boyfriend. Because he _liked_ Hinata and he wanted to date her! _What about Sakura_ , his stupid brain reminded him. But that was a passing thought. He’d come to terms with how he felt for Sakura. She was family, an overbearing older sister that he adored. Naruto couldn’t pin down the exact moment his feelings had started to shift from hopelessly devoted to loving, - but platonic – affection. It was a good thing in the long run. Sakura clearly would never love him because…because…a light bulb went off in his head and he gasped audibly in shock. He thought back to the looks Kakashi-sensei and Sakura had shared over the years, the affection and concern Sakura showed their sensei more than anyone else and how very cold Kakashi-sensei had been to Sakura when she was younger. He puzzled it over in his head, brain straining to make connections. _Kakashi-sensei wouldn’t have taken advantage of Sakura, would he?_ But Naruto rejected that thought as well. Their sensei was a good man above anything and cared deeply for his teammates. But what did that mean? _What did that mean?_ He turned around and headed towards Sakura’s apartment as he considered it. He laughed as he realized that Sakura lived right next door to their sensei. That couldn’t be a coincidence, could it?

XX

Sakura needed to talk to Kakashi and she was tired of waiting for him to stop avoiding her. She went to his apartment on a day where he had no missions, checking first at the cenotaph to make sure he wasn’t there. He answered the door with a wary expression but merely stepped aside when she asked to come in.

Sakura didn’t waste words under his scrutinizing gaze. She took a deep breath and turned her back to him, slipping her shirt off as she turned. His strangled gasp was all the confirmation she needed. She didn’t expect the feel of calloused fingers pressing carefully between her shoulder blades but the shock once his skin touched hers was unmistakeable.  A jolt of desire, love and familiarity coursing through her veins, radiating from the point where his fingers stroked her skin reverently.

“I tried,” Kakashi whispered. “I know we discussed it, but I’m having a hard time with this Sakura.”

Sakura turned at his confession, searching his eye as she tried to understand. “Why Kakashi?”

“You’re so young,” he offered.

“No,” Sakura asserted, the first flames of anger colouring her tone. “You don’t get to decide that.” Her fists clenched. “You promised to wait for me, but it goes both ways Kakashi. I was waiting for you too.” She searched his closed expression. “I thought we were past this Kakashi.”

Sakura’s arms folded protectively over her chest and she realized that she was still shirtless, her breasts unbound to show Kakashi her mark. Kakashi was doing his best but his eyes strayed to her chest more than once.

Kakashi closed his eyes tightly, his fists clenching at his sides. He avoided her question for the moment, hoping to make a point. “Is this what you want Sakura?” His hands moved to her shoulders, her own arms dropping in surprise as he pulled her close, his forehead pressing against her shoulder. She shivered, his soft hair tickling her skin as he lifted his face; forehead then cheek sliding across her shoulder slowly. His mouth pressed against her shoulder, one hand slipping into the back of her skirt, the other stroking her side. “Do you know how sick I am? I wanted you even at fifteen years old.”

Sakura was speechless as fire ignited in her blood. Her head tilted automatically as he pressed open-mouthed kisses to her shoulder, moving to her neck as he carefully nipped her with his canines. He could feel her nipples pebbling against the fabric of his undershirt, could smell her arousal and he was disgusted with himself but so very pleased to be able to finally touch her as much as he wanted after so long. His fingers slipped between her legs, finding her already wet. He growled against her neck, his hand leaving her side and moving to cup her small breast as she cried out.

“Kakashi?” Sakura wasn’t sure what to do. Her body was so eager for his touch. She’d imagined this scenario on several occasions, but she’d never imagined that she could feel so much as his fingers stroked between her legs and rolled her nipples. A rational part of her knew that this wasn’t a good idea despite the intimacy they’d shared previously. Not when their issues didn’t seem to be resolved. How could she make love to him, when he didn’t even know what he wanted from her? She squirmed at the phrase “make love” but how else could she describe it? It wasn’t just sex, it couldn’t be.

At the hesitance in her voice, Kakashi froze. He sighed against her neck as he pulled away, turning away from her in shame and clenching his fists so he wouldn’t reach for her. “Put on your shirt Sakura.”

“I…Kakashi I didn’t mean…” Sakura stopped talking and tried to focus past her body’s demands. Dutifully she pulled on her shirt and smoothed out the wrinkles as she waited for Kakashi to speak.

“I’m sorry Sakura, but now you can understand why it was best that I stayed away. When I say you are too young, I don’t mean to placate you or use it as an excuse. I want more from you then you can understand.” Kakashi turned back to her once he was certain she was dressed. “You’re my soulmate, but I never wanted one. I never needed one.”

At her fallen expression he sighed. “I never wanted one, until you smashed the ground open in front of my face. And I know that whatever is said about soulmates being meant for each other, I was still wrong to want you Sakura and wrong to exploit our bond. You’re seventeen and I’m thirty-one. I deluded myself into thinking it would be alright.”

Sakura tilted her chin defiantly. “I don’t care. I don’t care what people say, what they think. I’ve been in love with you for almost as long as I’ve known you.” As he opened his mouth to protest, she raised her hand to silence him. “You’re my soulmate but you forget that while I might be young I’ve lost so much already, and I know what it’s like to lose you. You can’t say that. You can’t know how much it hurt the moment you died. I felt it, Kakashi. I was fighting and then…” Sakura’s fist pressed against her mouth as she remembered the moment. “And then you were _gone_. And I knew it, but I couldn’t do anything. I was useless because for those seconds I could only focus on the pain of your loss.” _It felt like her world was ending._ “I’ve lost friends, felt heartache and killed people. I’m not a child and I know what I want.”

“And what about Naruto? What about Tsunade? How can your parents understand? Can you face them with the same confidence?” Kakashi challenged her. “Can you live with the consequences of declaring your feelings?”

Sakura wavered, thinking of Naruto’s hurt, of her parent’s anger. Would they understand? Tsunade might, having experienced the loss of her own soulmate. But her parents wouldn’t, not when they’d rejected the idea of soulmates altogether. Naruto might not, never having felt what she has, not able to understand the bond that she shared with Kakashi despite their previous strife. But she’d already dealt with these exact questions from Hinata she reminded herself and she’d made her decision then.  She squared her shoulders as Kakashi looked at her with such sad certainty. “Yes, I can. I told you that I don’t care. My parents can disown me, Naruto can be as angry as he wants. I’m not letting you just walk away again.”

Kakashi watched her with conflicted emotions. She seemed so certain of what she wanted. She was of legal age but that didn’t mean that people wouldn’t still look down on them because of the age difference. People already thought he was a pervert. How would they react if they heard he was practically a cradle robber? But he’d waited so long, had settled into the idea that she was his and accepted that even if she married someone else, he would remain hers until he died. His father once told him that Hatakes had always loved fiercely and loyally until the day they died. Maybe it was the traits they shared with the ninkens that they commanded, but he’d chosen his mate and it was set in stone as far as he was concerned. Sakura was it for him. There could be no one else.

“I need time,” he admitted finally. “And so do you. You’re shaken up by my death, and of course your first instinct is to cling to me. I understand that better than anyone, but I want you to be certain. I need you to understand that just because our soulmarks match, this doesn’t mean that I’m your only choice.”

Sakura laughed bitterly. “But you are! You have been since I was 12 years old. Is that what this is about? I’m not a child Kakashi and you could put a hundred different men in front of me, more handsome, more intelligent, stronger, younger, it wouldn’t matter. You’re it.” As Kakashi opened his mouth to respond Sakura held her hand up. “I understand that you’re still battling misplaced guilt. I don’t know why this issue has resurfaced again but it’s clear that you need to think about what you want. I don’t need you to tell me what I should feel or think. I’m not the one that’s confused.” Sakura swallowed hard and nodded once. “I can’t make you want a relationship with me, Kakashi. Just please don’t shut me out again.”

Kakashi nodded. He wanted to tell her to forget what he’d said, to forgive him for his indecision but he couldn’t. He stepped towards her, his fingers caressing her cheek with restrained tenderness. “Thank you. And please think about what I said. I’ll see you soon Sakura.” He guided her to his door with a gentle hand on the small of her back. He closed the door on her defeated expression with a sigh.

If only they’d met later in life. Another five years would have been okay, when the age difference didn’t matter as much and when she’d lived a little more of her life and seen what else the world had to offer her besides him. She was so certain of what she wanted and the temptation to give in to her and forget Gai’s words was strong, but he resisted. They both needed time to think it over. He’d focused so long on Sakura that he was in danger of letting her consume him. Gai had put it in perspective for him.

XX

Naruto skid to a stop in front of Kakashi’s apartment complex and smiled in triumph as he spotted Sakura trudging down the stairs towards the street.

“Hey, Sakuuuura!” Naruto started waving his arms wildly as Sakura looked towards him. He watched in consternation as she tried to smile for him but her expression was pinched and tears slid down her cheeks. “Oi, what did Kakashi-sensei do to you?” Naruto huffed in aggravation. Their sensei was really starting to get on his nerves making Sakura so sad.

“Nothing, Naruto. He didn’t do anything,” Sakura said quietly as she turned and led the way to her own apartment.

Naruto followed her dutifully, but his brow was furrowed in frustration. He hardly noticed when Sakura led him into her apartment and shut the door quietly behind him. “I don’t understand why Kakashi-sensei is making you so sad. Soulmates are supposed to make you happy!”

Sakura froze in place with her back to him, the kettle she’d filled with water to heat for tea held in the air above the stovetop. “What did you say, Naruto?”

Naruto repeated himself clearly, wondering if Sakura’s hearing was starting to go or something. “I said, soulmates are supposed to make you happy! Kakashi-sensei isn’t doing a very good job, is he?”

Sakura placed the kettle down heavily, turning to Naruto with wide eyes. “How long have you known that Kakashi and I are soulmates?”

Naruto scratched his head, thinking back to when he’d been talking to Hinata. He was momentarily distracted by the thought of Hinata’s lavender eyes and her breasts and her long hair and her smile. She really was beautiful. Why hadn’t he ever noticed? He really could be an idiot sometimes.

“Naruto!” Sakura said sharply.

“Oh!” Naruto’s eyes squinted in concentration. “Uh, I would guess I’ve known about fifteen minutes.” He nodded in satisfaction at his own deduction. “And let me tell you Sakura, I should have realized before! You two have been acting weird around each other for years!”

“Fifteen minutes?” Sakura asked with a dazed expression. “Wha-? Wait, that doesn’t matter. Does it bother you?” Sakura asked him nervously.

Naruto considered it and shook his head in denial. “No, I don’t feel that way about you anymore Sakura. And I never liked Kakashi like that.” His nose wrinkled in disgust.

Sakura rolled her eyes at his self-absorbed answer. “That’s great Naruto, but I mean do you see anything wrong with our relationship?”

Naruto scratched his head in confusion again. “Why would I? You’re soulmates. Kakashi’s sensei had a soulmate. Her name was Kushina and she was really great about him being Hokage. Kakashi said that she loved his sensei more than anything and they were very happy.” Naruto smiled sadly. “I guess that was my mom since The Fourth was my dad. No wonder Kakashi told me so many stories about them. I feel like I already know them.”

“Oh, Naruto.” Sakura pulled him into a hug and he clung to her.

Naruto allowed her to comfort him for a moment, but he pulled away after a few minutes and cleared his throat. “My mom and dad were very happy, and Asuma-sensei and Kurenai-sensei were happy. Lee, Ayame, Shizune, and Genma are happy. I don’t understand why you aren’t? If it’s Kakashi-sensei’s fault, I’ll kick his ass!”

Sakura laughed at his exuberance at fighting Kakashi. “You really don’t mind about us?”

“You keep asking that,” Naruto said with annoyance. “Why would I mind?”

“Because he’s our sensei, and he’s almost fourteen years older than me, and he’s lazy and a pervert and…”

“And you love him.” Naruto stated. “That’s what matters, isn’t it? If anyone has a problem with it, I’ll kick their asses too!” he announced. “It doesn’t matter if you’re soulmates. That’s important too but if you love each other, then that’s all you need.”

Sakura’s eyes filled with tears and she hugged Naruto tightly. “Thank you, Naruto.”

Naruto smiled, pleased that he could help Sakura out. Then his brow furrowed again as he asked her nervously, “Hey, do you know if Hinata is seeing anyone?”

Sakura pulled back from him and wiped her tears away with a wondering expression. “It’s like you’re growing up before my eyes.” She said with awe. “You’re no longer an idiot.” She smirked at his indignant expression and kissed his cheek with affection. “I haven’t talked to her since she’s been out of the hospital, but I could ask her if you want?”

“Please!” Naruto asked with pleading eyes. “But don’t tell her that I wanted to know! I want to ask her out myself and surprise her!”

“I promise,” Sakura said solemnly, already planning on breaking that promise to give some warning to Hinata so she didn’t die of a heart attack.

“Thanks, Sakura!” Naruto grinned. “And don’t worry about Kakashi-sensei! He loves you too! He looks at you like you’re a bowl of ramen! And not just any old ramen, but Ichiraku ramen!”

Sakura rolled her eyes but smiled. “Thanks Naruto. Coming from you, that’s the highest compliment I can receive.”

“You better believe it!”

XX

The village wasn’t built in a day, but progress was swift. It should have thrilled Sakura to see all that they’d accomplished in so short a time, but her heart was aching. She’d kept her distance from Kakashi, much to the annoyance of Naruto. Naruto had taken to throwing Kakashi dirty looks whenever the man glanced towards them. Sakura could only laugh at his attempts to shame Kakashi into a relationship with her, when Kakashi didn’t even understand why Naruto was so pissed at him in the first place. For a usually vocal person, Naruto had sworn himself to secrecy without her asking and was determined to remain on her side throughout.

Sakura loved Naruto even more for the loyalty he displayed without thought, but she didn’t want his relationship with Kakashi to suffer because of her.

“Naruto, I appreciate the support, I really do but Kakashi misses you.”

Naruto glared in the direction of Kakashi, who was working alongside Yamato, but his expression softened when Kakashi sent him a plaintive look in return. Naruto turned his face away abruptly, determined to be angry for her sake. “Then sensei shouldn’t be such an idiot.”

Sakura sighed. “I know you miss him too, Naruto. I love you both too much to see you give him the cold shoulder for my sake. He is still your family and our disagreement shouldn’t affect that.”

“But Saaaakuura,” Naruto whined.

“Invite him for ramen, Naruto.” Sakura said firmly. “Please?”

“Only because you want me to,” Naruto grumbled, but she could see his shoulders sag with relief. He’d never been able to hold a grudge.

Sakura watched in amusement as Naruto marched over to Kakashi, shouting his name as he approached. She could see Kakashi’s uncertainty, then his relief as Naruto spoke to him. He nodded, his eye creasing happily at Naruto’s request. Sakura smiled at them, aching heart forgotten for a moment as Kakashi ruffled Naruto’s hair. He looked up at her and met her eyes deliberately. _Thank you_ , he seemed to say. She shrugged casually, but her heart warmed as his eye held hers with longing, before he dropped his gaze and turned away. _This hurts you as much as it hurts me, Kakashi._

XX

Kakashi had no idea why Naruto was giving him the cold shoulder suddenly. One day he was clamouring for more stories of his father and mother, and the next he was avoiding him or glaring at him from afar. It was the day after he rejected Sakura for what felt like the fiftieth time, and Kakashi had a sinking feeling that this was why. What had Sakura admitted to him?

It lifted his spirits when Naruto demanded they go for ramen, and despite the distance between them, Kakashi knew he had Sakura to thank. He couldn’t let himself linger on how beautiful she looked, how sad she was, or how he was the reason for the latter. He’d acquiesced to Naruto’s demand happily and looked forward to a return to their normal relationship.

Kakashi was early for once, sitting at Ichiraku when Naruto approached noisily. He had many new admirers after Pein, women and men alike stopping him at every corner to congratulate him, express gratitude or flirt. He grinned and blushed at the first two, so unused to positive attention, and was completely oblivious to the flirting. Not that Kakashi had minded. He’d long noticed that Hinata had her heart set on Naruto, as had everyone else. Hinata was a sweet girl and Kakashi was rooting for her.

Naruto sat down beside him, ordering quickly for them both before another group swarmed him for his attention. There were so many people and not even one was paying any attention to him, so Kakashi ate his food quickly, grateful to avoid the usual scrutiny Naruto regarded him with whenever they ate together. He was glad that he didn’t have to hide around Sakura anymore and he considered the idea of taking his mask off for Naruto as well. The thought was easily dismissed because teasing Naruto was much more fun.

Naruto did his best to talk to Kakashi but between autographs and eating three bowls of ramen, he wasn’t able to get more than a few words in. “Can we go somewhere quieter?” Naruto finally asked with a frustrated sigh. The smile on his face was becoming strained as he tried to maintain his usual jovial mood.

“Sure,” Kakashi said with an eye crease. “To my apartment?”

Naruto nodded eagerly, slurping up the last of his ramen noisily and stacking the bowl on top of the others he’d finished. “Let’s go sensei!”

Kakashi shook his head at Naruto’s haste, stomach tightening as he wondered what exactly Naruto was going to say to him. What had Sakura told him? He led the way to his apartment silently, setting a fast pace over the rooftops. He entered through the door, still avoiding his bedroom window that faced Sakura’s apartment building. Naruto followed him, his breathing loud as he shut the door quietly. Kakashi avoided looking at him, setting water on for tea.

Naruto laughed behind him and Kakashi froze. “That’s what Sakura did, when she didn’t want to tell me.”

Kakashi sighed. So, she’d told him. But how much? “Tell you what, Naruto?”

“That you’re soulmates,” Naruto said obviously.

“Ahh, I see” Kakashi offered weakly. “She told you.”

“She didn’t have to tell me,” Naruto stated proudly. “I figured it out.”

Kakashi turned to Naruto, searching his face as he continued to speak. Naruto wasn’t one to hide how he felt, and he didn’t keep secrets very well, which worried Kakashi.

“You did?”

Naruto nodded happily, looking to Kakashi for praise or acknowledgment of his deduction abilities. When Kakashi simply stood there and regarded him warily, Naruto frowned in disgruntlement. “Sakura wasn’t impressed either.” He scratched his head. “I know you didn’t want anyone to know. Sakura explained why and it makes sense, but we’re supposed to be a team Kakashi-sensei. You should have trusted me.”

Kakashi sighed at the renewed frustration and vulnerability in Naruto’s eyes and voice. “I’m sorry Naruto. Don’t blame Sakura. I was the one who didn’t want to tell you.”

Naruto huffed in annoyance. “Sakura could have told me anyway. You can’t make her do anything she doesn’t want to, even if you’re her soulmate.”

“Maybe not,” Kakashi admitted, “but we weren’t sure how you would react.”

Naruto looked away from Kakashi with a thoughtful frown on his face. “I might have been angry,” he conceded. “Maybe I would have said something I’d regret later. Maybe I would have kicked your ass. But…” he nodded firmly. “We’re Team Kakashi and nothing you’ve done is any worse than Sasuke. You once said that only scum abandons a comrade, or was it people that are worse than scum abandon friends?” Naruto scratched his head in chagrin. “I got the message and I gave my word. And I never go back on my word! That’s my Nindo.”

Kakashi blinked at Naruto’s easy acceptance, and his unfaltering loyalty. What had he done to deserve this boy in his life? No, as he looked at Naruto’s determined grin, he accepted what he’d been resistant to. Naruto was no longer the hot-headed prankster. He’d saved the village and trained hard to accomplish what he had and become who he was. Naruto was no longer a boy, no longer simply his student and had surpassed him already. For a moment he saw the shadow of his sensei in Naruto’s stance, in his smile and his eyes. Kakashi had no doubt that Naruto would become Hokage one day and surpass his father. But not yet. First, they had to deal with Sasuke. If he could concede that Naruto was an adult, then the same had to be said for Sasuke and Sakura. Sasuke’s actions could no longer be blamed on the misguided anger of youth. And Sakura could no longer be relegated to a girl that wasn’t mature enough to understand what she wanted. The first would be dealt with soon, but the second he still had to give some thought to.

Kakashi reached to ruffle Naruto’s hair, but his hand froze, and he clapped Naruto on the shoulder instead. “Thank you, Naruto. I will always cherish your opinion. I’m sorry that I did not tell you about Sakura before. You deserve honesty at the very least and I love Sakura more than I love anyone. That will never change.”

Naruto’s smile nearly blinded him and he knew he’d made the right decision, to share his thoughts and feelings.

XX

“I have two suitors currently, Sakura.” Hinata announced heavily.

Sakura stared at Hinata with disbelief. “ _Two_ suitors? You’re seeing two guys _at the same time_?”

“It is the responsibility and honour of the heir to marry and secure the Hyuga kekkai genkai for future generations.” Hinata intoned. “And both men are acceptable matches for me. They have no objection to me seeing them both.”

“But what about Naruto?” Sakura questioned with rising ire. “He wants to ask you out! Isn’t this what you wanted, Hinata?”

Hinata’s composure faltered before her expression turned once more serene. “It would have once overjoyed me, Sakura. But my duty as the heiress to the Hyuga clan is both an honour and privilege and I must show that I’m deserving of it.”

“So Hanabi’s dumped this on you,” Sakura concluded bitterly. “After almost five years she decided that she didn’t want the _privilege_ that was stripped from you.”

Hinata’s eyes widened in distress, her lips compressing in determination. “Hanabi should never have been put in this position in the first place. If I wasn’t so _weak_ , so focused on catching up to Naruto then she would have had a normal childhood.”

Sakura’s expression softened with Hinata’s dismay. “That wasn’t your fault Hinata. You’ve always been strong; your father was just too blind to see it.”

“Even if that were true,” Hinata said sadly, “My father would never approve of me marrying Naruto. He might have saved the village but he’s still the Jinchuuriki of the nine-tails and an orphan with no clan to stand behind him.”

“Clan politics,” Sakura said with disgust. “I really hate them. Can’t you explain that he’s your soulmate?”

Hinata shook her head. “They Hyuga Clan elders don’t place any importance in soulmarks. I’m the first in two generations to manifest a mark and they were not pleased when they found out. They wanted to try and burn it from my skin before my father convinced them how useless that would be.”

“But you love him?” Sakura implored with tear-filled eyes.

“I do,” Hinata said with conviction, “And I always will but life isn’t that simple Sakura. You should realize this better than anyone. Sometimes our soulmates are simply unsuitable. You and Kakashi belong together and you’ve known for years but Naruto has just discovered I exist and it’s too late. I can’t stake the future of my clan on a possibility.”

Sakura wanted to protest, to rage at the unfairness of it and smash the Hyuga compound to pieces but she understood. She was blessed in a way to never have been born to one of Konoha’s respected clans. She knew from the members of Team 10 and Hinata’s teammates that being part of a clan involved a lot of hierarchy and ceremony and the Hyuga clan was one of the strictest due to their kekkai genkei being so rare and important to Konoha, both in terms of prestige and formidability. Few Hyuga had ever become a missing-nin for long and survived.

“He does care for you,” Sakura said weakly. “You should have seen how excited he was to ask you out.”

Hinata’s pressed a fist to her mouth and twisted away as a sob escaped her lips. Her shoulders shook as she did her best to stifle her cries.

“I’m sorry Hinata,” Sakura said with alarm. “I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

It took a few minutes for Hinata to compose herself before she was able to turn back to Sakura with a semi-neutral expression. But her red-rimmed eyes and swollen features betrayed her sorrow. “Please don’t worry about me Sakura.” Hinata ducked her head, her hair shielding her face. “I’ve known my duty from the moment I was old enough to understand. It was my fault for deceiving myself with the belief that I could ever marry Naruto.”

“Talk to your father,” Sakura begged finally. “Tell him how you feel. I don’t want to break Naruto’s heart and seeing you so sad is killing me when it could be solved so easily.”

“If only I had that kind of power, to break Naruto’s heart.” Hinata said wistfully. “I think you overestimate my importance to him, but I will speak to my father.”

“That’s all I’m asking,” Sakura said with relief.

“Thank you for telling me Sakura.” Hinata said with a small smile. “Even if I never see him again, I have at least the knowledge that I mean more to Naruto than I could imagine.”

“Don’t be so dramatic,” Sakura chided. “This will work out, you’ll see.”

“If only,” Hinata wished.

Sakura left Hinata then, off to see Tsunade in the hospital. Hinata watched her depart with a hopeful expression. The worst her father could say was no to Naruto courting her. It was more hope than Hinata had allowed herself to harbour in years. 

She left the training grounds fully preoccupied with what she would say to her father, never noticing that he was standing within the walls of the compound with his Byakugan activated, having heard the entire conversation between his daughter and Sakura. He turned away from his daughter’s retreating form with a dark scowl.

XX

Danzo left for the Five Kage Summit, set up solely for the purpose of deciding what to do about Sasuke and whoever was supporting or controlling him. Team Kakashi was well aware of what Danzo’s position on Sasuke was and if he convinced the rest of the Kage to see the issue as he did, then nothing would save Sasuke. Too many people would die in the pursuit of their goals to destroy Sasuke. Team Kakashi understood this better than most after their last confrontation with Sasuke. He was slipping away from the boy they’d known, and darkness had continued to grow in his heart.

Sakura watched Naruto struggle with his conflicting feelings about Sasuke. His promise to bring Sasuke back no matter what was beginning to wear on him and nothing she could say would change his mind. He loved Sasuke as a brother and that alone dictated the path he would take. He had saved Gaara, which gave him hope, and he never gave up. Naruto would kill himself in the effort to bring Sasuke back and Sakura could no longer bear it.

Her feelings surrounding Sasuke were complicated. She wasn’t in love with him as she once imagined she was. She cared for him as part of her team, and she wished for his safe return if only to relieve the burden of guilt that Naruto and Kakashi shouldered because of him. Kakashi saw himself in Sasuke and she could understand why. But when she looked at Kakashi, she saw a man that had done his best to overcome his anger against the machinations of the village for the sake of the innocent people they served. Konoha could be cruel, Sakumo Hatake being a prime example. Or Naruto for that matter, shunned because of something he couldn’t control and lied to his entire life. Both of them had become men she admired, each of them stronger in their own way than she could ever hope to be. Both protected a village that had betrayed them in some respect. Naruto had lost his family, his identity, and the respect and happiness he should have grown up with. He’d been kicked down too many times to count, no one really standing in his corner until Iruka had seen a part of himself in the orphan. And Kakashi had lost a father to ridicule and village dynamics. He’d lost his team and sensei to the shinobi life, and he’d lost part of himself serving in Anbu. But he still served the village faithfully because he understood where the path that Sasuke had chosen would lead.

Sasuke’s loss could not be compared in terms of better or worse but the choices he’d made were ones that Sakura couldn’t understand. She’d tried for his sake, for their team’s sake but she was faltering in her support of him, seeing only a man that was threatening to tear their village apart with his actions, and breaking Naruto and Kakashi’s hearts in the process. Naruto begged Kakashi and Yamato to bring him to the Five Kage Summit to ask for leniency for Sasuke and they relented, though Yamato was very reluctant to do so, trusting Kakashi’s judgment more than he trusted Naruto’s faith in Sasuke.

Before they left, Kakashi stopped by Sakura’s apartment to say goodbye. She answered the door with a concerned frown. She knew where he was going and she was upset that she was not included in his plans.

“We’re leaving tomorrow morning,” Kakashi said softly in way of greeting.

“Without me,” Sakura said bitterly.

“I know I don’t have the right after everything, but your safety will always be my first concern. Danzo will be there and we don’t know what reception we’ll receive considering our request.”

Sakura sighed, too tired to argue. She wasn’t sure that she would even be helpful, confused as she was about what she thought of Sasuke. “I know,” she relented. “Be careful.”

She couldn’t help herself, reaching for his cheek and stroking the skin along the edge of his mask. Kakashi leaned into her touch, eyes closing in contentment.

“I love you Kakashi,” she whispered, needing to say the words despite the strain in their relationship.

Kakashi sighed softly, his eye opening and making contact with her own. “Sakura,” he murmured with regret.

“I don’t expect you to say it back. I just needed to say it. I know you’re aware of it and I’ve spoken about it before but…” Sakura bit her lip, not sure what she was trying to verbalize. “I needed you to hear it.” Her hand dropped from his cheek and she ducked her head.

Kakashi ushered her deeper into her apartment, closing the door softy behind him. They were left in hazy lighting, the light of the moon illuminating Kakashi’s face but leaving Sakura’s in shadow as her back faced the closest window. His fingers went to his Hitae-ate and pulled it from around his forehead, setting it carefully on the small table she used to hold her odds and ends. Sakura watched him carefully as he pulled down his mask and faced her with his Sharingan closed.

“I don’t want there to be any confusion.” He clarified. His hands mirrored her own action and cupped her cheeks, gently tilting her face and gaze to his. “I love you Sakura.” His lone eye burned into hers, trying to convey his sincerity and conviction. “I don’t know how to make you understand. I love you more than anything, more than anyone else. If you die, there won’t be any part of me left.”

Sakura’s eyes welled with tears, her hand coming to rest over one of his own. “But why push me away? We’re both miserable, and who knows how much time we have left.” She felt the urgency, as she knew he did, as if time was growing shorter with the threat of war approaching.

“You were right,” Kakashi conceded with a sad smile. “I was trying to make decisions for you because I thought I knew what was best. I let what others thought cloud my judgment and influence my decisions.”

“Who?” Sakura demanded with steel in her voice.

“It doesn’t matter,” Kakashi said. “I shouldn’t have let it matter. I’ve made so many mistakes. Can you forgive me?”

Sakura searched his expression and smiled. He kissed her smile, free hand wrapping around her waist and pulling her closer. Sakura’s mouth opened to his, tongue sliding against his as he tasted her. Her arms slipped around his neck, fingers sinking into his unruly hair. He pulled away with a sharp intake of air, tucking her under his chin and breathing in her scent.

“I’ll be back before you know it,” he promised Sakura. “Nothing would keep me away.”

“Stay safe,” Sakura commanded softly. “And take care of Naruto. He’s still hurt after Hinata rejected him.”

“I will,” Kakashi sighed at the thought of Naruto, who was incredibly morose after Hinata told him that she was already seeing someone. He pulled away from Sakura reluctantly. “Goodnight Sakura.” Sakura hesitated, an offer to spend the night on the tip of her tongue, even just to sleep. One look at Kakashi quieted her. He was watching her knowingly, but he shook his head. “Naruto is in my apartment. He’s taking Hinata’s rejection hard.”

“Goodnight Kakashi.”

She watched until he disappeared around his apartment building with a disappointed frown.

XX

Despite their private goodbye, Sakura saw them off the next morning, outside but within sight of the village gate. Kakashi was his typical self, Icha Icha held in one hand as he perused the pages. Sakura smirked at him, and he offered her an eye crease in return.

Naruto was uncharacteristically quiet, expression pensive as he stared back at Konoha and towards the Hyuga compound.

“Naruto!” Sakura called him sharply for the third time. He glanced at her with chagrin. “Do what Kakashi and Yamato suggest,” she commanded him.

“It’s not a suggestion if I have no choice Sakura.” Naruto grumbled good-naturedly, attempting a smile.

“Good,” Sakura pulled him into a hug, squeezing him a little too tight as she worried about how he was doing. “That way you’ll stay safe.”

“I’ll be okay!” Naruto announced loudly.

Sakura looked him in the eyes, smiling softly at whatever she saw. “Yes, you will,” she assured him. “And Hinata will come to her senses by the time you get back.”

“Sakura!” Naruto squeaked, glancing around furtively in case someone was close enough to hear. He ignored Kakashi’s pitying expression.

“Relax Naruto,” Kakashi laughed, ruffling his hair. “It’s not like Hinata is here.”

A small cough interrupted Kakashi’s teasing and Naruto turned bright red when he saw Hinata standing behind them with an uncertain smile. Sakura elbowed Kakashi hard in the ribs and he groaned quietly as she stepped forward.

“Hinata! Did you come to say goodbye?” At Hinata’s nod, she turned towards Naruto and grinned at him. “Wasn’t that nice, Naruto?” She rolled her eyes as Naruto scratched the back of his head and nodded wordlessly. “Kakashi and I will just go over here, right _now._ ” Sakura grabbed Kakashi’s hand and yanked him towards the village.

Hinata took in Naruto with a concerned frown. His blue eyes didn’t seem as bright today, and the smile on his face was clearly forced. She’d really made this awkward then. Naruto had approached her so boldly the other day and asked her if she wanted to go out for ramen.

“Like a date?” she’d nearly fainted at his enthusiastic nod, clutching her stomach as nerves threatened to make her empty the meagre contents of her stomach. She wanted to say yes, it was at the tip of her tongue, but she hadn’t spoken to her father yet and she’d already made commitments that week to her other suitors. She blurted it out gracelessly and made a fool of herself.

“I’m already dating someone else,” she felt her face flushing as she further admitted, “actually I’m seeing two people,” At Naruto’s horrified expression, she’d just dug the hole deeper. “It’s okay, Naruto! They know about each other. My father asked me to consider one of them to marry,” She’d nearly collapsed as she watched all colour drain from Naruto’s face.

The entire conversation had only gone downhill from there. Until Naruto had simply run away from her bumbling explanations. She’d wanted to call him back, but she realized that until she talked to her father, it would be useless. _What he must think of her._

She’d come here to try and explain. Her father had sequestered himself with the Hyuga clan elders for the past week and he’d been far too busy for her to speak to him, no matter how urgent she felt it was. She couldn’t make him any promises, but she wanted Naruto to know that she would have loved to say yes.

“I just came to apologize,” Hinata started with. As Naruto opened his mouth to speak Hinata raised a hand and halted whatever he was going to say, “Please Naruto, let me explain!” She pleaded with her eyes and watched as his pinched expression softened and he nodded.

Hinata looked around, using her Byakugan to ensure their complete privacy. It wasn’t an ideal location and she realized that there were too many people around. She grabbed Naruto’s hand and tugged him into the trees that surrounded Konoha, until they were far enough from the gates not to be heard by Izumo and Kotetsu who watched them leave with wide eyes. They’d never seen Hinata so forceful before.

“I’m sorry Naruto,” Hinata said softly. She held on to his hand and squeezed it gently, taking strength from the warmth of his grip and the calloused palms that clasped her own. “Sometimes,” Hinata laughed, “ _Every time_ I try to talk to you, I feel like the words get lost somewhere between my heart and my head and they always come out wrong.” She sighed. “You know I’m the heir to the Hyuga clan.” At Naruto’s hesitant nod, Hinata continued sadly. “I’ll be of age soon and the clan leaders want to see me married as soon as possible.”

“No!” Naruto shouted his denial with twisted features, red seeping into his eyes at the thought of Hinata marrying anyone else.

“It’s tradition,” Hinata said softly. “And I’ve been neglecting my duties. That’s why my father asked me to allow two men to court me at once, so I may have some semblance of choice. They are distant cousins of mine, our blood relation too weak to be a danger to our future children but strong enough that they don’t threaten the probability of passing the Byakugan on.”

Naruto snarled, the strange chakra of the Nine tailed Fox beginning to bubble from the surface of his skin. It was instinctual, Hinata’s hand going to his cheek to calm him. His face tilted into her palm and Naruto squeezed his eyes shut as he focused on calming himself. He felt Kurama’s amusement and used his embarrassment and the feel of Hinata’s skin against his own to anchor him. He opened his eyes and focused on Hinata’s pale lavender eyes.

“Is that what you want?” He asked her, his voice guttural. “To marry one of these men?”

“Ye-no!” Hinata’s agonized eyes implored him to understand. “I have a duty to my clan. For the first time in my life, I can make my father proud.”

Naruto’s hand moved over hers, holding her palm to his face. “But will that make you _happy_ , Hinata?”

Hinata thought of what her father would say if he were to see her here, one hand cradling Naruto’s cheek and the other gripping his jacket. How had it gotten there? But as she looked at Naruto, she realized with shock that she recognized the look on his face. It was the look she saw reflected when she stared into a mirror. He was looking at her as if she was the only thing that mattered. And she wanted so desperately to tell him that he was her soulmate but it didn’t matter in the end. She would have loved him all the same.

“No,” she admitted. “They can’t make me happy.” She pushed away the fleeting emotions of sorrow at how disappointed her father would be. “What would make me happy is to go out for ramen with you.”

Naruto’s smile nearly blinded her, his blue eyes tearing up as he wrapped his arms around her waist and swung her around. “Let’s go right now! Ichiraku opens pretty soon but I’m sure I can convince Ayame to open early!”

Hinata laughed at Naruto’s eagerness. “When you get back, Naruto. Kakashi-sensei is waiting for you.”

Naruto’s expression sobered quickly as he remembered why Kakashi was waiting for him. _Sasuke_. How had he forgotten so easily? Hinata’s tender expression reminded him why. When she looked at him like that he never wanted to leave her side. “We’ll go the day I get back, the minute I step through that gate and not a second sooner.” Naruto declared.

“That sounds perfect,” Hinata agreed with a smile.

Naruto realized with horror that he was still holding Hinata to him, and it was doing interesting things to him. He stepped away from her quickly, scratching his head and feeling suddenly awkward and a bit like the idiot that Sakura claimed he was. “Good!” He smiled wide, hoping Hinata didn’t notice the reason his face was turning red.

Hinata giggled softly at his discomposure, hand covering her mouth at Naruto’s sudden bashfulness. “Should we find Kakashi-sensei and Sakura?”

“Yes!” Naruto agreed eagerly. He took her hand and led her back to the village gate, proud and a little smug when Hinata didn’t pull away, even when Kotetsu and Izumo raised their eyebrows at their joined hands. Those two were the biggest gossips in Konoha, next to Ino and it would be all over the village by the end of the day _. Good_ , Naruto thought with satisfaction.

He said goodbye to Hinata, pulling her close for a hug, too nervous to attempt a kiss in front of the amused Kakashi and fawning Sakura, who’d reappeared beside them. She hugged him back just as tightly.

“Please be careful, Naruto.”

“Of course!” He promised her. “I’ll be back before you know it!”

He watched Hinata’s retreating form with longing, already missing her. He allowed Sakura and Kakashi to pull him further from the village reluctantly, and did his best to give them some semblance of privacy as they said their own goodbyes. His expression twisted in disgust as they kissed, Sakura clutching Kakashi close with an urgency that Naruto found faintly amusing. It wasn’t like they were facing Pein again. But he understood what she was feeling. It was still a goodbye and it would probably be weeks before they saw each other again.

He’d come to terms with their relationship and was happy that Kakashi had seemed to pull his head out of his ass long enough to realize that he and Sakura belonged together. It made sense to Naruto. He yelped in surprise as Yamato gripped his shoulder, pointing towards Sakura and Kakashi with shock.

“How long has that been going on?”

Naruto laughed at his dumbfounded expression, “They’re soulmates. Didn’t you know Taichou?” Naruto asked smugly.

XX

Sakura watched them leave, heart heavy as she considered what they were trying to accomplish. Her time with Kakashi always seemed too short, hours falling away from them until they were forced to separate again. She was growing tired of always fighting, always moving onto the next mission without pause. There were moments of levity, but they seemed fewer and farther between.

She turned away from them with renewed determination. She’d been talking with the other teams and they’d come up with a solution to the Sasuke problem on their own. A more permanent one than the temporary reprieve that Naruto sought. Sasuke was her friend and she loved him as such, but she loved Naruto as a brother and she wanted to spare him any more pain then was necessary. Shikamaru was the brains of their group, and he understood what Kakashi and Naruto refused to. Sasuke was a liability to the Hidden Leaf and threatened to tear their village apart. She hurt for his past suffering and she couldn’t imagine going through what he had, but he was a danger to Naruto, to Kakashi and to every person that lived in their village. There was only one way to ensure Naruto and Kakashi’s safety. She just didn’t know if she was strong enough to go through with it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. I have an issue with redundancy when I write so if it seems like I'm beating a dead horse with Kakashi and Sakura's issues, I probably am. I hope you enjoyed the update!
> 
> Oh! And were you surprised by Tenten's soulmate? Because I absolutely meant for it to be Lee but he somehow ended up with Ayame because I thought they were cute. So yes, Gai. And I hope it provided another side of the coin when it comes to soulmates. Not everyone can be instantly in love and sometimes it doesn't work out in the case of Sakura's parents and their respective soulmates.
> 
> Oh! And one more thing! This is officially the longest story I've ever written. While I know it's still short compared to most stories, I'm still proud to have come this far. I generally prefer one-shots as I'm terrible at updating. Thank you for the kind comments and the love that's been shown to this story. I truly appreciate it.


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